My value as a woman isn't measured by motherhood

A pen-friend of mine sent me this link today:
http://www.today.com/entertainment/jennifer-aniston-my-value-woman-isnt-measured-motherhood-1D80109474

I have always liked Jennifer.

In the middle of the video (2 minutes 15 sec) there is a topic how her  value as a woman isn't measured by motherhood.

I could see the pain in her eyes when she was talking about it.
It takes one to get one.
Yes, Jennifer is for sure also a member of the silent sorority.

Are children good substitute for dogs?

I am having tough days, as always before 1st of September, when the new school year begins.
Everybody talks about their children, grandchildren and school things still need to be bought and new school projects waiting for them.
On all the commercials there are super sweet and cute children  everywhere.
Except in our home.

But there is one thing that lifted my spirit today. I was just reading a printed Stern magazine (to practice my German, if I loose my job (quite possible) almost the only possibility to find a new job is to go to Austria / Germany) when I saw the whole page of cynical questions.

Here is the original article online:
http://www.stern.de/wissen/mensch/stern-kolumne-dobelli-sind-kinder-ein-guter-hundeersatz-2128828.html

 And here are some of my favourites (I will try to translate them).


Sind Kinder ein guter Hunde-Ersatz?

Are children good substitute for dogs?

***

Wie intensiv müssen Ihre Kinder Sie im Alter betreuen, damit Sie sagen können: "Der Aufwand hat sich gelohnt?"

How intense your children have to look after you in old age, so that you could say: "The effort was worth it?" 

***

Glauben Sie, Ihre Kinder werden Sie einmal vor der Verlegung ins Altersheim oder Hospiz beschützen, oder werden es Ihre Kinder sein, die Sie abschieben?

Do you think your children will protect you from going to the nursing home, or it will be your children that will send you there?


***

Falls Sie Kinder haben: warum?

If you have children, why?
 
 

 

Bittersweet II

My cousin asked me if I could babysit (for the first time) both of her kids yesterday evening, for half an hour.

My uncle brought me the kids (the boy is 2, the girl is 4) and they were extra cute. They were excited to come to  my appartment.

It was lovely.  We continued the work with this book that I bought for the girls last month:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mon-voyage-autour-du-monde/dp/2840065681/ref=sr_1_56?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408894469&sr=1-56&keywords=geraldine+cosneau
(I bought many children's books in the last decade, but this one is my top favourite. All the children just love the book).

We were very busy putting stickers to Grenland when my husband came home. He was surprised to see the kids since he didn't expect them. He asked the kids: "Where do you have your mummy?"

The little girl has a great sense of humour and she joked: "We don't have our mummy here since we didn't bring her with us. We have here only mummy Klara."   

Bittersweet. Again.

I love those two children.

And I love my cousin for letting me be a part of her children's lives.

Bittersweet I

This is a post that I had in mind for over a month, since the day when I invited two princesses for a sleepover at my home:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.com/2014/07/here-comes-sun.html

Both princesses came. I had them for 20 hours. And it was just wonderful. We played outside. Read books. Discovered the world through stickers & colouring. Having a treasure hunt (together with my best friend's children). Eating pancakes with Nutella. 

(but - it was already after midnight, that the both girls were so filled with adrenaline that just couldn't sleep - and I was exhausted... this was the only time I regreted the idea).

It was lovely. Wonderful. But also bittersweet. Because I could experience all the fun things I could do with my own children.   And I never will.

Though, the end was sad. The girls were picked up separately. The first came my sister-in-law to pick up her daughter. Obviously my sister-in-law expected that her child would run to her arms and be happy to go home. But, my niece started to beg that she wanted to stay longer with me, that she would ask my cousin  to drive her home half an hour later.

The sister-in-law  didn't handle it very well, she started to argue with her child and it ended so that the niece started to cry.  And this was exactly what my sister-in-law waited for. So she gave my niece a punishment: she is never ever allowed to stay with me together with her beloved cousin again.

My niece was sad, she started to cry even harder.

I was sad. 

But, there really isn't much I can do.

It is hard to love nieces and to have posessive sister-in-law.

Luckily I still have my cousin and her two children.

No other life would I like to have more

I just bought this map & guide. I am looking forward to visiting Amsterdam for the first time on Monday, 3rd of November. We choose flights so that we have 10 hours for discovering the city.

I can't really say I can't wait for Amsterdam (since by then our holidays & our time with friends in California will be over).

But - I can say I am really really looking forward to our holidays to begin.

And I am already almost sure, that one day (when I am old and grey) I will be able to say: 
"This is not the life that I planned, but no other life would I like to have more".
 

You too? I thought I was the only one.

Mali's today post warmed my heart: 
http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.com/2014/08/this-time-last-year.html 

Dear Mali - it was lovely to have met you!

xo,

Klara


PS: we are having the coldest and rainiest summer in the last 40 years. Weather forecast for today: lots of rain and 17 C . It is August... the temperatures should be closer to 30 C. 

Life is good

Two flight tickets: Venice - San Francisco - Venice: booked.
Heated tent in Yosemite: booked.

Looking forward to our holidays in less then two months! 
Life is good.

A Family without a Child

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04d4p0b

Listening to other stories help me heal.

It's like a bruise

Theatre executive Jessica Hepburn is 43 and has been trying to have a baby for nine years with her partner, Peter. "It's like a bruise," says Jessica about the emotional impact of failing to have a biological child, "whenever you press it, it hurts. I often wonder what our kids would have looked like - Peter's hair, my eyes? I always imagined motherhood would be part of my life. Creating a child with the person you love - it's a very natural, strong desire for me."

To read the full article:

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-28785054

I loved it.

Looking forward to autumn

I am enjoying a beautiful summer. I am outside a lot: 
 - cycling
- working on my vegetable garden
- swimming in the sea 
- swimming in the alpine lake 
- walking in the forrest
- picking up blueberries
- picking up porcinis 

Being sad because of my childlessness? No, no time for that :) 

My top favourite hobby of this week? Planning our next holidays, on the other side of the world. As you can see, there are plenty of books to read. 

A lovely day

I had a lovely day with an online friend from the beginning of my IVF years. We are the same age, have a very similar infertility story but we live on opposite sides of the country, so we never met very often. 

I haven't seen her for three years, I guess she did not want to know how it feels accepting a childless life for good (I understood that, I never blamed her for not wanting seeing me).  Now she is preparing for her 10th and final IVF. If it doesn't work, she will give up. 

She visited me in the morning and than we spent lovely 12 hours together - discovering the north of our country. We had a great day together, with lots of laughter and stories.  
(If you wish to know the  names of those places, I will be more then happy to tell you about them. My contact: klara.soncek (@) gmail.com  )

I even told her that I am writing a blog. And I said that I will not tell her the title of my blog now, since there are still hopes that her IVF story will have a happy end.

One of her stories that I loved the most. 

Conversation between her husband and a 15-year-old boy, son of their best friends. 

The boy: "How come you and your wife don't have children?"
The husband: "Well, we tried and we couldn't, so we don't have them. Simple as that."
The boy: "But why don't you adopt?"
The husband: "There aren't any babies to adopt in our country. So we would have to go abroad, but that costs a lot of money."
The boy: "How much?"
The husband: "At least 30.000 EUR."
The boy: "Uau, that's so much money. I would never pay that much to have a baby."
The husband: "Neither would I."



How cool is the story? I laughed so much when hearing it. 

Wishing you all the luck, little Gammy

I have heard many nasty stories about surrogacy, but this is breaking my heart:
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-28617912

How could biological parents leave Gammy behind? 

Do some infertile couples really thing that money can buy everything? Including having a choice of taking home only a healthy child?

I am glad that the boy's surrogate mother is taking care of him. 

I was willing to take many new ways in fighting my infertility. But surrogacy was never an option. For million of different reasons.   

Today on CNN

If you liked previous post, you should watch this on CNN:

Happy Dog 1