Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Angels with wet wings do not fly

I had an annual pelvic exam today. I entered to the waiting room and it was a huge relief to see that nobody is waiting. Usually the waiting room is full with pregnant women.

There were tons of different posters, commercials, fliers for pregnant women and women with infants. Then I had noticed small fliers with a title: "Angels with wet wings do not fly." I liked the saying, so I opened the booklet, since I was so sure it was something about infertility. No, infertility does not exist in that waiting room. It was info regarding postnatal depression.

I was called to a nurse, it is the same one who is handeling me for the last two decades. Her first question was: "Any delivery?"  I felt like screaming. I didn't scream. I just replied quietly "No".

She could only open my documents - it is all there. That I had 10 failed IVFs. No delivery. No baby.

Writing about it sounds silly. It hurt then. Now I couldn't care less.
If you get a big problem, you forget about the small ones.

My gynecologist was very kind, as always.

She found a cyst, almost 5 cm long, in my ovary. She said that it could be nothing. But it could be cancer.

Till today I didn't even know that a test with a name CA 125 exists:


Now I know.

One week of waiting before I get the results.

Do keep your fingers crossed for me. Please.


  1. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  2. Oh Klara, yes am keeping my fingers crossed and will send positive thoughts and wishes your way over the next week. What plans do you have or can make to try and focus on other things.... Take care, Carmel x

  3. Waiting on news like this is so hard. It feels like time slows down. I found a lump in my breast when I was 24...I was so scared and for about two weeks I didn't know if it was something or nothing.

    I will keep everything crossed for you. You know I'm here. Massive hugs!

  4. Oh, Klara. I am thinking of you, and your dear DH, as you wait for your results. Holding you in my heart, and sending love and best wishes.

  5. Oh Klara, how difficult it must be for you right now! I am so so so so keeping my fingers crossed! And sending you loads of comforting hugs

  6. Oh, the waiting is so hard...HUGE HUGS...fingers and toes crossed!

  7. It is most likely nothing... but how scary! :( Thinking of you & waiting to hear along with you. Sending (((hugs))).

  8. dear girls, thank you for kind wishes and hugs. I appreciate them.

  9. I've been reading for a while, but I haven't commented here till now. You have loads and loads of good thoughts coming from me. CA125 tests are something with which I'm very familiar and it's important to keep in mind that even a test out of the normal range doesn't necessarily mean cancer. The CA125 is notorious for false results. An abnormal test just means they need to do more tests. I know it's scary, but just take it one step at a time. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. Good luck!

    1. dear Kim, thank you!

      dear Carmel and Kim: it is so lovely to see new names in my comments.

  10. Keeping you in my thoughts!!! xoxo
    P.s. I, too, got the question, twice, during my surgical check-in/prep today. So much easier to get it from an older kindly nurse who didn't pry. If only the 2nd younger nurse had exhibited the same bedside manner...i'll take experienced, quiet demeanor over youthful, mindless small talk any day!

  11. I am so sorry - the waiting is hard and if we haven't dealt with enough already in that area.

  12. Sending you many many vibes for a peaceful mind. Wishing you ease and health and happiness always. I found a lump on my breast 3 years ago, and the tests were very energy-draining. Please remember to be extra nice to yourself everyday and distract your mind from scary thoughts. xx