Today I got an email from an ex school friend with whom I spent 4 years together in secondary school. She sent invitation to 25 school friends, she is organizing 20th anniversary since finishing the school.
I have lovely memories of my class. I spent 4 happy years with my shool friends. I was a good pupil, with lots of friends.
So - normal reaction would be: So great! I will be able to see al my school friends! We will be able to talk about all the naughty things we did together. And we will be able to share what happened in the 5 years since our last meeting.
But, I am not normal. I guess I will never be. I just deleted the email. Can't bear to go to that meeting. There will be 23 people showing the pictures of their little ones. And there would be another friend, who just never found the love of her life, so she is single and childless . And then there would be me. No way.
My DH has a witty expresion for situations like that: he would say: I would rather have my knees shot :)
If somebody will contact me again, I will just lie . I got so good at lying in the last few years! Just to avoid all kind of possible events that would break my heart. Again. I have only one hearth. So I have to look after it!
Klara, I was in the middle of accepting my infertility/no kidding life when my school had a big reunion. I didn't go. You're so right - you have to look after your heart.
ReplyDeleteI like the expression no kidding life!
DeleteI went to my 10-year high school reunion -- but I was just 28 & (while two of my classmates had FOUR children EACH by then!!) many of my classmates had not children yet either, or were just starting their families. I didn't know I was infertile then, so it was not a difficult thing for me to do, from that perspective, and although I was not hugely popular, I did have a pretty good time. I haven't been to another reunion since then, althought there have been at least one or two. For that, and other reasons.
ReplyDeleteMy mother & her classmates have had reunions every five years since they graduated -- most recently for 50 years. They put together a booklet where everyone wrote about what they had been doing over the past 50 years. I felt so bad for my mother when I read through it & realized she was one of the very, very few who did not mention their grandchildren (GREAT-grandchildren in some cases).
I can understand how sorry you felt for your mother. I guess I am lucky - my brother has two daughters (and they are planning two children more)
DeleteYou made the right decision...look after your heart and your hearth. Ox
ReplyDeletep.s. "A" says we can make our own reunion plans...no knees will be harmed
ups, English spelling is so difficult!
DeleteLooking forward to our own reunion!
I understand completely what you mean. That's one reason why I feel reluctant to go back to Indo sometimes - dealing with all the questions from well-meaning people. Sometimes I'm just glad I live far away from them - maybe this feeling would go away after my menopause (after all, they'd stop asking us questions about kids after that). :-D
ReplyDeleteI've skipped reunions too. I don't want to be a hermit but I figure, why torture myself with the "how is your life working out" small talk with people I'm not going to see again for another 5 years? Over the last year or so, I've let go of the obligation to "keep in touch" for the sake of it...I've given myself permission to save my emotional energy (and avoid emotional drains ) so that I can invest it into the relationships that really matter. It's such a relief, I'm not going back:)
ReplyDelete