Saturday, August 31, 2013

Beyond The Dream Of Motherhood

It is lovely Saturday morning. I am home alone, so I have time to enjoy some time on Internet.
I just came across a beautiful new blog: 

It brought memories back, how difficult it was for me to end IVF treatments and to accept fact that I will never be a mother.  The memories are sad. But remembering, it does not make me sad any more. It just is the part of my past. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Beautiful Czech Republic

We just returned from the holidays. Here are some photos:






I was really looking forward to our holidays but on the other hand I was also a bit scared. Why? 
The only holiday so far that we had in Czech Republic was exactly 2 years ago, when we went to clinic in Brno for an egg donation. We used the days between egg retrieval and embryo transfer for the holiday.
I was afraid that travelling around will bring back sad memories. Well, the memories did come back. But not in a bad way. It is just part of my healing process.
I remember that last time I was filled with different hormones.. It was lovely to travel this time, 100 % drug free.
I remember that last time, whenever we visited any church, I prayed for Eliška & František (nick names for our so much wanted children).  This time I prayed for health, love and peace in my heart.
I remember that last time I loved observing cute children. And thinking if our half-adopted child would look like them. This time cute Czech children were just cute children, nothing more.
We had lovely time together, discovering a beautiful country.
If you are interested to learn more, here is the official tourism web site:

Friday, August 23, 2013

Gifts of infertility

Mali's today post warmed my heart:
I couldn't agree more!
And - I am looking forward to having lunch one day in New Zealand with Mali and our two DHs.


I have to start packing now... my DH & me will go for a holiday tomorrow early in the morning. Direction: North / North-east.

I am really looking forward to our holidays.

Photos will follow when we are back.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Turning 40

I had my 40th birthday few days ago.

As a childless woman I was afraid of turning 40.  But it was not hard.  I just kept thinking about my dear friend Maria who died when 37. She would give anything to be 40  (and so would her husband).

As I have already written - my only mission right now is to get the best of my next 40 years.  If I am lucky, 40 happy years are waiting for me.

I had a lovely day yesterday. I went swimming in the lake with my best friend. It was the first whole day together that we had in the last 8 years. How great it is that her kids are getting more independant every day!

So I really feel that I am getting my old happy life back. Bit by bit.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Would You Tell Someone You Were Infertile?

I loved Pamela's post:

It made me think.
The majority of people talk about their infertility after they have had a baby. So it really gives false impression - that all problems can be solved with medical assistance. 

It is not true. I can tell. I have had 10 IVFs. I don't have any child.
(I am not sad any more. It just is what it is. My mission now: to get the best out of my next 40 years).

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Enjoying in a beautiful summer

No time to write.
I am too busy with enjoying beautiful hot summer, I go swimming almost every day.

Today I read on the beach of the lake this book:
Listen to My Voice

Beautiful novel! It made me think - being a mother is not a guarantee for happiness.

Susanna Tamaro is one of the best Italian novelist. The first of her novels that I read years ago was this one:

Follow Your Heart

I loved it! I have to reread it one day.

Enjoy your summer! I will be back when the temperatures fall under 30 C (now we are having every day 37 C (=99 F).