Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Ironic

Before I got my new mobile number few years ago, it belonged to a doctor with a private practice. At the beginning I had many calls looking for medical advice.  Yesterday I got a really long SMS (addressed to this doctor) saying:

"Dear Doctor, do you remember me - I am XY. Six months ago I had an abortion and you advised me to start taking birth control. I did not listen to your advice and last week I had an unprotected (you know what) with my husband and now I fear that I might be pregnant again (I had all the signs). A girlfriend told me to take three birth control pills at once and I did and now I urgently need your advice. What should I do???"

I was in the middle of the office work when I got this SMS. I just couldn't believe my eyes. How stupid some women are! I thought for a second that it would be nice thing of me to reply back that the doctor changed her mobile years ago. But I did not reply anything. I just deleted it. The woman who has killed at least one baby and is planning to do the same with this one, does not deserve an SMS from me.

***
I finished work early. I went for mulled wine to the city centre with a coworker (few years younger, also tried some IVFs, without luck). I told her about this SMS and we just laughed that life just isn't fair. That mother nature gave to this stupid woman this perfect womb and perfect ovaries. And not to us.

Then we ordered another mulled wine. And we both agreed that life is good. Just the way it is. We drank to that.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Two little girls & a snowman




I had a lovely afternoon yesterday. I took two little girls (my brother's daughter: aged 6 and my cousin's daughter: aged 4) with a train to the capital. Mission: to see the New Year's carnival for children. 

Everything was perfect - a long walk around the city centre (it is beautiful, see the photo above), meal at McDonalds, we had a great viewing point for the carnival. They got lots and lots of candies from the snow bears / bunnies / fairies / snowmen** / and all other creatures that accompany Ded Moroz / Slavic Santa Claus.

It is interesting, how painful were for me the days when they were born (because they were both born in the darkest days of my infertility). And how much happy moments they bring me now.

My cousin thanked me via email for taking her daughter on this trip. And she wrote me that not all the children are lucky to have such a good aunt like me.

And I replied that I do not believe in buying huge expensive gifts to children (=this is what majority of aunts do). But I do believe in doing fun stuff together & building nice memories.


**PS: one snowman asked them if they were good the whole year, before giving them candies. They replied yes. And then he asked me how good they were on the scale from 1 to 10. And I replied 9. And then the snowman gave them candies and then he said: "And one candy for the mommy for telling the truth."  
Being called mommy did not hurt. I am not a mommy and I will never be. It is just the way my life was meant to be. I am OK with that. And I do enjoy being an aunt to those two little girls.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

No more IVFs for me

Not that long ago my heart would be again full of hope if I read this article:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25438535

Not any more. No more IVFs for me. I am over 40. I am done with that chapter of my life. It was not meant to be... so it is a relief that it is over.

***
Off  I go, to visit my parents. I am looking forward to Mum's delicious nut roll.

Merry Christmas




 
I wish a merry Christmas to all my friends!
 
(PS: photo was taken on a Christmas day, few years ago...
this year we still don't have any snow)
 

Monday, December 23, 2013

When a story is told, it is not forgotten

“And so I write this for you, My Sarah. With the hope that one day, when you’re old enough, this story that lives with me, will live with you as well. When a story is told, it is not forgotten. It becomes something else, a memory of who we were; the hope of what we can become.”   Tatiana de Rosnay, Sarah's Key

***
I still can not forget the movie. It is one of the movies when you watch it, you never forget.

I wrote my favourite quote in the movie.

By writing this blog, I am telling my story. A story of a woman, dealing with infertility and  finding a happy life after (despite being childless).

Infertility has always been and there will always be. It just is a fact of life.

So perhaps my story will help one day to somebody in the future...

Saturday, December 14, 2013

My favourite post

If I had to choose my favourite post from the lat 2 years, it would be this one:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.com/2012/02/master-of-living-in-moment-meet-wolf.html


I still miss him, every day.



But I know he would want me to enjoy my NOW.

So I am off, for a long walk with a friend of mine (my age, single, childless). Sometimes we went for a long walk together - she, the Wolf and me, it was lovely (the Wolf adored her - since she always knew how to talk with him. And yes. Dogs love to receive compliments :)

Mommy

I love my brother. But I guess it is time that I mark him on FB as Hide all future posts from the person "Brother".

His wife baked a beautiful cake and posted it on FB. There were lots of compliments and my brother wrote to her: "Delicious cake, mommy!"

I hate it, when spouses are calling themselves mommy and daddy.

(and hearing it from my brother - is the hardest  - since mommy - at least for me - can be only our Mom).

Friday, December 13, 2013

I want MY Christmas bonus

We found out today that this year will be the first year ever that we are not getting a Christmas bonus.
As a consolation we were told that this year's kids' Christmas presents (that kids of the employees get every year) will be much richer as before.

Can something else make me more pissed off?
The company is using MY Christmas bonus to buy gifts for OTHER children.

***

I am not allowing that this will spoil my first Happy December.
(well, it is not completely happy. I miss my beloved Wolf terribly, today I was dreaming about him).
                               

Thursday, December 12, 2013

A fox, who found a friend

Yesterday I saw a woman in a brand new fox fur coat. It made me sad. How many beautiful animals had to suffer and die because of that heartless woman.

***
Then I remember a beautiful article that I read in Stern (I often read it, to improve my German):
http://www.stern.de/panorama/auf-den-hund-gekommen-der-fuchs-der-einen-freund-suchte-und-fand-2076550.html

Look at the photos, they are beautiful (the story is from Norway, about the friendship between dog & fox).

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

December Resolution

There are so many work parties that I can attend.
December Resolution: I will go only to the ones that I feel like.
For others (note to my self): white lies are great solution.

I will set dates in December to do something (visit city center of our capital that looks like fairytale in December & drinking hot tea / glue wine ....) only with few of the dearest friends (2 or max 3).
For all others (note to my self): white lies are great solution.

This is the first December after infertility dark age that I intend to enjoy fully.

Looking forward!