Some people have no Emotional intelligence at all.
If I am with a colleague my age that is single, I never ever talk about my husband and how happy I am with him. Because it does not seem nice thing to do. Because you never know (if you do not know the person well) - if this was a choice or not to remain single.
If I talk with a person who has multiple sclerosis, I do not boast about long walks that I do with my dog.
If I talk to a person for whom I know that earns only little, I do not boast about buying flight tickets to other continents. Or about buying really good (and expensive) bike.
***
So - why do people constantly talk about their kids / pregnancies / deliveries / difficulties with raising kids etc. to me??? It is not stuff I want to hear or know about.
I just had a hard weekend (as you see). I had to work whole weekend, I was away from home from three days. I was with a group of 15 women, mostly my age, that I have known (through work) for the last few years.
And since we don't know each other that well, the only common thing that all women have (well, all except me) - are children. So - this was the topic that went on and on...
My coworker is the only one who knows my story (well, not all details, but generally). She is nice girl, my age. And I love her. And hate her at the same time. For the complete lack of EI. She was the one who constantly brought our conversations to the topics I hate the most: conception / birth control / deliveries / pregnancy anouncements...
Just an example.
Morning. Hotel breakfast room. She eating breakfast. Me coming to the room.
Me: Good morning. Did you sleep well?
Her: Yes, until 2 am when I got an sms from my distant relative, who just got a baby boy. Oh... I am so happy for him. ..... (followed with all details about this family)
Do I fucking want to hear this for the start of a new day? No! Do I want to hear this story at all? No! And she knows that my husband will never ever be able to send that kind of SMS to anybody.
Anyway, I am happy that weekend is over I can get back to my old, cosy life. I am looking forward to a long walk with The Wolf today after work.
Infuriating. I found that occasionally saying something like "I really don't need to know that" or, laughing, "you're telling the wrong person" or simply getting up from a table and turning my back to the person, did seem to gently get the message across. This woman knows your story - yet is the worst at doing this. Could you sit down with her and ask why she does it? Because she probably doesn't even realise she does.
ReplyDeleteIfuriating is a beatiful word. I like it.
DeleteYes, I was thinking about asking her to stop. I just did not have the energy to do it.
I understand why she is doing it - she feels guilty of leaving two small kids for few days and she feels that by talking about all child-realted topic she is closer to them.
Since we are together only occasionaly, on different projects... this means I will not see her untill September.
(followed by sigh of relief)
I think some people have diarrhea of the mouth;) Ok I’ll clean it up and be nice today!
ReplyDeletediarrhea :)
DeleteThank you for your comment. I guess the next time that somebody will hurt me with words, I will imagine their mouth full of shit :)