A colleague of mine had a goodbye party in the office yesterday. So, there we were, approx. 20 coworkers, gathered in tiny office, drinking champagne, eating snacks and chatting. I was in charge of music, so there was my favourite music. I put on Rolling Stones' Miss you, I felt good.
And then, out of the blue, one of the colleagues came to me, and whispered in my ears: "And when will you announce us the happy news?"
Yes, I admit, I gained few kilos since my beloved Wolf died. And I did wear a new tunika. But I swear - I do not look pregnant.
I don't know how I came with such an answer (it just came out). I said, gentle, but very calm assertive: "If you do not want me to start crying so much that I will cry my soul out, please never ever ask me this question again." And I left the room, for few minutes, just that she had time to think.
When I came back, the coworker came to me and apologized. And then she said that she was sorry and that now was not a good time to talk. I said that now totally wasn't the right time to talk. And we both returned to the party.
Nobody even noticed anything strange. Luckily the Rolling Stones did their job, as always.
I felt proud of myself afterwards. If I didn't stop her with something really dramatic, soon there would be some other coworker joining the stupid questions.
***
I went for a long walk with a friend afterwards (she is two years older then me, single & childless). She is always so full of positive energy, it is lovely to be with her.
Klara, it is certainly not your fault. Noone should ever ask such questions - it is just simply rude, and disrespectful of the other person's situation, whatever that situation is.
ReplyDeleteSuch a difficult thing to hear for you. But you've managed wonderfully.
Hugs
Wow! What an answer! I do not know if I would have been able to answer like you did! I mean calmly, without crying... No... I know how I've managed when a colleague came to me with this question while I was between two IVF... Not as good as you did! I was really angry and she knew it! :s
ReplyDeleteThis question was definitely inappropriate! Everybody should know that it is not a question to ask... There's a lot of informations we don't know about others that can explain extra kilos (and childless!).
UGHHHHH that was such a blow under the belt! I APPLAUD you for being able to respond in such a calm and assertive way, Klara! Amazing! I'm glad that you could spend time with that friend afterwards. :-)
ReplyDeletedear Kaymet & Marie-Eve & Amel, thank you! It is lovely to read your comment before going to bed. Good night & sweet dreams.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you too. What a great response. And the best part is that you made her think - hopefully she will never say that to anyone again.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've seen you - even with a few extra kilos, you'll still be slim and gorgeous. I can only dream of that!
Good for you! I'm sorry you had to experience that, but at least you handled it well. Many years back someone asked me something like that, and I told her "I am not pregnant, I am just fat." She was young, I am betting it taught her never to ask someone that again.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't people just keep their mouths shut??? I'm so proud of you though! You handled it awesomely (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI never, ever assume or ask anyone about their pregnancy unless they have (a) announced it themselves or (b) they look like their water could break at any second. :p Katrynka's right; I'm willing to bet she'll never ask anyone that question again.
ReplyDeleteSome people just don't think before they speak...it is one of my biggest pet peeves in this society. You handle it extremely well even though it should have never been asked/said.
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