Sunday, September 27, 2015

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The results are a relief

Thank you for all of your kind wishes!

I am going back in one week, for monitoring the size of the cyst. But I am not worried any more.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Angels with wet wings do not fly

I had an annual pelvic exam today. I entered to the waiting room and it was a huge relief to see that nobody is waiting. Usually the waiting room is full with pregnant women.

There were tons of different posters, commercials, fliers for pregnant women and women with infants. Then I had noticed small fliers with a title: "Angels with wet wings do not fly." I liked the saying, so I opened the booklet, since I was so sure it was something about infertility. No, infertility does not exist in that waiting room. It was info regarding postnatal depression.

I was called to a nurse, it is the same one who is handeling me for the last two decades. Her first question was: "Any delivery?"  I felt like screaming. I didn't scream. I just replied quietly "No".

She could only open my documents - it is all there. That I had 10 failed IVFs. No delivery. No baby.

Writing about it sounds silly. It hurt then. Now I couldn't care less.
If you get a big problem, you forget about the small ones.

My gynecologist was very kind, as always.

She found a cyst, almost 5 cm long, in my ovary. She said that it could be nothing. But it could be cancer.

Till today I didn't even know that a test with a name CA 125 exists.


Now I know.

One week of waiting before I get the results.

Do keep your fingers crossed for me. Please.

Sunday, September 6, 2015


Today's dinner, freshly picked from my vegetable garden:

Wolfie adores vegetables too:

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Two for the price of one

Some of you might remember when I wrote about Teaching little Daisy:

Daisy passed her final English test with 55 % and this was enough for positive mark. I was very happy (obviously also she and her parents were).

I kept meeting Daisy and her younger sister (one year younger) all summer, they live very close by. And also the younger was very interested in me- she started chatting with me whenever we met, she is also very cute.

I offered their mother that I can teach both girls, together.  And since the younger one is so eager to learn, they agreed. So now I always have both girls together. It is fun. They bring colours into our flat.

Photo was taken today. I gave them a little test. They had to write colours of the balloons and a prize (one balloon) was promised if they write well. Obviously they wrote well, so they could choose a balloon. And I gave two extra balloons for their baby sisters. It is lovely to see joy caused with such small gifts.

I love that I can use my creativity. For example. They love movie Frozen, they always watch it in our language.

They loved hearing it in English.

I am never sad when they are here. And I am not sad when they leave.

I just wish that I had two little girls of my own.... I guess I will always wish that.

Friday, September 4, 2015

One year ago...

I was planning our California & Nevada travelling.
Happy times!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

How time flies!

This photo was taken 4 months ago (I loved reading with little Wolfie):

This 3 months ago (he adores driving, he understood the sentence "Let's go for a car drive"even at that early age):

And this few days ago:

Wolfie is an awesome dog. And I am still his favourite person of the pack.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

1st of September

It was the first day of school today.
I am always a bit sad on this day. 
I think about all of our children who were never born.
I think about kids school books that I will never be able to buy.

I know. I should be grateful for the things that I do have in life and not regret the things that were not meant to be. It is easy to write down sentences like that. But it is harder to really feel that way.