Monday, March 1, 2021

A silly story

I wanted to learn more about NLP techniques so I attended a webinar. The coach told us many stories that I liked. I loved how he compared a life with cooking & a fridge. He said that when you cook, you shouldn't focus on the ingredients that are missing. You have to focus on the ingredients that you have and cook the best possible meal out of it. 

I borrowed one of coach's books and I liked it at first. But then I got to the following story.

There was a couple who was trying to have a child for 20 years. They went to a clinic and said to themselves that this was their last try. The doctor didn't believe that they would succeed and this helped them give away all the pressure and they trusted the miracle to the safe hands of God, universe, nature. And they succeeded. They got beautiful healthy baby boy.  

Come on!? 

We were trying for a child for a decade. We had 10 failed IVFs. I still remember the horrible pressure, when we decided for the last try. 

The NLP coach's story can be written only by someone who has vivid imagination and absolutely no experiences with the infertility.

Needless to say, I put the book down. I am done with NLP techniques for now :)


  1. Dear Klara,
    You are right: this was probably written by someone who has absolutely no clue about infertility.
    Of course you put the book down. I would have done the same.
    Much love <3

  2. Oh, what a ridiculous story. I agree - they had no experience with infertility. Was the NLP coach the one who led the webinar? If so, I think you should send them your feedback, and say how insulting it is.

    Yes, these days I put books like that down too! The authors lose all credibility when they write something so ignorant. And I don't feel so angry at the coach as I used to - just superior and better informed! As you are too.


    1. Yes, it was the same NLP coach who led the webinar and wrote the book. I won't write to him since my story is mine only and the only people I feel comfortable sharing it is this beautiful community. The dominant NLP coach wouldn't get my message anyway.

  3. Ohhh then my sister was right all along... I just needed to relax, to take off the pressure, and then I would've gotten pregnant. Why didn't anyone tell me??? (Just kidding, plenty of people did tell me that and they were all wrong.)

    Ok, eye rolls and sarcasm aside, I would have put the book down too. It lost all credibility with that one flimsy story.

    I know you have already moved on to better uses of your time! :)

  4. The ignorance about infertility and the casual way people tell stories about 'miracle children' are EPIC and never-ending. Well, as I mentioned in a different blog comment: Today a well-meaning older neighbor sent around an unsolicited announcement about another neighbor becoming a young grandmother. I actually responded rather matter of factly with a message titled - At the Other End of the Spectrum. I included a link to a newly posted podcast (now also live on my website) wherein I describe what it feels like to live a life of IVF Survivorhood -- the subtext being this here woman you emailed (ME) not only didn't get the opportunity for motherhood, grandmotherhood ain't in MY cards either. We educate one person at a time!
    Now I need to see what ingredients I have to make a dinner xx

  5. Ignorant coach. So sorry!

  6. Ewwww. Big fat dislike. That is the "just hold on, it WILL HAPPEN!" miracle story that is so toxic when you are exhausted and have given so much to no avail. And to make it a religious miracle is cruel, because it only underscores the horrible feeling of "was I not worthy?" Ugh ugh ugh. Yes, put that book side. I feel like I might have thrown it. Also... What is NLP?

    1. dear Jess,
      thank you for big fat dislike!
      Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a pseudoscientific approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy. But I am done with that (at least for now).

    2. Oh, thank you for clarifying! In my head I kept thinking "EMP," electromagnetic pulse, which is not even remotely the same thing. :) That story would have turned me off of whatever approach was touting it for sure. ;)

  7. "Miracle baby" stories still get me angry, even after all these years...!