Saturday, July 17, 2021



Getting back to work after not working for almost a year wasn't easy. But it is lovely to be back in busy life (and it is great to receive full pay again :)

I have been doing well lately. The little time that is left available I use for gardening (in my veggie garden), swimming and cycling. 

But there is always something that reminds me that I am different. 

I was invited to co-worker's party - she recently moved to a new home and at the same time they got a second child. So there we were: picture perfect family with two toddlers and 8 of the coworkers. I didn't really want to go, but I didn't want to be rude to decline the invitation, so I went. Chatting with children and their mother was the easy part. 

But then another coworker (a man in his late 30s) started a speech. It was a kind of poem / a toast to the hardest role of all: a working mother. Since she is not only a mother, she is also a wife and besides all those roles she also has to be an efficient business woman.  

When listening to this silly speech (all others thought it was wonderful) a known pain overwhelmed me. 

If they only knew, how hard it is to be an infertile woman in the fertile world. How hard it was to be a loving wife when my soul had been broken into million pieces. How hard it was to go to office every day and work when I was so sad that I couldn't see any purpose in my childless life any more. 

It breaks my heart when I look back to the darkest days of my infertility - when I started to realize that the dream of motherhood would never happen, no matter how many IVFs we take.  The sadness was so deep that it is difficult to find the words to describe it.

Looking back, I see what a long path I have walked. How much strength I needed to rebuild my life and find my own version of happiness. 

Yes, I will always be different. But how boring the world would be if we all were the same :)

PS:  photo was taken today, on my vegetable garden. I love having flowers among vegetables. This is the very first sunflower this year.

Sunday, July 4, 2021

Island Hvar, Dalmatia, Croatia


Now also my husband is fully vaccinated, so we were able to go on our first holidays since the pandemic together. We have chosen this beautiful island: 

I am sharing some of my favourite photos with you.

It was just perfect to swim in crystal clear warm Adriatic sea. We both love Dalmatia so much (especially the islands).

We have chosen the week just before the school holidays started, so it was great ... to be on holidays just before the peak season starts.

Sunday, June 6, 2021

Novigrad, Istra, Croatia

I've just returned from holiday to Croatia with my mum. We went there to celebrate being already 15 days after the second dose of the vaccine against covid19. It is just awesome to have at least a bit of freedom back. 

We took many lovely walks along the seaside, we were reading, we were eating wild cherries and we even swam every day (briefly since the sea has only 19 C for now). 

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

Needing to believe

People whom you love can hurt you the most. 

I have a friend with whom I can talk almost about everything. I like her.  I try to be a supportive friend whenever she needs someone to talk to (someone in her family has been dealing with mild depression). 

Two weeks ago we had a vivid discussion just about everything over the phone. She shared some stories about her almost adult daughters. I am fine with that - as long the conversation isn't only about children. 

But then - out of the blue - she started to tell me about the article that she had read. The main message of the article was that people who have grandchildren, live longer. Because they see the purpose of their living. 

I remained speechless for a moment. 

Once again, I was giving so much into the friendship and receiving so little back. 

In the old days I would have remained silent. Not now. I am done being quiet. I stopped her and asked: "Are you trying to put me into depression?".

She was embarrassed. She apologized and said that she was truly sorry, that she just got carried away and forgot about my story. She commented that this is obviously not true, she was just reporting what she had read.

I said to her that it is very possible that this was true. But that I refuse to believe that. That I need to believe that each of us - regardless of having children/grandchildren or not - needs to find his/her own happiness and the purpose of life. And that it isn't necessary that this purpose is something huge. Each of us has to figure out the way. 


Here is the song that I loved the most at the Eurovision. I have been listening to it constantly, it is just wonderful. 


I took a photo of the flowers on the meadow very close to our home.  It made me happy, watching the flowers. Not many countries around the world have meadows as beautiful as ours. Or - perhaps I am wrong and I just never travelled at the time of blooming meadows.


Sunday, May 23, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº11


And yes. I didn't used my time only for useful things. I also have my guilty pleasures :) 

I enjoyed watching The Bridgerton a lot. I watched it in English with English subtitles. So one could say it was useful as a tool for improving my English ;)

For all the fans of The Bridgerton, I am sure you will enjoy listening to this beautiful story:

I also loved  the last season of The Crown:

The Queen's Gambit is excellent! I wish I were as smart!

This wasn't on Netflix. I watched the movie The father. Both Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Colman are excellent.

I loved The Martian:

I could draw so many parallels between The Martian and living a life after the infertility. He landed and got stuck in the place and had to develop tactics how to survive. And needless to say, I like Matt Damon a lot!

A pandemic activity Nº10


I am very grateful that there is a system of excellent libraries all around our country, so it is very easy to have an unlimited access to books. 

I've enjoyed having time to read so much!

Nothing beats the feeling... when you discover that your library has a new book of one of your favourite authors. I am reading a novel written by Bernhard Schlink right now. 

I loved also this novel:

“If someone asks you how you are, you are meant to say FINE. You are not meant to say that you cried yourself to sleep last night because you hadn't spoken to another person for two consecutive days. FINE is what you say.”

“In principle and reality, libraries are life-enhancing palaces of wonder.”

“Sometimes you simply needed someone kind to sit with you while you dealt with things.”

“These days, loneliness is the new cancer—a shameful, embarrassing thing, brought upon yourself in some obscure way. A fearful, incurable thing, so horrifying that you dare not mention it; other people don’t want to hear the word spoken aloud for fear that they might too be afflicted, or that it might tempt fate into visiting a similar horror upon them.”
Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine 


A pandemic activity Nº9


I've just finished 50-hour online course of advanced Italian. Have I ever mentioned that I love learning languages ;)

I enjoyed watching the Eurovision contest yesterday. I was happy that Italy won: 

I am already looking forward to Eurovision 2022 in Italy. It will be great! 

(besides Italian song I also loved the French Eurovision song)

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº8



I have been using the pandemic free time to literally go anywhere I can with my bike instead of taking the car. We had a long and cold winter so many times it wasn't possible. But still, so far I've cycled 373 km this year.

My goal for the 2021: to cycle at least 2021 km :) 




PS: the photo above is from last autumn: Alpe Adria Cycling Trail

Sunday, May 2, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº7

I don't need Russian for work. But my husband has one wish for one day in a distant future - to take the train from Moscow to Vladivostok. So if not before, the Russian will be useful then. 

I have just joined an online class Russian for beginners and I like it a lot. Last week we were learning a Russian alphabet with the help of this video:

We had one week time to learn the alphabet and I did. I am so proud - I can finally read Russian! Not that I understand anything (for now) :)

A pandemic activity Nº6


It is so cool to learn new things! I have just joined 2-month-course of Excel and I love it. So far I have known just the basic and here we are learning many features that I haven't mastered before. 

The new knowledge will be very useful for my job. 

Saturday, May 1, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº5

I've been growing my own vegetables for the last 12 years. I am enjoying it more and more every year. I think I am getting good at it! 

Especially with the pandemic I realized even more, how important it is to do for your own health as much as you possible can. And eating 100 % bio-organic vegetables definitely is a good choice. 

I have a beautiful wooden raised garden bed (I love it so much!!) in front of our house and also a large piece of garden few kilometers away. 

So far I've planted: potatoes, zucchini, lettuce, peas, leak, carrot, different flowers, beetroot, pumpkins. And I already have plenty of herbs on the raised garden bed that survived the winter.

Thursday, April 29, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº4


I've just finished a 70-hour-online-course of German. 

Have I ever mentioned that I love learning languages 😉?

My favourite blog written in German is this one:  ; I love reading it.

(with the help of translators - for example this one:  you can read it as well, it is beautifully written; I love Elaine's photos).

I also love learning languages with the help of songs. I love this one: Bist du okay?**

**Ja, ich bin okay 😊

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº3

I knew for at least a decade that I should do some extra exercises. I've always done enough walking and cycling... but this mainly makes your lower body fit. When working I just never found time nor motivation do to some research what exercises to do.

I got a random newsletter from my local community six months ago - there was news that local pensioners' association moved their class "Exercises for a healthy spine" online and that everybody** was welcome. The classes are twice a week in the morning. I had time so I logged to the class, it is lead by a wonderful retired physiotherapist. I loved the class so much and I have been attending it ever since. 

I really feel that my body is stronger and fitter now. I am so happy and proud of myself. 

I am attaching a photo of all the sport accessories that I need for the class. I love them all, but most of all I love the huge white ball. I am sitting on it right now, while typing. It is much healthier for my spine than sitting on a chair.  


 **everybody was invited to this online class, regardless of age. Can you imagine that I am the only person there below the age of 60! Most of the attendees are ladies in the age group 65-75. I love them so much, they are my role models how important it is to take care of your body all your life.


Tuesday, April 27, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº2


I have been spending at least 3 hours per week for learning French for the last six months. I have been attending a French Zoom online course with a native speaker. I just love our classes!  The teacher is very good, we have a homework every single week. And attending a course gives me an extra motivation for watching French movies. 

It is a very difficult language to speak, so I can't speak (yet), but I already understand a lot. 

And here is an absolute highlight of my learning of French:  a lovely 8-year-old  French girl is reading a story in French via Zoom couple times a month. I enjoy listening to her so much!  

I have a friend  from France whom I met through blogging. We also met one day, I met her family and she met my husband. If you went through infertility you know that meeting new friends with children can be difficult. Well, with my friend from France it wasn't. Perhaps because she is one of the kindest people that I ever met. And also because I liked her little girl so much from the very first moment (and the little girl liked me too). 

I asked my friend if her daughter would be willing to read to me. She asked her and she liked the idea. So now we have a win-win-win arrangement: 

  • I love being a small part of this little girl's childhood, I love learning French by listening to her.
  • The little one practices reading & presentation in front of a person she doesn't know well. This is an excellent skill for now and later. 
  • The mother can have few minutes for herself .  


I used to listen to French chansons a lot, after a long time I am listening to this one:

Just wonderful!

Monday, April 26, 2021

A pandemic activity Nº1

I am so happy  - I've just got the first vaccine against covid19. My age group isn't entitled to get a vaccine yet, but an older person didn't show up for his or her appointment so they had one vaccine available. I got a phone call that if I can come immediately, I will get the vaccine. Of course I came immediately :) 

I haven't been working due to the pandemic for whole six months. And another month of non-working luxury is in front of me. I will start working again in the first week of June. 

So I thought I could share with you my favourite things that I've been doing during the pandemic. Things, that I always wanted to do but never had enough time. I will write one activity each day. First I wanted to write one post, but the post would be too long :) 

So here it is, a pandemic activity Nº1: Daily walks in the nature. I went for a walk almost literally every day (the only exception were few days when it was raining cats and dogs).  

I installed on my mobile a step counter, my daily average number of steps for the last   180 days:   10.750 steps. All those steps were done in the nature, there are many beautiful walking trails very close to our home. 

It feels just great, having enough time for a daily exercise.

Friday, April 16, 2021

A box of coloured pencils & love

There are some gifts that mean a world to me. This is a story about my beloved box of coloured pencils. 

It was 18 years ago when I just moved into a new flat with my husband. We went on a first shopping together in a big supermarket. While shopping for food I noticed a huge pile of boxes of coloured pencils, each box contained 24 coloured pencils. The brand was Jolly... it is an Austrian brand that has been hugely popular since my childhood.  When I was a child it was impossible to buy them in my country (=ex-Yugoslavia), so once my parents drove to Austria and smuggled them (together with coffee and all other stuff that was impossible to buy here). I got a box of 12 Jolly coloured pencils when I was 7 years old and I had those pencils for more than 10 years. 

I told this story to my husband. And I told him that all my childhood I wished to have a larger box that would contain 24 coloured pencils, not only 12. But I never got them since they were to expensive.  

My husband took one Jolly box and put it into the shopping charts. I asked him what was he doing. He told me that he wanted to buy me the large box of coloured pencils that I wished my whole childhood. 

I was deeply touched. I told him that I didn't need the coloured pencils. And he replied that it didn't matter, that he wanted to buy them anyway. 

I think this is the gift that means the most to me. 

And it wasn't true that I didn't need the big box of coloured pencils. I needed them, I just didn't know I needed them :)

Thursday, April 15, 2021

The lavender



There was something beautiful that I noticed today. My husband and I planted 15 lavender bushes last year, this winter was very cold so I wasn't sure if lavender survived. 

I noticed today that all our lavender already have some little fresh green leaves. This means that they live! I admire their resilience and the determination to live. 

I want to believe that I am like lavender. 


This is our lavender (with a bumblebee) last summer:

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Half of a Yellow Sun & 1917

I have an excellent news. My father has already got the first vaccine against covid19, my mum will hopefully get it by the end of the month. I guess me and my husband will get it by the end of the summer... the vaccination goes really slowly in the EU. 

The pandemic brought up all the worst (and with some - all the best) of people. I hate all the negativity and all the hatred against anti-covid protection rules that there is among people.  

I still love the quote from last year:

Stay at Home! Your grandparents (or great-grandparents) were called to war. You're being called to sit on your couch.

To see things from different perspective sometimes I need to read and watch about really horrible periods of time and about brave people who fought and tried to survive.


I loved the novel Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. It is hard and great, it is beautifully written.


 “Look at you. You're the kindest person I know. Look how beautiful you are. Why do you need so much outside of yourself? Why isn't what you are enough?”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun 


“He realized that what he wanted most of all, with her, was time.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun  



I also loved the movie 1917

I loved everything about this movie.  It is one of the best movies that I have seen. 


Saturday, April 10, 2021

Paying forward


The topic about childlessness has become less and less important to me as the years are passing by. Writing this blog has helped me infinitely. Sometimes I wonder - does my writing still help anybody? I am not sure, but then sometimes something unexpected happens.

I see that someone reads (almost) all my post from the last 9 years within few days. I am deeply flattered, when I see that...  

Or I get an email from a young woman, a decade younger then me, who has just quit all infertility treatments and is accepting their childless life.  And she says that writing to a real person, who went through the same feelings ten years prior, helps her. 

I love that. This means I am still a needed part of this community. I may not be a mother... but I love the idea of being a big sister to someone who is in the hardest times of accepting childless life.  

I see that as paying forward... I will be forever grateful to all the women who had walked this path before me and have helped me. 


I have heard a beautiful sentence recently. "I'm not here just to be a mother, I'm here to be me." 

Sometimes I overthink - what is my role in this world since I am not a mother? 

Being me is just enough! 

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Childless colective summit


I came across Katy Seppi only few days ago,  I listened to a talk where she participated. I enjoyed listening to her and the others so much! I learnt that Katy is organizing Childless collective summit that starts today. 

More info:

I am looking forward to it a lot!!

Friday, March 12, 2021

Merci beaucoup


I've just had a French course that I love attending.  I was put for 15 minutes in a break-out-room with a 60-old-woman. We had to do a dialogue - I was interviewing her, so I asked plenty of questions. Some of the questions she helped to form - like this one - Are you married. So I asked her if she was married.  She replied in a very sad voice: "No, I am a widow."  I could see her pain and somehow I sensed that her loss was recent. So I said: "I am sorry for your loss." She looked directly into my eyes (well, she looked directly in the camera) and said: "Merci beaucoup."
It was a brief moment. But it meant a lot.

After working on the interview I asked her if she was planning to join the next level of the French course and she replied that she wasn't sure. I encouraged her to join. Her eyes sparkled and she said that she might.

I made a little difference in someone's life today. It is not a lot, but I feel good.



In my country we believe in healing powers of dandelion.  Picking up dandelion is a national hobby every spring. 

As I have written before, the only positive side of pandemic for me is having time. I love having time for picking the dandelion, cleaning it and then making a tasty salad. It is delicious is warm potatoes and eggs. I add also salt, good olive oil and vinegar. Bon appetit :)

DOC - Nelle tue mani

Did any of you watched House M.D. and absolutely loved it? (I watched all the seasons and loved it!).


DOC - Nelle tue mani Poster

I got as part of homework for my Italian lessons to watch the Italian TV series DOC - Nelle tue mani:

I watched it and it is brilliant, I loved it as much as House M.D.  It was also great to listen to beautiful Italian!

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Childless Elderwomen


I listened to Jody Day's "Childless Elderwomen" conversations. Both are just brilliant and I am already looking forward to the next one:


There are many parts that touched me, this is one of those:

"Going back to those women in their thirties and forties - that’s one of the things I would say to them is because it blindsided me, and many of the women that are in my online community. We talk about it and write about it all the time. This is my own theory and okay, maybe this'll be part of my 500 words - about ‘getting your girlfriends back’ - when their children go off to college, suddenly they have time for you again, they have a little bit of free money to go to the movies again.

You get your girlfriends back and then, just as you settle into that comfort, the grandchildren arrive and you lose them all over again. The difference is that now you're in your forties and you didn't see it coming, and you can offer, “Oh, I'll go with you with your grandchildren,” but it's exactly like it was in your thirties, you just got more grey hair - they don't really want you around, the grandchildren came. And when you do get your girlfriend alone, all she wants to talk about are the grandchildren.

That's one of the things I am going to say real quick again about our conferences at The NotMom summits - women kept saying to me that they never realized that in their private real lives at home, when another woman would pull out their wallet, they would sort of cringe up because they’d anticipate being shown their kids or their grandkids. But for those three days, people were whipping out their wallets or their phones and were showing pictures of their gardens and their dogs and their cats!

It really showed all of us that much like ... I'm sorry, I think it was Jackie said, is that once you find other people who are more like you, you can put your shoulders back down and feel not just accepted, but seen. .Because without grandchildren, and since we are heading to a place where grey hair makes you invisible. Now you get with your girlfriends and you're invisible again because you don't have any little people to show pictures of."

by  Karen Malone Wright


What I loved the most is the energy, love, wisdom, joy and humour that the women had. I do hope I will be as cool in 20 years!  


I decided that from now on most of my posts will be accompanied by a photo that I took lately. My husband's dog wasn't sure what I was doing, so this is his contribution to taking photo :)

I am trusting the uncertainty

I can't wait to read the latest Rupi Kaur's book: Home Body. She is so young and so talented. I wish I could write as she does! 

So far I've read only few quotes and I love them.


Some of her quotes: 


“i am trusting the uncertainty
and believing i will
end up somewhere
right and good”
Rupi Kaur, Home Body  


“you didn’t lose it happiness has always been here - you just lost perspective”
Rupi Kaur, Home Body   


“i get so lost
in where i want to go
i forget that the place i’m in
is already quite magical”
Rupi Kaur, Home Body 


“my mind keeps running off to dark corners and coming back with reasons for why i am not enough”
Rupi Kaur, Home Body  

“you lose everything
when you don't love yourself

- and gain everything when you do”
Rupi Kaur, Home Body 


Monday, March 8, 2021

Happy Women's Day!


“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.”

Albert Einstein 
I came across this quote today. I am not sure if it is really Einstein's, but I like it anyway. 
This post is for you, my dear reader. I wish you a Happy Women's Day!  
I am not walking with the crowd. But I am so glad, that I am not walking completely alone, I am glad I have you! 

PS: I took the photos of the snowdrops today on my daily walk.  

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Longing in my eyes


I went for a long walk through the forest yesterday. I really love walking!  I took this photo, I adore the very first spring flowers. 

I was thinking how therapeutic it was for me writing my blog. I have been writing it for 9 years, so far I have written 947 posts. 

I would like to thank you, my dear readers, for reading my blog. Without you I would have stopped writing years ago.

There are many posts that meant a lot to me. This is my favourite post, I wrote it 6 years ago:

I don't know what touched me the most. Perhaps that a complete stranger saw the longing in my eyes.  He got me and many people whom I have known for ages never had.

While thinking about this dinner, I remembered that he wrote me few weeks ago but I forgot to return the text. So I called him yesterday when walking. He was happy to hear me and we had a nice chat .... he was alone walking as well.  Perhaps I can be for him a bit of a daughter he never had.

Friday, March 5, 2021

I love the moment when I wake up in the morning


There is only one advantage of the pandemic: having time (I am still not working). 

I was raking the lawn when I saw this beautiful little daisy. It is so pretty!  I love having time to stop working for a while and just admire it. 

And I love having time for learning different things. I recently joined an online French course. I love it, we have a really good teacher. We practiced conversation and the question was:  "What is your favourite moment of the week?". I loved the answer of a fellow student, a decade older then me. She replied: "I love the moment when I wake up in the morning and I see that I am alive and well and that there is another day in front of me."  

I just love her attitude to life!

Monday, March 1, 2021

A silly story

I wanted to learn more about NLP techniques so I attended a webinar. The coach told us many stories that I liked. I loved how he compared a life with cooking & a fridge. He said that when you cook, you shouldn't focus on the ingredients that are missing. You have to focus on the ingredients that you have and cook the best possible meal out of it. 

I borrowed one of coach's books and I liked it at first. But then I got to the following story.

There was a couple who was trying to have a child for 20 years. They went to a clinic and said to themselves that this was their last try. The doctor didn't believe that they would succeed and this helped them give away all the pressure and they trusted the miracle to the safe hands of God, universe, nature. And they succeeded. They got beautiful healthy baby boy.  

Come on!? 

We were trying for a child for a decade. We had 10 failed IVFs. I still remember the horrible pressure, when we decided for the last try. 

The NLP coach's story can be written only by someone who has vivid imagination and absolutely no experiences with the infertility.

Needless to say, I put the book down. I am done with NLP techniques for now :)

Monday, February 22, 2021

After Life

 I love watching Netflix with my husband in winter. We have just finished watching TV series "After Life":

After Life


We both loved it!  It is wonderful, sad, it hurts, but at the same time full of excellent British humor.   

I loved how they portrayed the relationship between main character and his late wife. They loved each other so much, they had a wonderful life together. They didn't have children - but this fact was never mentioned nor explained.  

When I was watching it, I realized how lucky I was to find my soul mate and how much I enjoy creating with him our own version of  living happily ever after <3

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

500 miles / 800 kilometers badge :)

Most of the days I feel OK and in peace with my childless life. Sometimes something happens that spoils my  peace and then I need my blog to write my thoughts down. I need someone out there to read my lines and tell me that I am not alone. 

I was feeling blue all day yesterday.  I was watching on Netflix Tv-series situated in late 19th century. I loved main characters, there was a gentle love story between a young woman and a decade older man (who has another fiance' that I didn't like at all).  I was very sure that they will end up together, but at the end he has to decide for a pregnant fiance'. 

Then I also watch on Austrian TV the latest season of "Der Bergdoktor". Not that I like it that much, but it is an excellent way to practice my German. Anyway, there is a main character and his fiance' and she has just recently found out that she will never be able to have children. She is grieving deeply. And in the meantime he finds out that his ex-girlfriend is in 6th month of pregnancy. Who wrote the screenplay for that TV series? Someone very cruel.....

Least but not last. Prince's Harry's wife shared heartbreaking news about miscarriage at the end of November. Less then three months later she shares a very happy news about her advanced pregnancy.  This reminded me of an ex-coworker who tricked me - in the darkest years of my infertility - into sharing my infertility story. She shared with me her long quest for trying for a baby so I shared my story. Only few weeks later she shared the happy news in the office. And only later I made the calculation - when she was tricking me into the conversation, she already knew that she was pregnant.   

 Today is another day. The sun is shining, so I will go for a long walk.  

 May I boast a bit? I have an app on my mobile for counting the steps. I have had it for 100 days and in that time I have walked for 500 miles / 800 kilometers. I will be very fit by the time that pandemic is over :) 

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Don't put up with people who are reckless with your heart


First of all: I wish a happy & healthy 2021 to all my readers!

I am attaching a photo of snowman that I built in our garden last week. I hadn't built a snowman for almost 40 years! I had lots of fun. So - who says building a snowman is only for kids :)  It felt weird at first. I had these thoughts - what will the others say, if they see a childless middle-aged woman building a snowman completely on her own?  I decided to just focus on the snowman and I loved building it. So this is my resolution for 2021: find joy in little things.  

Another resolution: avoid people who are reckless with my heart. 

I started a traditional Friday late afternoon Zoom call with two coworkers two months ago. I enjoy talking to them separately. But all three together - it was plain awful. There was only one topic: how horrible the pandemic is for mothers with young kids - since there is so much work to follow online school work. There were sentences like "I am sure that X as a mother will understand..... blah blah blah."  So I stopped attending those Zoom dates - I told them that I would love to talk to them one on one. But Zoom dates are too difficult to handle since they unintentionally hurt me. I know that they didn't understand. But I don't care. 

I told this story to a dear pen-friend of mine and she said that reading my story reminded her of  lines from the song "Wear sunsreen":  "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."