Saturday, June 1, 2013

Feeling blue

It has been 30 years since the first baby conceived by IVF was born in my country. In the past two weeks articles about magic IVF were literally everywhere. Most of them included data that 5 million of babies were born with the help of IVF. There were interviews with many leading doctors from this field.

And guess  what - nowhere was it mentioned that IVF can not help everybody. That is not a magical solution for every infertile couple.


In the middle of black week I got an email from a colleague that used to be in my IVF-support group. She sent an email to lots of us. There was a photo of a baby (1year old toddler) that she just brought from Russia.  Then there were lots of other - congratulations emails from ex-IVF-support group that just made me feel a real outsider. I belonged to that group. I don't any more. (just a note: is she not afraid that she might not bond with this child?). 


Yesterday my 5-year-old niece phoned me. Her voice sounds on my mobile so cute, so gentle... it reminds me on the sound of a little kitty. She invited me for a show that she is a part of, in a local theatre (dancing & singing).  I thanked her and then I lied. I said I had to go to work. How I wish I had my own children, then I would love to attend all that stuff. Now I just can't, it would be too hard (not watching my niece, but small talk of all the other parents from our little town).  

On majority of days I am pretty OK with being childless. On majority of days I am happy living my childless life. But not today. 

This black day will be continued now and then. Until December, when I am officially 40. Saying goodbye to my 30s is not that easy.  

Has anybody seen this movie: 
I can't wait to see it!
I just borrowed a novel (I haven't read it yet), I will start to read it in the evening.

Reminder. After I go on a long walk in the forrest, I will feel much better!


  1. Klara, sending hugs. Yes, black days come, but fortunately they go too. Give yourself a few years and you'll find you can attend events for your niece more easily.

  2. Sorry to hear about the black clouds. HUGS to you!!! Hope the long walk helped! :-)

  3. So sorry it has been so rough lately:(

    As for your friend who adopted, she should be fine.i have many family and friends who have adopted, and they love their children. My sister came to our family when she was 8 years old. We love her as if she was born to us. To me, family is who you love, not biology. My husband feels differently, which is why we never adopted.

  4. dear girls,
    thank you for your comments. They help, as always.
    I went on a long walk in the late afternoon with my best friend. Being with her lifted my spirit.

  5. As Mali said, the black days will come less frequently and the difficulty of being around gushing parents will diminish as you get into you 40s. You're at a particularly tough time right now. Glad your BFF was there for you today. ox

    1. thanks Pamela for your kind words.
      Yes, I am counting on that that within few years everything will be much easier for me.

  6. *HUGS HUGS* It indeed looks dark, but here is a flashlight, with love from us all energizing the flashlight.