Needing to believe

People whom you love can hurt you the most. 

I have a friend with whom I can talk almost about everything. I like her.  I try to be a supportive friend whenever she needs someone to talk to (someone in her family has been dealing with mild depression). 

Two weeks ago we had a vivid discussion just about everything over the phone. She shared some stories about her almost adult daughters. I am fine with that - as long the conversation isn't only about children. 

But then - out of the blue - she started to tell me about the article that she had read. The main message of the article was that people who have grandchildren, live longer. Because they see the purpose of their living. 

I remained speechless for a moment. 

Once again, I was giving so much into the friendship and receiving so little back. 

In the old days I would have remained silent. Not now. I am done being quiet. I stopped her and asked: "Are you trying to put me into depression?".

She was embarrassed. She apologized and said that she was truly sorry, that she just got carried away and forgot about my story. She commented that this is obviously not true, she was just reporting what she had read.

I said to her that it is very possible that this was true. But that I refuse to believe that. That I need to believe that each of us - regardless of having children/grandchildren or not - needs to find his/her own happiness and the purpose of life. And that it isn't necessary that this purpose is something huge. Each of us has to figure out the way. 

*******

Here is the song that I loved the most at the Eurovision. I have been listening to it constantly, it is just wonderful. 

******* 

I took a photo of the flowers on the meadow very close to our home.  It made me happy, watching the flowers. Not many countries around the world have meadows as beautiful as ours. Or - perhaps I am wrong and I just never travelled at the time of blooming meadows.

 

A pandemic activity Nº11

 

And yes. I didn't used my time only for useful things. I also have my guilty pleasures :) 

I enjoyed watching The Bridgerton a lot. I watched it in English with English subtitles. So one could say it was useful as a tool for improving my English ;)

For all the fans of The Bridgerton, I am sure you will enjoy listening to this beautiful story:

I also loved  the last season of The Crown:

The Queen's Gambit is excellent! I wish I were as smart!

This wasn't on Netflix. I watched the movie The father. Both Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Colman are excellent.

I loved The Martian:

I could draw so many parallels between The Martian and living a life after the infertility. He landed and got stuck in the place and had to develop tactics how to survive. And needless to say, I like Matt Damon a lot!

A pandemic activity Nº10

 

I am very grateful that there is a system of excellent libraries all around our country, so it is very easy to have an unlimited access to books. 

I've enjoyed having time to read so much!

Nothing beats the feeling... when you discover that your library has a new book of one of your favourite authors. I am reading a novel written by Bernhard Schlink right now. 

I loved also this novel:

“If someone asks you how you are, you are meant to say FINE. You are not meant to say that you cried yourself to sleep last night because you hadn't spoken to another person for two consecutive days. FINE is what you say.”

“In principle and reality, libraries are life-enhancing palaces of wonder.”

“Sometimes you simply needed someone kind to sit with you while you dealt with things.”

“These days, loneliness is the new cancer—a shameful, embarrassing thing, brought upon yourself in some obscure way. A fearful, incurable thing, so horrifying that you dare not mention it; other people don’t want to hear the word spoken aloud for fear that they might too be afflicted, or that it might tempt fate into visiting a similar horror upon them.”
― Gail Honeyman, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine 

   

A pandemic activity Nº9

 

I've just finished 50-hour online course of advanced Italian. Have I ever mentioned that I love learning languages ;)

I enjoyed watching the Eurovision contest yesterday. I was happy that Italy won: 

I am already looking forward to Eurovision 2022 in Italy. It will be great! 

(besides Italian song I also loved the French Eurovision song)

A pandemic activity Nº8

 

 

I have been using the pandemic free time to literally go anywhere I can with my bike instead of taking the car. We had a long and cold winter so many times it wasn't possible. But still, so far I've cycled 373 km this year.

My goal for the 2021: to cycle at least 2021 km :) 

 

 

 

PS: the photo above is from last autumn: Alpe Adria Cycling Trail

A pandemic activity Nº7

I don't need Russian for work. But my husband has one wish for one day in a distant future - to take the train from Moscow to Vladivostok. So if not before, the Russian will be useful then. 

I have just joined an online class Russian for beginners and I like it a lot. Last week we were learning a Russian alphabet with the help of this video:

We had one week time to learn the alphabet and I did. I am so proud - I can finally read Russian! Not that I understand anything (for now) :)

A pandemic activity Nº6

 

It is so cool to learn new things! I have just joined 2-month-course of Excel and I love it. So far I have known just the basic and here we are learning many features that I haven't mastered before. 

The new knowledge will be very useful for my job. 

A pandemic activity Nº5

I've been growing my own vegetables for the last 12 years. I am enjoying it more and more every year. I think I am getting good at it! 

Especially with the pandemic I realized even more, how important it is to do for your own health as much as you possible can. And eating 100 % bio-organic vegetables definitely is a good choice. 

I have a beautiful wooden raised garden bed (I love it so much!!) in front of our house and also a large piece of garden few kilometers away. 

So far I've planted: potatoes, zucchini, lettuce, peas, leak, carrot, different flowers, beetroot, pumpkins. And I already have plenty of herbs on the raised garden bed that survived the winter.