Wednesday, April 25, 2012

We need to talk about Kevin

I am too busy enjoying myself in Kuala Lumpur, so this post will be very short :)

I love travelling so much, it is our second day in KL. We like the city, but it so hot and humid... so we are really looking to Cameron Highlands tomorrow for couple of days.

On the flight I watched lots of movies. The one that really stayed with me is We need to talk about Kevin:

Have you watched the movie? A great movie for any infertile woman :)

Have to go....  my husband limits my time on the internet :)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Good bye

... but will be back in one month!

We have a flight to Asia in few days and have to organize million of things before we go. So I literally have no time for any after-infertility thoughts. Which is good :)

The legs on the photo are not mine, but I hope I will be able to make a similar photo soon. Currently I am struggling with finding a room on Perhentian Islands (they are supposed to be paradise, obviously lots of tourist have heard it).

And now I have to spend as much time as I can walking the Wolf before I go. I will miss him!

This is the biggest advantage that I see in being childless/childfree. We can just pack our rucksacks, take some clothes, LP guide and forget about real life for couple of weeks (forget about everything except the Wolf). Isn't it  great??

Take care!

Thursday, April 12, 2012


The longest friendship that I ever had was with Maria from Spain. We met in Dublin, in 1991, when I was nearly 17 and Maria was nearly 19. We were both Au-Pairs and for the first time in our young lives abroad. We were thrilled to be there. And thrilled to find each other. Thrilled to speak English. We met at English classes that we took twice a week in the centre of Dublin. It was something so special for both of us - finding a friend from another country.

For whole year we kept writing long letters and those letters were full of dreams, what we would do the next summer. Our plan was to spend whole summer together in London, as Au Pairs again. And both of us really found families to stay and work with... and we were thrilled to spend 9 Sundays together (our only day off) in London, in 1992.

In the next 17 years that followed we exchanged tons of letters and later on emails and met for couple of times - in Slovenia, Spain, Austria. The last time we saw each other was in Februry 2009, when my DH and I went for one week to Spain. We visited Barcelona, Madrid and the highlight was of course weekend spent in north of Spain with Maria and her husband. It was the first time that all 4 of us were together and we really had a great time together. When we said goodbye on Monday morning at the bus station (we had a bus to catch for Madrid and Maria had to go to work) Maria and I had eyes full of tears, because we knew we wouldn't see each other for few years.None of us thought that was the last time in our life that we see each other.

Maria died on Easter Sunday, 12th April 2009. Today are three years since she is gone. I miss her so much!

I feel so sorry for her mother.
And I feel sorry for her husband, the love of her life.

I remembered when I recieved an email from her husband with heart-breaking news. It was in the morning of her funeral. Maria died of heart failure (and she never ever before had any health problems).

I just couldn't believe my eyes. I dialed Maria's phone number, hoping and praying that there was some kind of missunderstanding. It was not.  Her husband picked up her mobile.

We talked for a while. And than he said he had to tell me something but he was afraid to because he knew he would hurt my feelings. I insisted that he tells me. And he told me that Maria was 3 months pregnant.

Can you imagine? He just lost a wife and their baby. And he was concerened about my feelings. He really deserves a medal of the kindest person ever.

With Maria's death I realized how short life can be. And that none of us really knows how many days / months / years are waiting for us. I realized that I have to start living NOW. To live in the moment. Enjoy my life the way as it is. Not to focuse on the things I do not have. But to focus on the things that I do have in my life. To be happy. Enjoy life. NOW.
The picture was taken in February 2009. We had a beautiful day on the Cantabric see. Maria was pretending that she was Christopher Columbus , looking at America. She loved stories and legends from the past.

Maria... if you see me typing these lines... I hope you know that I loved you. I miss you. I wish you and your baby sweet dreams. The two of you are my guardian angels now.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Mali & The real success stories

dear Mali,
I just read your latest post:

and I loved it!!!  I couldn't agree more with you.



Baby girl in Melbourne

I have just seen news on FB: a friend of mine just had a baby girl. I am really happy for her & sad for me. As always, when a new baby is born.

I met my Aussie friend 11 years ago, when I was working for one month in Germany. We instantly got along and only few weeks later she visited me in Slovenia. After that we met for few times, we always had a great time together.

Also their story was not an easy one.. the baby girl is a miracle baby from their 4th IVF attempt.

One of the nicest invites that I ever got was from this Aussie friend, in autumn, after failed 10th IVF. She invited me & DH to live with them for a month or few months.... if we decided to try luck in the best infertility clinic in Melbourne. Isn't that sweet? I will be always grateful for this invitation.

But I am done with hoping & trying & infertility drugs & IVFs. When we go to Australia (in the next few years), it will be only for holidays.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My sister

I had a nice long Easter weekend despite all the rain (my dog enjoys walks in all kinds of weather). And yesterday I had a visit: my sister and her 2-year-old daughter came for a visit. It was lovely to see them: I missed them both (her daughter is one of the sweetest children I have ever seen).

Here is the news. My sister is highly pregnant, she will have a baby in few weeks. And for the first time since our infertility journey began, I am actually looking forward to a new baby! It really seems that I am on a road to recovery.

To be frank - I am looking forward to the baby. But I still want to avoid all the exciment in the family, all the celebrations etc... so... Asia, here I come :) 
(baby will be born during our holidays)

Friday, April 6, 2012

11,541 empty chairs in Sarajevo

There are 11,541 empty red chairs in Sarajevo today. One for each victim of the city. 

Ceremonies in Sarajevo are marking 20 years since the start of the war in Bosnia-Hercegovina, a conflict that saw the worst atrocities in Europe since World War II.

The conflict began in April 1992 as part of the break-up of Yugoslavia.

About 100,000 people were killed and nearly half the population forced from their homes in four years of fighting.

People have been placing white flowers on some of the chairs as they walk alongside them.

A teddy bear, toys and schoolbooks have been placed on some of the small chairs which symbolise children killed during the four-year long siege by Serb forces.

I regret that the war happened. I am sorry for the ones who were killed. And I am sorry for all the people that lost beloved ones.

Sarajevo is only aproximately 500 kilometers away from my city. So close!

PS: I used some text from today's BBC website. I wanted to use proper English in this post. Sarajevo deserves it. 

PPS: Sarajevo is a beautiful city. You should visit it at least once in your life.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Injections? No, thank you.

I am glad that we cancelled IVF with egg donation that was already booked for end of April. If we wouldn't cancel it, I would be already on injections, suffering all kind of side effects.

I had 9 normal IVFs and 1 with egg donation and I can tell you that the one with egg donation was the hardest.

Anyway, I am happy that I will be able to enjoy drugfree Spring & Summer.

And I am happy never ever in my life to take any infertility drugs again.