Wednesday, December 9, 2020

My Christmas wish


I have the same Christmas wish as the last five years.
I would love to get an email from you.
To learn who you are. 
Where you come from.
Why you read my blog.
What my blog means to you.  
Did it help in any way?

I promise I will not publish your emails, nor misuse them in any way.
And I promise I will write back :)

My email: klara.soncek (at)

I am looking forward to Christmas :)
I loved receiving emails first four Decembers from literally all around the world!  But I didn't get even one e-mail last December.

PS: I took this photo in the city center of our capital - Ljubljana - few years ago.

Unbroken happiness is a bore

 It is snowing, it is late morning and I am still in my pyamas in our warm home, reading a good novel. I found a beautiful quote there:

“Unbroken happiness is a bore: it should have ups and downs.”

It made me smile. My infertility was my down. The years accepting our childless life were very hard. But the wounds are healed and I feel at peace with our cozy, quiet and peaceful life.

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Ich will mein Leben leben


Sometimes I hear a sentence that I just love.

I was attending Zoom German language course yesterday and we were learning about modal verbs. Someone said a sentence: "Ich will mein Leben leben". = "I want to live my life." Exactly, I couldn't agree more! 

I recently lost my job due to pandemic (hopefully it is only temporary) so I have plenty of time. I don't like the circumstances that brought to it, but I love having the time anyway.

I have time for learning languages, for reading, for going on long walks...

If I see something beautiful on my walks, I have time to stop and admire. Like these two trees that are growing together - like two lovers, hugging and protecting each other. I think they are just wonderful. (I showed them to my husband and told him they are just like us. He smiled.)

The covid19 situation in my country is pretty terrible - mainly because many people are ignoring safety recommendations. 

To protect elderly people in nursing homes the visits there are not allowed. I heard many times the comment from the nursing homes, how elderly people are heartbroken. Since the only thing they look forward in life are visits of their children and grandchildren. Now that the pandemic has taken this away from them, they have no reason to live.

I feel sorry for them, of course. It is sad that they are sad.

But this made me realize that living involuntary childless made me stronger - I had to learn how to find happiness within me.

Monday, November 16, 2020

A movie: Pupille / In safe hands


I have been learning French on the really good online course for the last seven months,  it is very good. As an addition to the language course I try to see at least one French movie per week. 

I watched the movie Pupille / In safe hands  ...  I loved it. I have never seen a story about an adoption portrayed so beautifully. 

I loved one sentence from the movie so much. The social worker said: "I don't find kids for hurting parents. I find the best possible parents for kids in difficulties.". 

This movie made me realize... how hurt I was when we stopped with all the infertility treatments. And how many years had to pass before I found peace in my heart again.  And when I found that peace, I am way too old to adopt (not that this is in my/our plans now). 

I recommend the movie.

Monday, November 9, 2020

Pilates - advice needed

Does any of you regularly practice pilates with the help of an online course? I know that many of them are available but since I know literally nothing about pilates, I would like to ask for your help. Do you recommend any? Links are welcome (either as comment or directly to my inbox: klara.soncek (at)

I plan to use long pandemic months to get fit also with the help of pilates :)

Saturday, November 7, 2020

It is what it is

There is one question that has quite often crossed my mind for the last few years. Am I OK with being childless? There are many days that I am and there are also days that I am not. 

 Today - when watching an inspiring short video on BBC by Frank Gardner, BBC's correspondent -  I realized that thinking about it doesn't make sense really.

 Frank Gardner was asked if he was OK being disabled (he was shot by al-Qaeda in Saudi Arabia). His reply was just perfect: "It is pointless not being OK with it because there's nothing I can do about it. So frankly it makes bugger all difference whether I'm OK with it or not because it is what it is." 

Exactly. It is what it is. And we have to make the most out of life that we have. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Please, wear a mask, always when outside your homes


Pandemic times made me realize what are the things that count the most.   Health and loved ones.

And also travelling & being with kind souls are also just priceless <3 

A photo above: was taken exactly 6 years ago, in Yosemite. Lovely memories! I wish we will be able to travel someday again...

Covid19 numbers of newly infected people are horribly high in my country as also everywhere else in Europe (and in most of the world). 

A person very close to me got covid19, since we were together on a long walk just few days before she got ill and since I had a cold, I was tested. Luckily I am negative.

My decision: I will wear a  mask, whenever I will be outside my home (this is obligatory in my country and in many other European countries). I will visit only my parents, but also there I will wear a mask. 

Please, do the same... only together we can stop the pandemic.  

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Servus, Mädchen! / 269 km cycled in 3 days


I love cycling with my husband - but he never has time since he works so hard. And I love cycling with my best girl-friend, but she doesn't have time for cycling with me since she has young children. 

10 days ago I was watching weather forecast and I realized that the last three sunny & warm days in a row are predicted for this year so I decided in a moment - that this is time to pack my bike bag and hit the road. Alone. 

I chose this path:  

The part that takes you from Slovenian mountains to Italian seaside. Total distance cycled: 269 km (after Italian sea I needed few additional km to reach the train that took me back home). 

I loved the cycling trip! I loved being so focused in the moment that nothing else really mattered.  

Once a group of Austrian cyclists (all men, a bit older then me) overpassed me and they kindly greeted: "Servus, Mädchen!"   (Hello, girl!). They made my day :)

When I got back to work I boasted to my coworkers. And my boss asked me: "But is it normal to go cycling such a long distance alone?". He instantly realized that the question wasn't politically correct so he corrected himself: "Is it usual to go cycling alone?"

I smiled inside - I am very used to not being normal and not being usual. In the best wild sense of the word. It felt good :) 

PS: in case you wondered. Yes, of course I went swimming into the Adriatic sea. It felt wonderful - the sea took away all the sweat. And prior to that the sweat took away the last piece of sadness over my infertility.... Life is what you make out of it.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Tadej & Primož: congratulations!!!

Have you been following Tour de France? We are happy: the victory goes to Slovenian cyclist. And the second place to Slovenian cyclist as well :)

(I just wish that Primož Roglič had won, but as it is sport, the best one wins). 

I celebrated tour de France victory by cycling myself. More: in the next post :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

My grandchildren?

I took my nieces and nephews the other day to the swimming pool. The youngest is 7 and the oldest will be 13 years next month. A guy (few years older then me) that I know from work (but he is not a coworker) met me when I was with the kids. Few days later we met again. 

He asked - out of blue - we never really chat (I am not a chatty person): "So, did your grandchildren like the swimming pool?"

So  - there it was - the very first question that I got regarding MY grandchildren. Aged 47. 

I just replied: "No one has ever offended me the way you just did." And I walked away.  

(obviously I know that some women my age have grandchildren - but they are babies, not teenagers!!)

Thursday, September 10, 2020

The best holiday destinations for 2021

Before the pandemic I got on average one bloggie friend visit per year. With the help of this blog I met many amazing women who came to my country for the very first time. I love seeing my country through their eyes.

I love this new list of CN Traveller of the best holiday destinations for 2021. My country is number one on this list <3

I hope that pandemic will be soon over so I can start looking forward to new visitors. The visitors who have already been here (but according to my opinion: not long enough) are welcome as well :)

Saturday, September 5, 2020

Whose life have you touched today?

I love the story that I got from a dear pen-friend of mine <3 ... so I am sharing it with you.

The Black Telephone
Those of us old enough to remember when the phone was wired to the wall, usually in the kitchen, can relate to this story. I loved this read.
When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box.. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.
Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway.
The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.
A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information."
"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience..
"Isn't your mother home?" came the question
"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.
"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked
"No, "I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."
"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.
I said I could.
"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.
After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.
She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.
Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"
She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, " Wayne , always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better.
Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."
"Information," said in the now familiar voice.
"How do I spell fix?" I asked
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest . When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston . I missed my friend very much.
"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle . I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."
Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."
I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"
"I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."
I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.
"Please do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."
Three months later I was back in Seattle .
A different voice answered, "Information."
I asked for Sally.
"Are you a friend?" she said.
"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," She said. "Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."
Before I could hang up, she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?" "
"Yes." I answered.
Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean."
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.
Never underestimate the impression you may make on others. Whose life have you touched today?

Thursday, September 3, 2020

La vita sin hijos / Life without children

I've just come across this blog in Spanish:

I wish I was fluent in Spanish. But luckily there are many translators that help me understand. My favourite one is:

I haven't read this article yet, I will do it tonight. But what captured me were beautiful pictures of brave and beautiful women - who just like me - have been dealing with infertility. I like the titel: Infertilitad: la otra cara de la maternidad / Infertility: the other side of motherhood.

Gloria, the author of the blog La vida sin hijos is in that article. I love her question:

"¿Y quién se preocupa
de las infértiles?"

"And who cares
of the infertile?"

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

A different life

I love this new blog.  I still remember how happy I was when I started getting very first readers and comments, I feel it is important to share this link with you:

dear TingTing: welcome in our awesome blogging community! As Mali beautifully wrote in her comment: "We are very very sorry you had to join us - but glad that you found us. Take good care of yourself."

Monday, August 31, 2020

The vultures are already flying above us

Life has been busy lately. Not many things reminded me of my childlessness, so I felt I didn't have much to write about. But I do miss my blog (and having time for reading others), so now that autumn rain has come I will have more time. 

Covid19 has made travelling almost impossible so this is opportunity to visit (and take photos) some of the most beautiful tourist sights of my country. I took this photo of a beautiful alpine lake in the middle of lockdown in May and I thought you would love to see it.  

The longtime readers of my blog know that there are many children that I love. But the ones you love can hurt you the most. 

A girl - almost a teenager now - was on a short holidays in our place with other kids. We had a lovely time together, full of activities (highlight: swimming in a big outdoor swimming pool in a neighbouring town). In the evening the girl asked me: "When you are very old and in a nursing home - since you won't be able to look after yourselves - the employees in a nursing home would ask you - You don't have any relatives, so who will inherit your house?"

The girl used the sentence - you don't have any relatives ( she didn't use - you don't have any children). 

And yes, this girl is my relative. 

I don't remember when I yelled as much as I yelled at the girl. I explained that this is OUR house and that NOBODY will inherit it. When the times comes, we will sell it and use the money to pay for the care needed for our old years. 

(a note: of course we both hope that we will be able to live in our beautiful new home for another fifty healthy years and that we don't have to sell it. But who knows what the future will bring.). 

My husband asked me later that evening why was I yelling and I told him the story. He just shrugged and said: "The vultures are already flying above us."  I have always loved his sense of humour.


It is not the girl's fault for asking. She has seen some cases around where an old childless person gives all property to a nephew / niece / neighbour  in exchange for taking care. I could write many things, but I won't. One terrible sentence  - that I heard more times that I wanted it - is something like - They had to work very hard to earn this house. Meaning: the childless aunt / uncle lived much longer as expected.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom

How Contagion Works

Have you read any book of Paolo Giordano? I love his books, I've read all the novels he has written so far. 

I had hard day at work yesterday - mainly because the numbers of new coronavirus cases are increasing so steeply. 180.000 new cases in one day only. It is scary to think what the future will bring. How many lives and jobs will be lost.

So it was the perfect way to spend my evening by reading Paolo Giordano's latest book that he wrote during lockdown: How contagion works. 

I like the book -  you get the insight of an Italian's thoughts and feelings during the lockdown.

I love how he ends his book. He says he thinks a lot about Psalm 90 lately, especially these lines:

Teach us to number our days, 
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

I googled the psalm 90 and read it for the very first time. It is beautiful.


NY Times article:

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Bread by Klara

Since I got some emails / comments / compliments regarding my bread I decided to share my recipee with you. If you wish to see a video (in my language) from a lady who bakes her bread, just send me an email to: klara.soncek (at)  ... and I will happily send you the link.

·         500 g flour (usually I put 400 g white wheat flour and 100 g spelt flour, but you can put any flour you wish)
·         13 g fresh yeast
·         1/3 teaspoon sugar
·         2 teaspoons salt
·         about 0,33 l of lukewarm water
·         1 or 2 tablespoons olive oil

Grid the yeast into a cup, add a 1/3 of teaspoon of sugar and a little lukewarm water. Stir and allow the yeast to rise in a warm place.

Sift flour by dumping it into a strainer over the mixing bowl (this gets air bubbles into the flour). Make a little space in the middle of flour and put there risen yeast. Mix with electric mixer for 1 minute. Then add the water, salt, olive oil. The exact amount of water depends on the flour itself.

Using an electric mixer, knead the dough until you get an elastic dough that just deviates from the bowl.

Then knead it by hand into the desired shape and leave it to rise in the rising bowl until it almost doubles in volume (aprox 40-50 minutes).

When it has risen enough, shake it on a floured surface and knead it with your  hands again.

I love to decorate the bread with the help of flour, thread and Swiss knife***.

Leave the bread for another 20 minutes to rise on a tray covered with baking paper (cover the bread with cotton cloth). Place the model in a warm place so that the dough rises again. I leave the bread in the kitchen and I make sure that no window is open.

I  always use my steam fan oven: 180°C for 50 minutes. 
(other advice is: bake it for 15 minutes at 220°C and then another 20 minutes at 200°  in ordinary oven where you add a pot with water – this creates steam that makes bread crunchy and delicious).

Using the baking paper, take the baked bread out of the oven and place it on the wooden desk to cool, covered with cotton cloth.

Dober tek! Bon appetit!

***Swiss knife was a gift from my bloggie friend from Switzerland. So baking bread in a way always reminds me how beautifully I am connected with many kind souls around the world who – just like me – are trying to find their own version of happiness in a life after infertility.

Friday, June 12, 2020

After the lockdown

My hands are almost healed. I got my job back (for now only part-time). The epidemic in my country is over (at least for now; I am very certain that there will be a second wave  as soon as all the borders re-open). 

There were small things that gave me pleasure during the lockdown times.

The new Rolling Stones' song Living in a ghost town. I love it! 

Four novels by Elena Ferrante - My brilliant friend.
It is brilliant! 
I also watched the HBO series, I loved them.

Babylon Berlin on Netflix.

I tried to go to shops as little as possible. So I have learnt to bake my own bread, it is delicious! I am so proud!

Working on my vegetables garden. I cooked the very first meal with the first vegetables this year: peas.

Having time just to observe. Like this bumblebee on the lavender that we planted this year in front of our home. It is so pretty!

Having enough time to go for a long walk literally every day. 

Learning how to use Zoom. I love Zoom dates!! 

Childlessness is just part of my life. It is there, but it doesn't bother me any more. As the years are passing by it became as an old wound. You know it is there, but it doesn't hurt any more. 

I avoided women who were during the lockdown, when the schools were closed talking constantly how terribly difficult it is to home school children. I was fed up listening to the complaining. I would give everything to be able to homeschool my children. 

At least once a month I got an offer from some surrogacy clinic - they wish that I publish their ad on my blog. I just delete those emails.  What I think is that surrogacy is morally wrong.   
I have just watched news on BBC:
I am happy that a couple got a baby after 10 years of infertility. I am very sure that Manu will have a happy childhood, I wish all three all the best.
But there are also other stories - Bridget's story. A girl who wasn't born perfectly healthy so her American parents decided not to take her home. It is just sad that Bridget has to live in orphanage. I hope she finds a family who will love her and take care of her.    

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Nobody gets everything

A bloggie friend (Elaine, thank you!) sent me this wonderful interview:

I love how Marian Keyes talks about her childlessness. I agree - wanting too much is not healthy. I never had any councelling, but I think I had an IVF addiction. If I hadn't had an addiction, I wouldn't have had 10 IVFs.

And I agree with Marian - nobody gets everything.


Most of the time I am at peace with my childlessness. 

I have only three wishes now.
To fully recover after the accident that left me with severely injured hands.
Coronavirus crisis to end.
And to get my job back. I am currently without work because of coronavirus lockdown.

Sunday, March 8, 2020

Sunday greetings

There are so many topics I want to write about that it is difficult to know where to begin.

Perhaps with the most important news. I had a regular check-up after the cancer operation. Everything seems fine so my next control is next year.

I had my last period 14 months ago so I guess I am now officially menopausal. I am only 46 so I don't feel comfortable with that. Not that I miss having periods - I still (and always will) remember how heartbroken I was many times when getting it. But being without it for good opens a new chapter in my life and I am still getting used to it.

This week I spent one working day with an older coworker with whom I usually don't work closely. He spent whole day telling stories about his three grown up children and his ways of helping them. He went on and on that the children are his main meaning of life.  Later on in the day we briefly discussed something about cooking and leftovers and I said that since I cook only for two, I master the quantities necessary so we (almost) never have any leftovers. Only then he realized that he doesn't even know if I have any children or not so he asked whether I don't have children. And I said no. I could see that he felt sorrow and pity for me when he apologized.

It didn't hurt, I got used to awkward moments like that during the last 17 years of infertility. It was actually the moment that I realized how easy it is for people with kids know what is their meaning of life. And I still actively think about it and create my own meaning of life.

I would like to conclude this post with some photos of beautiful Venice. I spent a whole day there just few days before the coronavirus outbreak. I wish Italy (and also the rest of the world) a fast recovery from the caotic situation.

Sunday, March 1, 2020

Madrid photos

Many readers commented over the years how much they like my travelling photos. So I am attaching few. I took them few weeks ago, on my business trip. I hope you like them.
I wish I could stay in Madrid longer, I loved it.

How fortunate I was that the trip was scheduled only few weeks before the Europe (almost) stopped due to coronavirus. There isn't any confirmed case in my country, but there were cases in all the countries around us, so it is only matter of days when the virus hits also us.