Saturday, February 4, 2023

Today's moments are tomorrow's memories

 


Highlight of any trip to Italy?  A cappuccino & brioche! 

I loved the quote in the cafe! 

***

I talked to an ex-coworker, a mother of two teenage girls. I love her but at the same time she was the most annoying of my coworkers - talking constantly about all the lovely time she has with other "mommy friends" - friends, she met through her daughters. 

Long story short - yesterday she was pretty desperate. Her daughters don't get along with the friends from their childhood so slowly also friendships with the mothers of those friends are drifting apart. My friend is desperate about this. 

I just listened.

But I didn't feel sorry. If only she knew how many times I was excluded just because I am childless and I don't belong. 

I looked back to my life and felt proud. There are many friendships I cherish and treasure. They were made because I am me and not because I am someone's mom. 

 


Friday, January 6, 2023

A letter to me and a hospital car park (written by Patricia Faulks)

In my day, as a young girl, child, I had no idea of where babies came from, I'd played with dolls  but I knew I'd have them.  I went on assuming I'd have kids. They'd materialise.  So to stop and prepare for the world crashing down when we found out we, my ex partner and I, couldn't have them.  I wish someone had said something like the following to me after we'd done weeping in the hospital car park after learning our childless fate and being left 'to it'. 

Some time later, I'd say -I know how much you love children, babies.  Well then, you must hear this, continue to love them but don't be needing them. Many folk don't nowadays - need them.

So you see, although babies are necessary to keep the  world turning,  not all of us need to or be able to have them.  And it will not matter one bit.  It will not matter because we childless will be indispensable.  We're very useful when we have no kids.  YOU will be in quite a priviledged position.  You will grow with the freedom of being able to be just you and not just someone's mother.  YOU.

There'll be pressure. No children? Why not? Not having kids? Why not? And you will answer - we couldn't have children. You won't fudge it. We couldnt have children. No discussions, no shall we shan't we. None of that.  Your decision'll be made for you and that decision may well be made for a reason. Not simply it wasn't meant to be, but it was meant to be.  Take your message to the world - it's not compulsory to have babies, children.  It's not compulsory to think that's the only way to fulfillment. Sometimes it's not possible. And see it as a responsible thing A caring thing.

You may decide to  be a warrior for the childless and childfree.  The message of responsibility to yourself, the unborn child, the planet.  Your wellbeing. Taking the message of childlessness out to the uninformed. That'll be you.  You're childless so listen up world.   You'll love being a voice won't you? See how you can fill, nay, use that 'gap'? See how so many of your childless 'sisters' and indeed 'brother's' are working hard to unite that voice? The childless are coming eh? YOU..

Learn everything there is to learn.  Without children.  Learn to be independent. Love being independent.  Without children.  You will be free to be you.  Not defined by being mother, not defined by having three kids, but YOU.  Having no children will make you very special in your own way.  Some inspiring people will tell you that. In turn You must tell lots of people.

You will matter and you'll matter because you don't and couldn't have children. But you will be special.  You will hear that message. Your childlessness does not define you.  Special -

Believe it.  Because it will be true. 

written by Patricia Faulks, author of the blog:  https://www.justmeandlilley.co.uk/ 

***

During Christmas holidays I listened to Gateway Elderwomen: https://gateway-women.com/childless-elderwomen/ 

I loved listening to it, there is so much wisdom there! I came across Patricia's letter to her younger self and I loved it so much that I asked her if I was allowed to share it here. 

 

Thursday, January 5, 2023

Baking a traditional potica

 







I bought myself a wonderful new year gift: a traditional round baking tray made of clay. 

Baking potica is part of every Slovenian holiday. It was delicious!


The books

I love having time for reading books. 

I have just read the novel Violeta (I loved it), written by one of my favourite authors, Isabel Allende. 

I found a beautiful quote there: 

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" 

Mary Oliver


And here is a quote from the novel:

"I only regret that you didn't have children, but we can't always get what we wish for in this world."


Exactly! 

(the novel isn't about childlessness at all)

Monday, January 2, 2023

Happy & Healthy New Year!



I wish all my readers a very Happy & Healthy New Year! 

I had nice December. I decided I am done skipping life so I attended almost all the parties I was invited to. It felt nice, being part of life.  

I found new strategies to avoid small talk that hurt (like parents starting a topic how you don't know the real meaning of life until you have children). I slipped away from that conversation and joined colleagues on the dance floor. I love dancing! And nobody can hurt me with words there! 

I sent also a lot of holiday greeting emails and texts and I got many back. Most of them were lovely. One wasn't. It was a group text written by a friend (but not a close one):

... I wish you a happy new year. May your children be healthy and I wish you are never lonely...  

I was a bit angry (for few minutes), but I didn't let that this silly text spoils my day.

*** 

Have you heard about Chatgpt? 

I logged into the chat and asked: What can I say to a childless woman?

Here is AI advice:

It's important to be sensitive and respectful when speaking with someone who is childless. Here are a few suggestions for things you might say to a childless woman:

  • "I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about anything."
  • "I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you."
  • "I'm here to support you in any way that I can."
  • "I understand if you don't want to talk about this, but please know that I'm here for you if you change your mind."
  • "I'm so sorry that you're going through this."

It's also important to remember that everyone's experience is different, so it's okay to ask the person how they are feeling and if there is anything specific that they need or would like to talk about. It's always okay to show your support and concern, but be sure to respect the person's boundaries and preferences.

 

So - here is the proof. AI is way more sensitive as my friend is! 

 

*** 

I am attaching few photos from Ljubljana city centre, I went for a walk on the last day of 2022 with darling husband. It was a lovely walk, the city centre of Ljubljana is just magical with all the Christmas lights. 

 *** 

I got only one email this year (as per my Christmas wish). 

I will be glad to get an email also in January. Or February :) 

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

My Christmas wish

I have the same Christmas wish as the last seven years.
I would love to get an email from you.
To learn who you are. 
Where you come from.
Why you read my blog.
What my blog means to you.  
Did it help in any way?

I promise I will not publish your emails, nor misuse them in any way.
And I promise I will write back :)

My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com


I am looking forward to Christmas :)


PS: I took this photo in the city center of our capital - Ljubljana - few years ago.

The kids & fitting in

 

I love taking photos. I took my  nephews and nieces for a photo shooting. The light wasn't that great so the pictures aren't perfect. But they are beautiful anyway.

I don't have many opportunities to have kids just for myself, this opportunity was rare so I took advantage of it.

Everything was so easy and perfect. I drove to my home town to meet the kids. We went for a walk into the town centre and there was an event for kids so we stopped a bit to watch. I took the photos, we ate the cake. I didn't have any particular plan for that day, but everything came together just perfectly.  

I noticed that while attending the event, there were many people looking at me, nodding and greeting (nobody had as many kids as I did that day ;)  It was so easy to be a part of the town life. The town, that made me feeling invisible in the last two decades since I just didn't fit it.  

The youngest niece is now almost three and a half. She asked me where I live so I explained. I told her that I live less then one hour driving away from the rest of the family. She thought a bit and said: "Then you are probably very sad." I asked her how she meant. She replied: "Because we live all here and you live far away." 

I loved her for her comment. She isn't even four and yet she is thinking about how someone else feels. I saw so much of me in her. 

I explained to the little one that I am not sad since I have a car so I can visit them whenever I want.

****

I can't share the photo of the beautiful kids. So I am sharing a photo of the beautiful Slovenian mountains. I went hiking to 2.000 meters+ with my parents in October. My resolution for the 2023: to do many more hikes (hopefully my knees will agree with this plan).