Goodbye until the rain comes

I am fully enjoying warm summer days. We are having 30 C. I even took one day off work and I went swimming to the Adriatic sea. It was just perfect. 

Otherwise I am very busy raising stubborn puppy (akka land shark), working in my vegetable garden. I lack time for reading and writing and  for my beloved cycling.  

And - most of all - I lack the time for any infertility thoughts. Which isn't bad thing at all.

I will be back in one month, when the rain comes.

Have a lovely month.

xo,

Klara

La dolce vita dopo infertilita'

I could copy the same text that I wrote few weeks ago:

I just returned from a short business trip to Italy.
I took a photo of my delicious dinner. It was nice, dinning alone, after talking all day.
This was again one of those business trips that also my other coworkers could cover. But they are not motivated to go since they prefer to stay at home with kids.

Silver linings of infertility :) 



On the photo: warm chocolate muffin with delicious vanilla sauce. 

How lovely. Now also you have children.

I was a baby sitter on Sunday morning for almost two hours. I took for a walk my cousin's  3-year-old son. It was lovely. I took him to a beautiful bridge that he had never seen before.  

When walking across town center, I met my schoolfriend from Italian classes. We visited the same classes for few years, almost a decade ago. I hadn't met her for some years. 

When we met (she was with her husband and three kids) she said: "How lovely. Now also you have children." 
(btw: it is just silly to assume that if a woman is walking with ONE child, that there are some additional children somewhere else).

I wasn't surprised. I wasn't hurt. I just said: "No, I don't have children. Sometimes I just borrow one or two." 

She looked puzzled. So I just explained who the beautiful little boy was and nothing else.

It is really none of her business, finding  about my blocked tubes / lousy ovaries / broken uterus / broken-but-now-healed heart. 


*** 

I guess I really came to the point in my life where I cherish the things that I do have in my life. 
Regreting the things that I don't really doesn't make sense.

Wolfie & my aunt

I am having some tough time with Wolfie. I knew in advance there would be days when I would regret taking him home (it was the same when my beloved Wolf was a puppy). I know it will get better and that he will become a great dog. But now it is just hard dealing with land shark.

(just a note: when you watch Dog Whisperer everything seems so easy. But I am not a dominant type, neither is my DH, so nothing is easy).

But then, there are some moments when Wolfie just melts my heart. See the photo. We visited my mum's childless 83-year-old aunt and Wolfie was just perfect with her. He stayed close to her and enjoyed being cuddled. And the aunt had some wonderful moments. Just priceless.

(this made me think - who will visit me - when I am old and helpless? I hope there will be some kind young soul that will bring me a puppy to cuddle).

If you're not a mother, you know nothing?

I read Loribeth's review of Pamela latest book yesterday:
http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/2015/05/e-book-finally-heard-silent-sorority.html

And this part of Loribeth's review just stuck in my mind since it so very true:
"the weirdness of being a childless woman in a culture where, "if you're not a mother, you don’t rate... For the benefit of all in our society, we need to rethink how we value and characterize the contributions of those who are not parents." "

It made me remember how many times I have been excluded from conversations  just because my opinion does not count since I am not a mother. Obviously nobody  would tell me this directly, but I just feel it. 

So it is really lovely that there are two women who are mothers and really appreciate my knowledge how to motivate and teach their kids.

I got a lovely SMS few days ago from Daisy's mother, saying "I am so grateful for finding you as my daughter's additional English teacher. She is enjoying learning something, for the first time in her life. When do you have time for her again?"

And then there is another woman who is a mother. I got her desperate phone call a month ago, saying that her 15-year-old son has a negative mark in English and has to get a positive mark in order to finish primary school. She added that she had to tell me that in advance that her son obeyed no authority, was very stubborn and rebellious. I answered that I did have experience also in that kind of kids since teaching in 10 years 45 kids.

And the boy was exactly what the mother told me. I used my calm assertive energy and at the end he did everything that I wanted him to do. We had only a week to practice and he did well - he passed the test with positive mark. After every hour of teaching I spent some time with his mother (more or less my age). And it was lovely to see that she was seeking my advice. She really admired me, how well (determined but gentle) I handled her rebellious teen.  She was always in another room, listening what we were doing. I actually like when parents are around. So I can give them assignments too (her assignments was to train her son to memorize all irregular verbs since I lacked time for doing it).  Boy's family is hiring me for whole summer (one hour per week) to improve boy's English before he enters secondary school.

And my coworkers / colleagues / friends think I know nothing about the kids? 

La vita è bella

I just returned from a short business trip to Italy.
I took a photo of my delicious dinner. It was nice, dinning alone, after talking all day.
This was again one of those business trips that also my other coworkers could cover. But they are not motivated to go since they prefer to stay at home with kids.

Silver linings of infertility :)

Entering menopause?

I have always known that I will get to the menopause early, since my mom entered it when 42. But still, when it happens, it just sucks. I have been mildly depressed for the last ten days.

My period was never late. Not even one single time in 29 years, until last month, when was 7 days late. And this month it is already 14 days late. Perhaps gone, for good.

I started to read some articles to learn something new about the theme, but I just can't. Whenever I start reading, the entrance sentences include something like this "the fertile years are now over". This makes me to want to scream - which fertile years??? And I just stop reading.

I feel vulnerable. And old. Aging just sucks. 
(and then I think of my beloved friend Maria, who died when 37. She would give anything to get old. And so would her mom and husband. I miss her.)