Friday, August 31, 2012

The art of conversation

Today was a beautiful day. It already started with a nice surprise - Mali included me in her blog: 

I had to work really hard today at work, but I did not mind since I felt so good.  It was a comforting thought - I am not alone.  I have soul-mates all around the world that understand me.

I am really happy that I wasn't born before Internet was discovered :)

Thursday, August 30, 2012


I have 7 aunts & uncles all together and I don't feel connected to them at all.  I wasn't connected even as a child. So -- no bad feelings.

One of my aunts visited my parents couple of days ago. She is Dad's younger sister who lives couple of hours drive away so I haven't seen her for few years.

We spent some hours together: aunt, her husband, her two sons in early 20's, my parents, my brother & his wife & their two daughters and me & my DH.

It was frustrating to see how uninterested my aunt was in me. I tried to have a conversation, but was not successful. She didn't ask me even one question - like where I work now, if I like my work, whatever. But she had millions of questions for my brother & sister-in-law. Of course all related to child-bringing.

I know there are women that are actually able to talk only about babies & children. It is just sad to see that my aunt is also one of them.

I have a special programme in cases of people like my aunt. I just don't see them. Ever again. So that they can not hurt me again.

The programme works perfectly fine. It is just that I have every year less people. Which is fine by me.

Infertility has learned me to appreciate the people that I DO have in my life.

Monday, August 20, 2012

School books

1st September - beginning of new school year - is approaching. What I have been hearing lately (it is the same every year) - is lots of moaning, how expensive books & exercise books are.

And all I want to do is scream - shut the f*** up! I would LOVE to pay for all he books & everything for MY kid. If I was only lucky enough to have him/her.

(only short PS: education - from primary school to university - is completely free of charge. So - really nothing to moan about!).

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A Shine Of Rainbows

I watched this Canadian movie yesterday.  It is lovely. Beautiful. Has anybody seen it perhaps?

I cried so much watching this movie. So touching!

I loved the little Tomas so much! If I knew that our adopted son would be so kind as that little boy, I would love do adopt. 

(But we are not considering it really, since we are not willing to put our lives on hold for ever. Enough of hoping & waiting for us!)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Always look on the bright side of life

It was a holiday in this part of Europe (Assumption) so I went for a long trekking with DH & the Wolf. Photo above was taken by me today. Isn't it lovely? If you look closely, you can see on the left, in the valley, the beautiful lake that I am always talking about.

We made approximately 10 miles long trekking and we had a great time. It is so good to be outside, on the fresh air. With small kids long trekkings wouldn't be possible. So - another advantage of being childfree.

Always look on the bright side of life :)


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Finding my tribe

While going through all infertility treatments I found online, in my country, a great support group. We met often also in person and I was really very happy to have somebody to talk to.

While the years went by I remained almost the only one without a child. I felt again so lonely... Even the girls who went for years through infertility couldn't really get me. Because they obviously understood how it feels to want to have a child and not be able to have it soon. While I really understood how it feels to want to have a child and NEVER ever have it.

I remember June 2008  - I was just going through one of my dark days and I was surfing on NY Times (searching anything related to infertility) when I clicked on this link:

And the first short interview that I listened to was Pamela. I liked her immediately. I found her blog and through her blog I actually found my tribe.

How lovely it is not to be alone! Pamela - thank you for writing your blog & book. I am really grateful. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Beautiful summer

We are having beautiful sunny & hot summer in my country. And I literally do not have any time for any thinking about infertility :)

There are 2 alpine lakes near where I live (above is the photo of one of them). They are beautiful, especially the one on the photo, that is less touristy. So from Friday to Monday I went swimming every single day! Both lakes have now 24 C and they are crystal clear.

I couldn't help of thinking of last year's August. I was already on different drugs, preparing my body for a treatment with egg donation. And my body did not take drugs well - it was so swollen for many weeks. So I missed the whole swimming season. 

I really really enjoy my drug-free summer & swimming so much!  


In the first year of my infertility I was so sorrow & bitter that I could not even be kind to any kids in the neighbourhood. Now it is easier every year (I really do love children, at least most of them).  I am kind to them. I know how to talk with small kids.

Yesterday when I took my trash out, I saw in the distance a neighbour. And her 3 year old daughter said very loudly: "Look mommy, there is my friend!". Isn't it sweet? It was the first time ever that a child so young called me a friend :)

And this neighbour isn't really a close friend, it is just a girl that I have known for ages so we always chat a bit when we meet.