No new job & travelling

I was sad today... I did not get a new job :(

But looking on this from the bright side: I do have an old job. It is much easier to look for a new job if you have already one... much less stressfull. 

Unemployment rate is our country has been very high for the last few years (as in majority of the world), there are really almost no new job openings. So I guess it is not really likely to find anything soon (especially because I am looking for a job that is not less paid as my current job).

So I can easily take few weeks off work and go somewhere travelling in May with my husband. I will have an interesting week:  checking out different flights to different countries. I love travelling so much!

Survey

 

I just returned from the supermarket and a kind girl stopped me to make survey for super market store / chain.  I haven't been asked to participate in a survey for ages and since I did the same job as a student, I agreed to participate.

Everything went smoothly until demographic data.

Q: How old are you?    
A: 39

Q: Marital status?         
A: Married.

Q: Number of the family members?   
A: 2

Q: So you haven't got any kids yet?
A: No

Isn't it funny - I am 100 % sure that the question should be: Numer of the children in the family. But the student asked it in her own way.

All I know is that I am done with surveys for another decade. Because there is always demographic section with the question I do not want to hear.

My sister is not talking to me

Well, she is actually not my sister. She is my cousin, but always felt like sister. She is a mother of a beautiful two-year-old girl who adores me. And I adore her.

Last week we met at my parents house and her daughter was obviously sick (she had all the simptoms of a flu). In the last few years I caught a virus on several occasions from different kids - and that's why I do not want to be in the same room as sick kids. One of the benefits that childfree people have! 

Anyway. I explained that I really can not afford to get sick again (I already took some sick days in January) and that I prefer to meet when her daughter is well again.

And my cousin got really mad at me - accusing me of being selfish.  And left. And now she isn't talking to me.

To be frank, I do not really mind. It is her choice. She will come back, eventually.  I hope she will not come back before early summer. She will have her second baby then. And it is great not to see her too often during her pregnancy. I love the babies when they are born. But I am still not good at dealing with pregnancies.

Infertility does leave demage. I guess I will never be a good friend to a pregnant woman. It will always bring too many sad memories back.

Forrest

Forrest is a great place to hide. Me & my dog have our favourite walk through beautiful forrest, the walk is aprox. 10 kilometers long. We normally do not meet even one person during the week. 

This week all newspapers, TV... have only two topics:
- all schoolchildren have a week off, which means that also majority of people with small kids take one week off ... so families are everywhere.
- today was the  the carneval, all children were dressed in costumes - similar to Halloween in USA, when children are ringing on the doors and asking for sweets and money (when I was kid, we asked for sweets, modern children now ask for money).

As you can imagine, I did not want to spend my afternoon admiring all other people's children, so I escaped to the forrest with my dog. It was a great plan, we had a lovely walk, as always. Fresh air & activities do wonders.

My blog bio

here is my new blog bio:

I am an almost 40-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention.

I love it :)

Pamela - thank you for your help!
BTW: how I wish I could be with you in the plane this moment.... I love love love Australia! Enjoy!!!

Serenity Prayer

I was not even seventeen when I left home for the first time, for three months. I got my first job abroad, as an Au-Pair in Dublin. It was great experience. I remember taking my first flight ever and sitting next to an old lady. She said to me: "How lovely. We are flying over the clouds." My English was so bad that I understod the sentence only when she repeated it ten times. After three months  I got so good in English that I even started to dream in English!

I bought a little card with Serenity prayer in Dublin. And I still have it, more then 20 years later.

During my 10 IVF treatments I alway stuck only with the line: God, give me the Courage to change things. I was so sure that I could change my infertility.

Now I am already in the next level: having Wisdom to know the difference. And having Serenity to accept my infertility (since I know now I can not change it).

High temperature... again

It was lovely day outside: sun & blue sky & lots of snow. Unfortunatelly I spent it inside, I woke up with high temperature.

I did not go to see the doctor since I know what's wrong. My body is fighting the remaining of the infertility drugs that I received in August / September. I will get my period in few days and then I will be OK (at least for some weeks). How I wish that all those drugs leave my body!

And how happy am I to come to the decision to stop ALL infertility treatments. I have only one life. I can not play with my own life any more...