So, how many children do you have? Two?

I got a phone call today from one of the members of the board of the company where I work. I was surprised - big bosses never contact me directly (they actually never talk to me).  It turned out that he needed a little help - I went to his office just to make a phone call, using a foreign language that nobody in the top management speaks.  Purpose of the phone call was to buy a present for his wife (5 year anniversary of the wedding, already two lovely kids - I saw their photo on the screen of his computer). 

We started to talk a bit about life outside the offices and we discovered that we both like the same type of houses. We discussed advantages of prefabricated houses and then suddenly came the question.

He asked: "So, how many children do you have? Two?"
Me: "No. We don't have any kids. We need a house just for the two of us."
He (meaningfully): "I see... you decided to wait a bit."

(total shock: it really is a course if you are aged 40 and look like 35.... he thought that our plan was to build a house first and THEN have children).

Me: "No, we are too old for that."

He was confused first. Then he looked into my eyes and instantly realized that this is a subject I do not wish to discuss further. So he just changed subject to a safe subject. And I was grateful for that. 

I really admire this man's IQ and EQ. Not many people have both of them.

Klara is coming!!!

My brother told me an extra cute story today.

He told his daughter (aged 5) few days ago that somebody would visit her later on in the afternoon and that she had to guess who was coming.

My niece said she needed some extra help.

My brother described the person: "It is a girl that you like a lot."

My niece than said (without thinking): "Klara is coming!!!"

***
She guessed wrong, some other relative came that day. 

When my brother told me this story, my heart melted. It is lovely to have a niece.

Bike

It was a great sunny day yesterday. I went cycling for the first time this year and it was lovely. I made the first 24 kilometers.  

It was lovely to be on fresh air, doing something good for my body. 

Who is next?

A coworker of mine had a good-bye party since she is leaving for one year (she is having a baby at the end of May). 

I was happy for her. I really was. She never said or did anything that would hurt me.

But what I hated is the small talk at parties. The question that different people asked (as part of a joke / part of something that is usually asked at good-bye parties like that):

So, who is next???

How I hate this question. I am not the next. I will never be the next.

I excused myself from a party as soon as I could. I went to my desk to pretend to work (I couldn't really work since the office was overcrowded) and listened to Rolling Stones. 

Forbidden question

I attended a workshop today. There I met a colleague (works on same area of work as I do, just for another company. My age. 3 children under 7). We have known each other for 15 years, she is my age. I used to meet her on different work related events more often in the first 10 years, now I haven't seen her for the last few years. We sat together during the workshop and were talking lots of different work related topic when she suddenly asks: "And - how are your children?"

How I hate this question. It has been a while since I last heard it, but it makes me angry anyway.

I replied: "Why are you asking me this question?". And I was staring her directly in her eyes. If she made me feel awkward, I was entitled to do the same.

She asked (very very confused): "But - you do have children, don't you?".

Me: "No. I hate being asked this question."

Then she apologized.

*****
I know she will always think that I am weird. But I don't care. Really. 

Why couldn't she ask: "Do you have children?". It is so easy to reply no and that solves a problem.

Please please God - can you make sure that nobody ever again asks me how my children are.

***
(Because the next time somebody asks me that I will tell that 10 of them lived for couple of days and now they are all dead.)

Old pregnant celebreties and feeling sorry for my broken eggs

I hate when celebrities aged 45+ are announcing their pregnancies (I don't want to attrack attention of Mr. Google, so I won't write down any names).

It just gives wrong impression to the society - that anybody can get pregnant at any time.

If my eggs weren't good enough to get pregnant when I was 30, it for sure won't happen when I am 40.

Living happily ever after (after stepping out of crazy IVF-train)

I spent 6 whole years for 10 IVF attempts, so you can imagine I spent lots of time reading various forums that have only one topic: how to make IVF work out.  As years were passing by, I felt heartbroken & cheated. Why did it seem that IVF works for everybody except me?

For me the important step to recovery was that I stopped reading those IVF-forums. It was not easy to stop. Luckily I found also some great blogs (living happily after infertility) and they really helped. 

I never ever have a wish to check "old" forums any more. I just don't want to know about all the babies born with IVFs. I am happy for all the parents who found their happiness.

I am on a way to find my own happines. It will be different, but not less beautiful.