Monday, February 22, 2021

After Life

 I love watching Netflix with my husband in winter. We have just finished watching TV series "After Life":

After Life

 

We both loved it!  It is wonderful, sad, it hurts, but at the same time full of excellent British humor.   

I loved how they portrayed the relationship between main character and his late wife. They loved each other so much, they had a wonderful life together. They didn't have children - but this fact was never mentioned nor explained.  

When I was watching it, I realized how lucky I was to find my soul mate and how much I enjoy creating with him our own version of  living happily ever after <3

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

500 miles / 800 kilometers badge :)



Most of the days I feel OK and in peace with my childless life. Sometimes something happens that spoils my  peace and then I need my blog to write my thoughts down. I need someone out there to read my lines and tell me that I am not alone. 

I was feeling blue all day yesterday.  I was watching on Netflix Tv-series situated in late 19th century. I loved main characters, there was a gentle love story between a young woman and a decade older man (who has another fiance' that I didn't like at all).  I was very sure that they will end up together, but at the end he has to decide for a pregnant fiance'. 

Then I also watch on Austrian TV the latest season of "Der Bergdoktor". Not that I like it that much, but it is an excellent way to practice my German. Anyway, there is a main character and his fiance' and she has just recently found out that she will never be able to have children. She is grieving deeply. And in the meantime he finds out that his ex-girlfriend is in 6th month of pregnancy. Who wrote the screenplay for that TV series? Someone very cruel.....

Least but not last. Prince's Harry's wife shared heartbreaking news about miscarriage at the end of November. Less then three months later she shares a very happy news about her advanced pregnancy.  This reminded me of an ex-coworker who tricked me - in the darkest years of my infertility - into sharing my infertility story. She shared with me her long quest for trying for a baby so I shared my story. Only few weeks later she shared the happy news in the office. And only later I made the calculation - when she was tricking me into the conversation, she already knew that she was pregnant.   

 Today is another day. The sun is shining, so I will go for a long walk.  

 May I boast a bit? I have an app on my mobile for counting the steps. I have had it for 100 days and in that time I have walked for 500 miles / 800 kilometers. I will be very fit by the time that pandemic is over :) 


Saturday, January 16, 2021

Don't put up with people who are reckless with your heart

 


First of all: I wish a happy & healthy 2021 to all my readers!

I am attaching a photo of snowman that I built in our garden last week. I hadn't built a snowman for almost 40 years! I had lots of fun. So - who says building a snowman is only for kids :)  It felt weird at first. I had these thoughts - what will the others say, if they see a childless middle-aged woman building a snowman completely on her own?  I decided to just focus on the snowman and I loved building it. So this is my resolution for 2021: find joy in little things.  

Another resolution: avoid people who are reckless with my heart. 

I started a traditional Friday late afternoon Zoom call with two coworkers two months ago. I enjoy talking to them separately. But all three together - it was plain awful. There was only one topic: how horrible the pandemic is for mothers with young kids - since there is so much work to follow online school work. There were sentences like "I am sure that X as a mother will understand..... blah blah blah."  So I stopped attending those Zoom dates - I told them that I would love to talk to them one on one. But Zoom dates are too difficult to handle since they unintentionally hurt me. I know that they didn't understand. But I don't care. 

I told this story to a dear pen-friend of mine and she said that reading my story reminded her of  lines from the song "Wear sunsreen":  "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."