Friday, May 15, 2015

If you're not a mother, you know nothing?

I read Loribeth's review of Pamela latest book yesterday:

And this part of Loribeth's review just stuck in my mind since it so very true:
"the weirdness of being a childless woman in a culture where, "if you're not a mother, you don’t rate... For the benefit of all in our society, we need to rethink how we value and characterize the contributions of those who are not parents." "

It made me remember how many times I have been excluded from conversations  just because my opinion does not count since I am not a mother. Obviously nobody  would tell me this directly, but I just feel it. 

So it is really lovely that there are two women who are mothers and really appreciate my knowledge how to motivate and teach their kids.

I got a lovely SMS few days ago from Daisy's mother, saying "I am so grateful for finding you as my daughter's additional English teacher. She is enjoying learning something, for the first time in her life. When do you have time for her again?"

And then there is another woman who is a mother. I got her desperate phone call a month ago, saying that her 15-year-old son has a negative mark in English and has to get a positive mark in order to finish primary school. She added that she had to tell me that in advance that her son obeyed no authority, was very stubborn and rebellious. I answered that I did have experience also in that kind of kids since teaching in 10 years 45 kids.

And the boy was exactly what the mother told me. I used my calm assertive energy and at the end he did everything that I wanted him to do. We had only a week to practice and he did well - he passed the test with positive mark. After every hour of teaching I spent some time with his mother (more or less my age). And it was lovely to see that she was seeking my advice. She really admired me, how well (determined but gentle) I handled her rebellious teen.  She was always in another room, listening what we were doing. I actually like when parents are around. So I can give them assignments too (her assignments was to train her son to memorize all irregular verbs since I lacked time for doing it).  Boy's family is hiring me for whole summer (one hour per week) to improve boy's English before he enters secondary school.

And my coworkers / colleagues / friends think I know nothing about the kids? 


  1. This is awesome! I'm so glad that you are being recognized! I think this is another silver lining of infertility. Because you get to have a major impact on the lives of kids but you don't have to take part in all of the difficult parts of raising a child! :)

  2. You are brilliant! Each of those children is very lucky to have a mother who doesn't think she knows everything, and has looked for help for their kids. And looked in the right place, obviously!

    I always think that when people say we know nothing about kids, they are actually saying much more about themselves and their own thoughts, than they are about us.

  3. I also have been thinking a lot on why the world seems to claim that non-mothers know nothing when it comes to children, whereas first it is clearly unrelated (several ground-breaking pediatric research has been made by childfree women like Virginia Apgar or Mary Ainsworth) and second we don't judge non-fathers with the same standards.

    Here is my theory: the majority of people are lousy at raising children (just look at our world: wars, corruption and misery is a symptom), only a few have a gift. Then the big majority of non-mothers are women who think that they know that they will have children later for sure one day, so maybe society's dismissal is aimed at those, because they form a majority. Then, the minority of women who are just good at children or teens get dismissed in the same way when they don't have children.

  4. First, thanks for the mention of my review. :) Second, I'm so glad these moms & their kids appreciate what you are doing for them. You clearly do know something about children & how they learn!