Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Losing my last friend from ex-IVF-support group

Going through IVF cycles I had a wonderful group of friend.  We met twice a month, there were 4-6 of us. I have nice memories. Those girls helped me through the darkest days of infertility.

I will try to make story short.

In few years all of them (except me) got a baby (two of them adopted from Russia). And bit by bit I started to losing them. But until today I thought I had one of the friends left. 

I don't.

Let's call her Lili (that was her nick on-line where we met).   Lili has golden heart. She was always my favourite from the group.  But after having a baby she was always either busy or exhausted or both. So we hardly ever met, only once a year, sometimes twice. We phoned each other often and so I just always thought that long phone calls will be our substitute until Lili's daughter gets out of diapers / starts to go to kindergarten / ...

Lili told me that this week she is home alone (her DH took their daughter and his mother for a holiday) so she invited me for afternoon date after work. I was really looking forward to it!  And when I came (at 4.30 pm) she said that she has only one hour for me and then she is meeting two colleagues (she apologized, she described the reason, but it did not persuade me).

I was so pissed off. And hurt. 

So. It is official. I lost my last friend from ex-IVF-support group. Each person gets only one opportunity to treat me badly.

Perhaps it is OK this way.  Perhaps I needed this. To help me forget many years that were spent focusing on IVF.


When going back home I just thought how lucky am I to have my best friend, Mattie. She always finds time for me, despite two small kids. At least once a week (and not only once a year).

And how happy can I be to have my beloved Wolf. He ALWAYS has time for me :)


  1. Oh dear...I don't understand why people invite others and then say things like that. If I were the person who invites someone and THEN find outs that I can't spare too much of my time due to some reason, I'd definitely notify my guest to let him/her know about it beforehand (or as soon as I know about it) so that if my guest wants to choose another date/time where we can talk longer, we can move our meeting to a later date.

    But anyway, glad that you have Mattie and Wolf. :-)

  2. Been there myself...never understood how people could be like that. I had a friend during our TTC for many years, she never wanted children and never could fully understand my desire to have. After our second miscarriage, she was so totally focused on her own life...getting married and renovating a home with her new husband...I got lost in the "shuffle" and O realized how much it hurt me and how I need to protect myself from the hurt by cutting our friendship...she just didn't get it...her life was more important than our friendship obviously. I have never regretted my decision and thankful for each time I spend with friends that truly care. Glad you have a friend in your life that is so important. Pets are wonderful for their love is unconditional. Sad that others don't get it and never will...big hugs!

  3. dear Amel & dear J,
    thank you for your kind words. It was nice to read it, I just came back home.

    I met my friend from my first job (she was actually my boss for few years, she is 20 years older then I am). We met for a coffee and, she sat for three hours and talked, it was lovely.

    It is good to have people in my life who do take time for me.

    And I like talking to older, wiser people. She won a battle against cancer few years ago so she really knows what does matter in life.

  4. Klara, I'm sorry you experienced this. A friend - we once called ourselves best friends - has gradually slipped out of my life, as she had children and socialised more with the parents of her children's friends, than with her old friends. I wasn't the only friend who was "dropped" but it still hurt. And she has never acknowledged it. The last year or two she tried to rekindle the friendship, when she was going through a tough time. But last year we went to dinner, and it was clear she expected it to only last an hour or so, and to end before 9 pm so she could go spend the night with her boyfriend (as her kids were with their dad). Not that she admitted it - if she had been honest I wouldn't have been so offended. That was in September last year. I've seen her once since.

    1. dear Mali,
      we live on almost opposite parts of the world but there are so many things that we have in common.
      a hug for you!

  5. *Nods* Been there. Had a friend who said she wasn't interested in children- yet now her having a baby, I had been "shelved." Yes, it hurt, especially with her now hanging out with folks she had said she'd be never hanging out "parents, yuck!" but now chatting with them. Recently, she asked if we'd get together for breakfast. I happily showed up and she didn't- she texted me saying that she "had something important to do." She didn't explain, and didn't contact me again. Okay. So I got the message.

    And you know what? That's okay. I have friends who are true, and at least honest (even when they know they don't have time, they'd tell me)- nevertheless we'd set up plans ahead (even a year!) and we both keep the promise. So knowing you have Mattie, that helps. :) Having Wolf, even better!