Thursday, January 19, 2017

All I want is...

I have been listening to this song a lot lately:

How I hope to listen to this song with my husband also when we are in our 80s.

My husband has had some changes on the skin, it is possible that he has skin cancer. He will get the results back within one month.   

I know that even if he has skin cancer, it is highly treatable. But I still worry....

It is just silly, to think about the silly things I worry sometimes. Being childless? Not a problem at all. All I want is to  have my husband in my life for many decades to come. 


  1. I used to follow a Youtuber that tried for 10 years,along with her husband,to get pregnant.Their final IVF,3 days before the results,her husband passed away in a car crash.

    She ended up being pregnant,finally,but I think the horror and grief of losing her husband led to her miscarrying.

    After reading her story,I always say that I would rather have my just my husband,than have a child and lose my husband.

    I only want to be a parent if I can do it with him.

  2. Klara I do that all the time. Not silly at all. Or maybe we are silly. I don't know. I am a ridiculous worrier where my hub is concerned. He has had very funny breath for a few days so I have had to find a way of telling him without offending him, because I started thinking it might be some sort of stomach cancer or similar. I hope your man doesn't have skin cancer. Fingers crossed. I know what it's like to think about being left alone, I think about it a lot. For me, being childless is fine: I absolutely don't hanker for children in our life. Never think about what they would have been like etc, or what we could be doing with them - it doesn't enter my head these days. I've realised that I have no problem with it at all, as long as I have my hub in my life. I hate putting all my eggs in one basket, but then I see people do that to an even greater extent with their children - living for and through them - so maybe we are all not so different at the end of the day.

  3. I don't think your worry is silly. It is different from mine as a single adoptive parent. Quite the opposite, in fact. I've been alone for nearly 5 years now and while I would like to find a partner, not having one wasn't as crushing of a loss to me than not having children. I suppose that's what drove me to adopt on my own. I sincerely hope your husband does not have skin cancer and is there listening to your song with you for many, many more years.

  4. I feel that way too. I feel very vulnerable at the thought of life without my husband, and I recognised that that feeling appeared almost immediately after we knew we would never have children.

    Fingers crossed that it turns out to be nothing, or is easily dealt with. Here in NZ, with the hole in the ozone layer, we have very high rates.

  5. I think it's very common to worry about losing our husbands after surviving infertility. I know it's a big fear of mine. I used to feel weird about it, but I've read lots of different things that let me know I'm not alone in my worrying. Of course, worrying doesn't help so I'm trying to let it go. But, it's okay; it's normal.

    Thinking of you and hoping for the best for you and your husband! <3

  6. Dear Klara, I think it is only natural (and human) to worry in that situation... You and your husband are in my thoughts. Like Empty Arms I do hope you will be able to listen to that beautiful song together for many more years to come! Sending Inter-European hugs <3

  7. Please let us know how your husband is doing! I know I worry about mine all the time. Anytime I think about life without him, I realize just how very alone I am. I honestly don't know what I'd do. :(

  8. dear girls, thank you for the kind wishes.
    My husband decided that he is healthy for another month. If the bad results eventually do come, he has enough time to worry later on. I like his attitude since currently there isn't anything that he can do except to change bandage every second day and hope for good results.

    1. I admire your husband's attitude!
      With my very best wishes XX