I have been thinking a lot lately - who are people that deserve my kindness and my time?
I thought of the very first blog post that I wrote 11 years ago:
I remember suffocating feeling when I was with my girlfriends. I had the feeling that their lives are picture perfect, they are all blessed with two children.
I just couldn't attend our usual Friday evening coffee dates any more. My sadness (and looking back - I know that now, I didn't know then - my depression) didn't fit into the lives of happy young mothers. I understand that.
But I don't understand how easily 3 girl-friends abandoned me when I sent them an email explaining that I can't attend our Friday dates any more since it was too heartbreaking for me.
(Ony one of the friends stayed and supported me through the darkest times, I will be forever grateful. I would literally do anything for her).
Back then I was so sure that all others have picture perfect lives but me. I was very wrong.
One of the friends who left got terrible autoimmune incurable disease. She hasn't been able to walk for the last two years any more.
I recently came back to this group of friends, but mainly to meet couple of times a year with the ill friend who really needs us.
I forgave her (and the others). But I didn't forget (and I never will) - how easily I was abandoned when I was in need.
I haven't come to any conclusion yet.
But this is always in my mind - who deserves my kindness and my time?
I may be childless and I may have some bit of extra available time. But this doesn't mean I don't have the right to choose how I spend my precious time.