In my day, as a young girl, child, I had no idea of where babies came from, I'd played with dolls but I knew I'd have them. I went on assuming I'd have kids. They'd materialise. So to stop and prepare for the world crashing down when we found out we, my ex partner and I, couldn't have them. I wish someone had said something like the following to me after we'd done weeping in the hospital car park after learning our childless fate and being left 'to it'.
Some time later, I'd say -I know how much you love children, babies. Well then, you must hear this, continue to love them but don't be needing them. Many folk don't nowadays - need them.
So you see, although babies are necessary to keep the world turning, not all of us need to or be able to have them. And it will not matter one bit. It will not matter because we childless will be indispensable. We're very useful when we have no kids. YOU will be in quite a priviledged position. You will grow with the freedom of being able to be just you and not just someone's mother. YOU.
There'll be pressure. No children? Why not? Not having kids? Why not? And you will answer - we couldn't have children. You won't fudge it. We couldnt have children. No discussions, no shall we shan't we. None of that. Your decision'll be made for you and that decision may well be made for a reason. Not simply it wasn't meant to be, but it was meant to be. Take your message to the world - it's not compulsory to have babies, children. It's not compulsory to think that's the only way to fulfillment. Sometimes it's not possible. And see it as a responsible thing A caring thing.
You may decide to be a warrior for the childless and childfree. The message of responsibility to yourself, the unborn child, the planet. Your wellbeing. Taking the message of childlessness out to the uninformed. That'll be you. You're childless so listen up world. You'll love being a voice won't you? See how you can fill, nay, use that 'gap'? See how so many of your childless 'sisters' and indeed 'brother's' are working hard to unite that voice? The childless are coming eh? YOU..
Learn everything there is to learn. Without children. Learn to be independent. Love being independent. Without children. You will be free to be you. Not defined by being mother, not defined by having three kids, but YOU. Having no children will make you very special in your own way. Some inspiring people will tell you that. In turn You must tell lots of people.
You will matter and you'll matter because you don't and couldn't have children. But you will be special. You will hear that message. Your childlessness does not define you. Special -
Believe it. Because it will be true.
written by Patricia Faulks, author of the blog: https://www.justmeandlilley.co.uk/
During Christmas holidays I listened to Gateway Elderwomen: https://gateway-women.com/childless-elderwomen/
I loved listening to it, there is so much wisdom there! I came across Patricia's letter to her younger self and I loved it so much that I asked her if I was allowed to share it here.