Forgiving / Forgetting

I have had a lovely December so far. I had many cosy and nice tea & cake dates with several of my girlfriends. 

But some dates just left me feeling empty.

I have forgiven all my friends who abandoned me during the dark years of my infertility.
But forgiving and forgetting are two different things.
I can't forget how cruelly I was abandoned  by some and I don't really want to forget.  

In my country there is a proverb that says "Only donkey goes twice on ice." 

So I guess I will be more careful with whom I will go out in 2017.
 

Because she doesn't have kids?

I have been pretty busy at work all December, but I don't mind. Especially since this is my best December after the beginning of my infertility. Which means this is the best December in the last 12 years. I almost didn't feel any sadness at all.

I had lovely evening teaching German - not only the kid I usually teach, but also his little brother, for the very first time.

Before going home I chatted a bit with boys' mother. I commented very silly teaching methods of the little boy's teacher and boys' mother said: "Well, this is just because she doesn't have kids of her own so she knows nothing about teaching."

I couldn't be quiet. In the last few years I refuse to be quiet.

I said: "I also don't have kids and I know a lot about teaching kids. It is just because this teacher is so young and she doesn't have the experiences."

I won the conversation. Since that mother really knows I am good with her kids, despite being childless.
(what she doesn't know is that I am so good at teaching her kids because I don't have kids - I have time and energy and creativity to think about the methods that will help her kids the most).

After Christmas thoughts

 
 

I am never lonely for Christmas. I always spend it with my husband, we go for a long walk with beloved Wolfie and we are invited to my parents, to eat my mom's delicious traditional sweet pastry.

I feel that I do belong somewhere, that I do belong to one family.

Hopefully this will not happen for many decades, but when my parents are gone, where will I belong? There will be only two of us, me and my husband. 

Mulled wine

Random fact about me: I almost never drink. But when I do, very small amounts of alcohol make me drunk.

Random fact number two: in the five years of writing my blog I have never been writing my blog drunk. Well, not until today.

Today was a good day. I went out with my coworkers to the city centre and we were drinking mulled wine. Everybody drinks mulled wine in December, it was delicious. Ljubljana's city centre is just breathtaking pretty. We talked, drank, laughed. Some cowerkers have kids, some don't ... but it was not a topic of today's fun. It was just a perfect day. I wish we could do that more often!

When driving home with with a train, a young man (as I found out later on, he will be 27 next year ;) sat close to me and he started to chat. Later on he invited me for a coffee and I politely replied that it is much better idea to find a young girl for himself. He looked directly to my eyes and said "You will do just fine."  I politely declined.

Funny and cute :)

***
And on top of that, I got three lovely emails today, from South Africa, India and USA. My husband jokes that I am quite an infertility star :)
Thank you for all the emails, I promise to reply by Christmas.

lots of love,

Klara

5th Bloganniversary

Can't believe it has been already 5 years since I wrote the very first post of my first (and only) blog:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2011/12/living-new-happy-life-after.html

I still remember how happy I was when I got my very first comments. I realized then that I am not alone.

The first year of writing I cried a lot when writing. Everything was so raw and painful. Remembering this I realize what a long walk I have walked already. Nowadays I never cry.

I want to thank you, my dear readers. Without you I wouldn't have motivation for writing. And without writing I wouldn't heal that quickly.

What is with people who think that we are missing a piece of our souls?

This year my Christmas wish wasn't heard as much as last year. Last year I got approx 20 beautiful emails. This year I have got 2 beautiful emails, one from the USA, one from Europe. Well, better two then none. But, there is still a week till Christmas ;)

I am good. Very busy at work and also busy with all New Year's social events (mainly work related). I am having a good time, at least most of the time. But there has been one thought that my dear pen friend of mine wrote weeks ago and hasn't left my mind ever since: "What is with people who think that we are missing a piece of our souls?"   Or what is with some people that when they realize that I don't have children,  just stop talking.

Isn't that silly? Sometimes I would love to say - there are so many things you can talk about with me. Books, travelling, sport activities if I name just three.

My Christmas wish

I have the same Christmas wish as last year.
I would love to get an email from you.
To learn who you are. 
Where you come from.
Why you read my blog.
What my blog means to you. 

I promise I will not publish your emails, nor misuse them in any way.

My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com


I am looking forward to Christmas :)
I loved receiving emails last December from literally all around the world! 

Mali's post & some new photos from Italy

I just returned from another trip to Italy (region north - east of Venice), I am attaching few photos. The weather was just picture perfect. Very cold and sunny.  

This time I wasn't travelling alone as usually, I was with a coworker. She is a kind person, but so focused on her children that she almost  literally does not speak about anything else.  

I was feeling a bit blue when I came home. My spirit lifted when I read Mali's latest post: http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.si/2016/11/six-years-on.html

I was deeply touched when reading her lines. 

I feel like an outsider most of the time. It is so lovely to see that I do belong somewhere.

Thank you Mali, for everything.

Guess which European city this is

This is a contest for my readers outside Europe.
Guess in which city I took these photos just for you, few days ago :)

I still regret that I don't have children and I know I always will. But this is one of the silver linings of my childlessness: going on plenty business trips. I don't have enough money to travel often, so it is just lovely to see a bit of the world while working.

Unfortunately not

I went out for a drink after business event with 10 colleagues from other companies. We were chatting, drinking beer, laughing. In the meantime I had time to talk to a colleague sitting closest to me. I didn't know him well before. I learnt that his first child will be born in January. He was so proud and happy when he was talking about it.

I think it was the first time ever that the news like that didn't hurt. Perhaps it is because I am at that age that I don't long for having a baby. I long for a teenage child of my own. I still daydream sometimes what would be our life like if I could have a child easily - our first child would be already 12 now!

The colleague started to describe their awesome honeymoon so I described ours, 13 years ago, 10,000 kilometers made with Northern American Rail Pass, across Canada & USA.

He asked: "So, you have been married for 13 years?".
Me: "Yes."
He: "Do you have any children?"
Me: "Unfortunately not."

His eyes widened, in a second he grasped the meaning of my answer and he softly switched the conversation to a safe neutral topic. I was really thankful for that. Not many people have intelligence and kindness to do this as gently as this colleague did.

I wish him and his family all the best for the future.

Guest bloggers needed

I know that there are many of you, reading my blog. It would be lovely if we could read  your thoughts on living childless after infertility. 

So far I have had only one guest blogger, Elaine and I just loved her post:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2016/06/on-hope-written-by-elaine.html

If you decide to be my guest blogger, send me a post to: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com

I promise that I will never reveal your email, name nor anything else to anybody.



PS: on the photo: Perito Moreno, Argentina, photo taken in 2006. In the hard days of our infertility journey the travelling was a great way to heal. Whenever we came back - it was still hard and painful. But at least, we had 1 month of complete break from the constant sadness while travelling.
BTW: Argentina is a beautiful country to travel. My husband and I both hope that we will visit it one day again. 

Belissima Italia

I am back! It was lovely to be able to escape office work for few days. 

I worked hard and yet I found some time to take some beautiful photos for you. Photos were taken in the region north and north-east of Venice.

Cup of coffee

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/11/17/travel/slovenia-travel-guide/

I loved this article.

So, who is coming next to have a cup of coffee with me :)

Give every day the chance

 

I saw this quote while walking to work and it made my day. 

Wishing you all a lovely week! Mine will including packing bags again and travelling to another country for work (just a note: 4 different countries that speak 4 different languages are only 1 hour driving from my home; it's an advantage of living in a tiny country).