I am a 40-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention. I will be happy to hear from you: klara.soncek (@ ) gmail.com
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Living Now
I admired this painting in the national gallery. It is a portrait of the family of a medical doctor, painted before 1835. More then 180 years ago.
All the members of the family are long dead.
Did the couple have any additional children?
Did their children have children of their own?
Are their genes passed on or did the family die out?
It doesn't really matter.
All that each of us has is now.
So I will make the most of my day today.
I will read a good book (I enjoy reading the third book about Cormoran Strike) and after the lunch we will go for a long walk with Wolfie.
Which reminded me of my Wolf, master of living in the moment:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2012/02/master-of-living-in-moment-meet-wolf.html
Wolfie is mastering this skill perfectly already too, and he is not even 12 months old.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Most of the people do
I watched the movie Saving Mr. Banks. I liked it a lot.
My favourite quote of the movie is when a taxi driver says: "I have a kid."
And Emma Thomson / who is playing the author of Mary Poppins says: "Most of the people do."
What a brilliant comment!
Beautiful video
Beautiful video of the streets I walked yesterday:
https://vimeo.com/kairosvimeo/ljubljanadragoncity
https://vimeo.com/kairosvimeo/ljubljanadragoncity
Friday, January 29, 2016
A beautiful painting
I finished work earlier today, so I could cycle to the city centre and visit our national gallery. It was just reopened after renovation and the entrance is free of charge this week, so I visited it.
I like many paintings there. But the one that I liked the most today was a painting "Woman drinking coffee by Ivana Kobilca".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivana_Kobilca
I just love the expression on old woman's face. It looks so gentle, kind, at peace with life, enjoying in small things. I would like to be the same.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Not Having Children
And I liked the post Not having children even more:
https://notquiteold.wordpress.com/2015/05/06/not-having-children
https://notquiteold.wordpress.com/2015/05/06/not-having-children
Yes, I can judge your kids
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-roman/yes-i-can-judge-your-kids_b_9032920.html?utm_hp_ref=fifty&ir=Fifty%3Futm_hp_ref%3Dfifty&ir=Fifty&
Loribeth, thank you so much for sharing this article. It is just brilliant.
Loribeth, thank you so much for sharing this article. It is just brilliant.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Chambre sans berceau / Cradleless room
Yesterday evening I listened to The Song of Old Lovers / La chanson des vieux amants
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2016/01/jacques-brel-la-chanson-des-vieux.html
together with my husband. He loved it as well.
When cuddling in the evening, I said to him that French couple had
Vingt ans d'amour / Twenty years of love
and we have so far
Treize ans d'amour / Thirteen years of love
And he commented that we also have cradleless room.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so he explained.
I was touched that he noticed such small, but yet so big detail.
I am now hearing again to the song and yes, there is a line about Chambre sans berceau / Cradleless room.
I love the song even more now.
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2016/01/jacques-brel-la-chanson-des-vieux.html
together with my husband. He loved it as well.
When cuddling in the evening, I said to him that French couple had
Vingt ans d'amour / Twenty years of love
and we have so far
Treize ans d'amour / Thirteen years of love
And he commented that we also have cradleless room.
I didn't know what he was talking about, so he explained.
I was touched that he noticed such small, but yet so big detail.
I am now hearing again to the song and yes, there is a line about Chambre sans berceau / Cradleless room.
I love the song even more now.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Jacques Brel: La chanson des vieux amants (Mon merveilleux amour)
I had beautiful day at work. While working, I was listening to French chansons. There are so many beautiful ones.
This one I just couldn't stop listening, it is just wonderful:
Bien
sûr, nous eûmes des orages,
Vingt ans d'amour, c'est l'amour fol, Mille fois tu pris ton bagage, Mille fois je pris mon envol. Et chaque meuble se souvient, Dans cette chambre sans berceau, Des éclats des vieilles tempêtes. Plus rien ne ressemblait à rien, Tu avais perdu le goût de l'eau, Et moi celui de la conquête.
Mais,
mon amour,
Mon doux, mon tendre, mon merveilleux amour, De l'aube claire jusqu'à la fin du jour, Je t'aime encore, tu sais, je t'aime.
Moi,
je sais tous tes sortilèges,
Tu sais tous mes envoûtements, Tu m'as gardé de pièges en pièges, Je t'ai perdue de temps en temps. Bien sûr tu pris quelques amants, Il fallait bien passer le temps, Il faut bien que le corps exulte. Et finalement, finalement, Il nous fallut bien du talent Pour être vieux sans être adultes.
Oh,
mon amour,
Mon doux, mon tendre, mon merveilleux amour, De l'aube claire jusqu'à la fin du jour, Je t'aime encore, tu sais, je t'aime.
Et
plus le temps nous fait cortège,
Et plus le temps nous fait tourment, Mais n'est-ce pas le pire piège Que vivre en paix pour des amants ? Bien sûr tu pleures un peu moins tôt, Je me déchire un peu plus tard, Nous protégeons moins nos mystères. On laisse moins faire le hasard, On se méfie du fil de l'eau, Mais c'est toujours la tendre guerre.
Oh,
mon amour,
Mon doux, mon tendre, mon merveilleux amour, De l'aube claire jusqu'à la fin du jour, Je t'aime encore, tu sais, je t'aime. |
Of
course we have had our storms
Twenty years of love is strong love You packed your bags a thousand times. I flew the coop a thousand times. And every piece of furniture, remembers, in this cradleless room, the bolts of old thunderstorms Nothing resembles anything anymore. You lost the flow of the stream, and , the zest for the conquest..
But
my darling
My sweet, my tender, my marvelous darling, From clear dawn to sunset, I still love you, I do...
I
know all of your mystic charms,
You know all of my enchantments You kept me from trap to snare, I lost you from time to time Of course, you took a few lovers. one must pass the time. the body must of course exult. But in the end, in the end, We needed much talent to get old, without becoming adults...
But
my darling
My sweet, my tender, my marvelous darling, From clear dawn to sunset, I still love you, I do...
The
longer time accompanies us,
The more Time torments us But is it not the worst trap to live in Peace as Lovers? Of course, you don't cry as early My heart is torn a bit later, We protect our secrets a bit less. We leave a little less to chance, we are suspicious of the water flow But it is still the sweet war
Oh
my darling
My sweet, my tender, my marvelous darling, From clear dawn to sunset, I still love you, I do... |
Sunday, January 17, 2016
I've got scars that can't be seen
I've been listening to the last David Bowie's song many times.
I love it.
I love the quote "I've got scars that can't be seen".
I could say the same.
When I was living in the darkest days of my infertility, I was so depressed that I couldn't even see one bright side of my life.
But if I change the prospective, if I project myself (hopefully) many years ahead, in the last weeks of my life, infertility doesn't really matter. It was only one part of my life. My own children just weren't meant to be part of my life. And it is OK this way too.
I've learnt an important lesson from people who died.
I have to enjoy the life that I have, I have to make most out of it.
I am off to take beloved Wolfie for a long walk.
Je besoin d'aide - chanteurs français
For my French homework I have to present one French singer / one French song that I like the most.
To be frank, I don't know any French singers (well, I know and like Edith Piaf, but I guess many of my schoolfriends will present her, so I need another idea).
Which is your favourite French song?
To be frank, I don't know any French singers (well, I know and like Edith Piaf, but I guess many of my schoolfriends will present her, so I need another idea).
Which is your favourite French song?
Two December photos
I wanted to share those two picture with you already in December. I went for a cup of coffee with a friend of mine to most beautiful medieval small town in my country:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radovljica
Isn't it beautiful?
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer
I've always known and liked this Klimt's painting, but I never knew the story. I watched the brilliant movie with my husband yesterday:
Woman in Gold
It is one of the best movies we have ever seen.
Adele Bloch-Bauer couldn't have children and she loved her husband's nieces dearly. She was like a second mother to them.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
In the end, everything will be okay
“In the end, everything will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not yet the end."
~Fernando Sabino, translated from Portuguese”
***
I felt like sharing my husband's favourite quote :)
Friday, January 8, 2016
Miscellaneous
I got many kind Christmas & New Years emails from my bloggie friends, telling me also why they read my blog. What my blog means to them. I was deeply touched by reading them. Thank you again.
This is part of the email that made my day:
"Please do keep writing your blog! You might be envious of my youth, but I'm envious of the peace and wisdom you seem to have tonnes of!"
Yes, I intend to keep writing. Since writing a blog was very therapeutic for me.
So far my blog has 90,999 pageviews & 2,300 comments.
When I started writing 4 years ago, I never thought the numbers of the blogs will ever get that high.
***
I am an introverted person, so starting a new work year is always a bit stressful. Since it means I have to wish Happy New Year to all of my coworkers and business partners that I meet in a week after which means lots of kissing (on the cheeks) with like 150 people. It went quite well. This year I didn't get any "may all your wishes from the bottom of your heart come true" "may you get everything you wish for". But I did get lots of wishes that include lots of travelling. Just a perfect wish for me!
I guess having first grey hair blocks any wishes about pregnancy / adoption .
***
I read this story today:
http://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/jan/07/young-mothers-trapped-cycle-babies-removed?CMP=fb_gu
It is so sad to think that you get a baby available for an adoption because a young mother didn't get enough help. Can't even imagine how heartbroken those young mother must be.
You see, I have a soft spot for young mothers. My mom was only 17 when I was born. And luckily I had a granny (she was 38 when I was born) who took care of me and my mom when we needed her the most.
This is part of the email that made my day:
"Please do keep writing your blog! You might be envious of my youth, but I'm envious of the peace and wisdom you seem to have tonnes of!"
Yes, I intend to keep writing. Since writing a blog was very therapeutic for me.
So far my blog has 90,999 pageviews & 2,300 comments.
When I started writing 4 years ago, I never thought the numbers of the blogs will ever get that high.
***
I am an introverted person, so starting a new work year is always a bit stressful. Since it means I have to wish Happy New Year to all of my coworkers and business partners that I meet in a week after which means lots of kissing (on the cheeks) with like 150 people. It went quite well. This year I didn't get any "may all your wishes from the bottom of your heart come true" "may you get everything you wish for". But I did get lots of wishes that include lots of travelling. Just a perfect wish for me!
I guess having first grey hair blocks any wishes about pregnancy / adoption .
***
I read this story today:
http://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/jan/07/young-mothers-trapped-cycle-babies-removed?CMP=fb_gu
It is so sad to think that you get a baby available for an adoption because a young mother didn't get enough help. Can't even imagine how heartbroken those young mother must be.
You see, I have a soft spot for young mothers. My mom was only 17 when I was born. And luckily I had a granny (she was 38 when I was born) who took care of me and my mom when we needed her the most.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy & Healthy New Year!
I wish you a Happy & Healthy New Year!
Not that many years ago I always included in my wishes a sentence "May all your wishes come true."
I don't write that any more. I learnt that not all the wishes come true. And it is OK this way too.
I am reading a Swedish bestseller:

I just love it. A quote from the novel:
"Every human being needs to know what she's fighting for. That was what they said. And she fought for what was good. For the children she never had. And Ove fought for her."
Not that many years ago I always included in my wishes a sentence "May all your wishes come true."
I don't write that any more. I learnt that not all the wishes come true. And it is OK this way too.
I am reading a Swedish bestseller:
I just love it. A quote from the novel:
"Every human being needs to know what she's fighting for. That was what they said. And she fought for what was good. For the children she never had. And Ove fought for her."
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