I wanted this post to be a happy one. I wanted to tell you that the reason I haven't been blogging for a while was that I was just too busy living a happy life in our new home.
I wanted to tell you how lovely it felt hosting a second pyama party in our new home. There were five nieces and nephews, all under the age of 11. Needless to say it was a very vivid house for two days. And yes, I was exhausted afterwards :)
A nephew aged 6 asked me for few times that weekend why I didn't have any children of our own. The question didn't hurt. I explained that when I want to have kids, I just borrow them from their parents.
I wanted to tell you about my travellings (all for work).
I wanted to tell you a silly coworker who - despite knows about my infertility - needed to share the story how profound beautiful is the moment when you get the child into your lap for a very first time and how awesome is the feeling nursing a child for the whole year. No, she isn't mean... just lacks emotional intelligence.
I wanted to tell you with how many incredible people in my life I was influenced to make a decision: to completely change my profession. I applied to study again at the faculty, I will know at the end of July if I am accepted. It isn't that I don't like my work. After all, I am greatful for it - with the money I earnt I could pay my share of the cost for our beautiful new home. It is just that I don't want to do office work for another 25 years.
But this post won't be a happy nor a light one.
I went to the main hospital in our country yesterday. And I got a diagnosis: basal cell carcinoma (with a nick name BCC). I know it is very unlikely to be fatal. But still... I worry. Especially since it is on a spot that is very difficult to remove.
After the visit in the clinic I cycled back to my office. It was the most beautiful ride you can imagine - I was seeing everything from a new prospective. It was a warm sunny spring day and all I could think is that I want to live.
When I got back to the office two coworkers asked me how it went so I told them. They were so nice - one of them even hugged me.
People are so good at handling the news regarding cancer (at least early stages when there is still all the hope that everything will go well).
In all the years when suffering because infertility it never ever happened that somebody would hug me (except my beloved husband).
A dear friend of mine also went through BCC and I will have her in my mind when dealing with it. Afterwards I will have a cool scar that will tell a story of surviving... just like she has.