Adopting? No, thank you.

At the beginning of our infertility path I was sure that if IVF treatments didn't work out, we would adopt. My DH was actually always against the idea of adopting, but I didn't really argue with him since we were SO sure that IVF treatments will work out eventually. But even after all failed IVF-s I never tried to persuade him. Adopting a child is too huge thing to try to persuade somebody into it.

Some years ago we bought pure-bread 7-week-old puppy and brought him home.  (I know that you think - what possible connection can a dog have with adopting a child - but I promise - it has!) We were very happy to have him (The Wolf) for the first two months, but then our nightmare began. He started to grow up and show his extremly dominant character. And my DH & me are not dominant at all. But I was the weaker of the two of us, so The Wolf decided to attack me. And he was attacking me for whole year - it was terrible. We couldn't sleep for many nights. And all we wished was to be alone. For good. Without him. And we kept talking - isn't it great that this is only the dog that we regret of having... how horrible feeling would it be that we adopted a child and then regreted our decision.

I read studies that told that many adoptions go wrong because character of the child is completely different as the character of parents. And adopting a baby you know absolutely nothing about child's character. And I believe that 80 % of everything is predominated by genes.

There are only 5 kids available every year for adoption in my country (and aproximately 300 certified couples waiting for a child). And we have a law saying that 1 year after adoption a birth mother can change her mind and take the baby back. It would break my heart... I am just not willing to take this risk.

Many couples from my country go to Russia to adopt a child. Total cost is aproximately 30.000 EUR (huge amount for us, since everage nett wage in our country is 980 EUR per month). But to tell you the truth, I do not trust Russian system. If even in Spain they kept stealing babies untill 30 years ago - how can I be sure that there wasn't some unjustice done to  parents that had their children taken away?

We have been in the train of wishing & hoping & having our heart broken for million times for the last 9 years. We are just done with wishing & hoping.  We just want to live. Now. Life. Our life.

I know myself. I just know that adopting a child wouldn't erase my desire to have our biological child.
I love so many things about my husband. I would love to have his child. A child with his bright smile. His great mind. His kind heart.  No adoption can give me what I really want. His biological child. Our child.

*****
With the help of Cesar Millan (Dog Whisperer) we learned how to deal with The Wolf. So our life togehter now is a happy now, we love him so much!  But - it is not necessary that also our story of adoption would have such a happy end. And we are just now willing to take any chances...

Having a beautiful family of two with a dog is also a great thing :)