Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A Happy Dog

I loved this video so much.
The owner of this dog is from the USA, she married and moved to my country, so she sees her dog very seldom.
Here is the joy of her dog when seeing her after two years.
The video was watched on Youtube already 27 million times :)

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Unanswered questions

My mother likes me better than my father. 
My father loves me more than my mother. 

I knew that always, it is just more clear every year.

I used to wonder what kind of mother would I be? 
Would I like my child? 
Loving him/her was never a question.

Some questions will remain unanswered, for good. 
And I am (almost) OK with it.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Broken dreams & a beautiful world

I was in this city for two days (does anybody knows which city it is?),  working. Since it is summer and the sea is wonderful for swimming (it has 25C),  I chose to stay for one night at the sea resort, full of families with small children and older couples. I was the only alone person there.  

I got quite some strange looks since people are not used that one goes to the beach alone. Or that one has dinner in hotel restaurant alone.  

Infertility gave me a thick skin. So strange looks didn't bother me. I found them amusing.  

In a way I like to be different. 

I enjoyed my late afternoon off work, swimming and reading a book.
(I am reading now this book:
I like it.

I enjoyed going for a long walk in the evening and early morning.  

At breakfast, I sat alone at big table. And after a while came a little 6-year-old girl and asked me if she could join me with her granny. Obviously I said yes. I chatted a bit with the girl, Aurora, a clever little girl she was.   After a while she asked me: "And you are here all alone???"  

I wasn't hurt. I explained the little girl that was there for work and that even if you go alone swimming (when you are big) it is fun.  

When I was paying for my hotel room, I noticed that they have the poem Desiderata in a frame. I read it for the first time in my own language. 

The words of the line "With all ... broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world" touched my soul.

So true!

Monday, July 21, 2014

I love sea

We just returned from our first holidays this year (1 night at the seaside). It was lovely to spend some time with DH. 

The last photo: this is the photo of the most beautiful hotel in our country. Obviously we were not staying there. But - admiring is free of charge :)

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Here comes the Sun

I remember when Princess 1 (brother's daughter) and Princess 2 (cousin's daughter) were born (6 and 4 years ago) my heart was broken. I was in the middle of unsuccessful IVFs. 

There exist photos where I hold them in my arms, for the first time. I am smiling (you are supposed to be smiling with a newborn). But my eyes are full of sadness. I can see that on the photos.   

At that time I was so sad that I almost didn't want to live any longer. Sadness, beyond the description. Only the one who experienced it, can understand. 

I always loved Beatles' song Here comes the Sun.  Even after the darkest of the nights, there comes the Sun. Sooner or later.

I invited this weekend both Princesses for a sleep over to my home, for the first time ever. The little one already confirmed - she can not wait. She packed her backpack already few days ago :)  
(I am lucky - my cousin firmly believes that the more people her children have in their life, better it is for them. And her daughter has always been very independent. I guess she is my favorite child of all).

Princess 1 declined the invitation - but she might change her mind (her mum is very possessive and doesn't want to share her children with anybody). 

I am not hurt. I am just lucky to have Princess 2 in my life as well.

And I am really looking forward to Friday night.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Missing Maria

Maria's 43rd birthday is approaching and that date reminded me of her.

Dear Maria,
I still miss you. I always will.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Photos from Normandy II

It was only 110 days after I published this post:

and it was only 100 days after Kaymet, my dear bloggie friend from France published this post on her blog:

and it was only  90 days after a kind Irouwen sent me many beautiful photos from Normandy (including the one above)

and it was only  85 days after I showed the photos of his brother's graveyard to my father-in-law 

that my father-in-law died.

He died almost exactly 70 years after his brother.

Although I guess he did not believe in after-life nor heaven, I hope that they are together, the two brothers, in a place without pain and worries.


I never thought that infertility would bring me anything positive.

But it has. Because of my infertility I had started to slip into depression. And by writing a blog I tried to save me. Not only did I save myself, but I also  found kind souls all around the world.

Dear Kaymet & dear Irouwen - thank you again for your help. I will never forget it. 
The photos meant a lot for my father-in-law. 
The photos were the best gift that he got in the last few decades I guess.