You hold them close to your heart

 

I have just returned from a two-day teambuilding and New Year's Eve party with my colleagues. It was OK for the most part, but there was one thing that really bothered me.

Part of the team building was a talk (by a hired professional) on how to make the most of our time. And to start with, each of us had to answer two questions: What are we most proud of in our lives? What will we be most proud of in 2023?

If I were with a group of close friends, I would have no problem answering.

My husband and I have gone through the dark years of infertility with 10 failed IVFs and it has made our love for each other even deeper, stronger, gentler and more beautiful.

Regarding 2023 (and 2022): I am proud of my husband. He went through a hell of a time grieving the sudden death of his beloved nephew. On top of that, his elderly mother became very ill and he lovingly cared for her. She died in her sleep a few weeks ago.  And through it all, he has remained strong, living each day to the best of his ability and solving all the problems that come up day after day. I admire his strength and his love. And I am proud of myself. I have been there for him every step of the way.

But these things are very personal and I am not prepared to share them with random colleagues.

Most of my colleagues responded / were proud of / included something about their children. And almost all the answers received warm applause.

My answer was that I was proud of myself for learning to make time for things that are important to me, like going for a walk every day.

My short speech didn't get any applause.  

Not that it really mattered, but it still bothered me. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I was looking at the latest:  https://gateway-women.com/firesidewisdom-rolemodels/

and came across a beautiful thought by Donna Ward. When I heard it, I suddenly felt at ease, at home.

"When you get to a certain age, you realize what your achievements are, and you have done those things. No one else has done those things. And your friends who are living a life that is of the mainstream will never understand the achievements you have done. You hold them close to your heart and that is what makes you walk well in the world, those achievements." 

PS: on the photo: our capital, Ljubljana, in Christmas lights

My Christmas wish

I have the same Christmas wish as the last eight years. 

I would like to receive an email from you. 

To know who you are. 

Where you come from. 

Why you read my blog. 

What my blog means to you. 

Has it helped you in any way?

 I promise I will not publish your email or misuse it in any way. And I promise to write back :) 

 My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com 

Looking forward to Christmas :) 

 

PS:  I've just baked a walnut potica, a traditional Slovenian sweet pastry.

Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.

 

Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think. 

~Chinese Proverb

 

 

I came across this proverb in the book that I am reading and I loved it.

 

In the photo: a beautiful bouquet I made from flowers I had grown in my garden, for my friend's 50th birthday. I love creating something beautiful with my own hands.

I can see that you don't have children

 

I am sharing with you my old post that I wrote 8 years ago. It is the most read post on my blog:

https://thenext15000days.blogspot.com/2015/03/i-can-see-that-you-dont-have-children.html

 

I love re-reading my old posts. 

Most of the posts I would now re-write, change, delete. But this one.. is just perfect as it is.

 

The old man who looks like the Santa: he is still alive and healthy enough to work. He sent me a text just yesterday with greetings.

Priceless

 

For 13 years I have been invited to the birthday parties of my cousin's children. For the first few years, I always thanked them for the invitation but declined. It would have broken my heart. My cousin didn't stop inviting me the following year (as most people with children did) and I will be forever grateful for that.

I have been going to the birthday lunches for a few years now. It feels good to be included.

I made a special birthday present for my niece this year (well, technically she's not really my niece, but she feels like one). An album of 150 photos: the best moments I have had with her over the last 14 years. I wrote down all the dates and for each photo I wrote a short story.

I didn't know if she would like it. But no matter what - I decided to make it and give it to her. What she does with it is out of my hands.

She was very happy to receive the album. She proudly showed it to the other children in the family (there were lots of their photos in her album too) and they admired the photos together.

Just priceless.

***

The photo on the blog: I did a treasure hunt for my niece and three other children for her 6th birthday. The present was a beautiful blue T-shirt with a hundred stars on it.

Bosnia

I visited Bosnia again after many years. It was a wonderful holiday, catching up with people I love.

I share some of my favourite photos with you.

1st of September

 

Most of the time I am doing OK with my childlessness.

But not on 1st of September.  

I used to look forward to the first day of school every year. I used to dream of all the rituals I would do with my children one day.

It is only one of those days that reminds me of our loss. (Can you lose something you never had? Yes, you can).

***

On the brighter side.  I spent two lovely days last week with my eleven-year-old niece and nephew, who were staying with us. The highlight of their stay was a walk around the beautiful Lake Bohinj (see photo) in the middle of the Julian Alps. There are 13 km around the lake. I also invited the two girls of our neighbours. It was just wonderful - spending a whole day with four lovely children. We were also swimming in the lake.

It reminded me how easy it is to do fun, active things when you have children.


I know I am just a small part of these children's lives. But at the same time - I will always be the one who took them for their first walk around this beautiful lake. Just priceless.

A beautiful sunflower & changing the number in the text :)

 

Has anyone read my bio lately?

I am a 50-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention. I will be happy to hear from you: klara.soncek (@ ) gmail.com

I've just changed the number in the text :) 

 

Turning 40 was stressful. I had been struggling with infertility for the whole decade and I knew that if I didn't have a child by 40, it would never happen. So turning 40 and accepting a life without children forever was heartbreakingly hard.

Turning 50? Easy. I have learnt to enjoy the little things. No matter how small. Like admiring every day this beautiful sunflower I planted.

You won’t get today back

I am enclosing two photos from my holiday in Dalmatia. The sea was very warm and crystal clear, so I could swim for hours every day. The iced coffee was delicious! It was nice to sit in the shade of the trees to avoid the sun when it was strongest.

I am still reading a great book (I will tell you about it in the next post). There was a quote: "You won't get today back". This thought kept me busy for a few days .... so I made sure I made the most of all my todays while I was at the seaside.

There were some small moments of sadness when I saw a family with teenage children enjoying their summer, just like I hoped once my summer holidays would be.

Then I remembered the line from the book and decided that I was not going to waste another day on sadness. So I concentrated on all the good things in my life.