Friday, September 21, 2012

Adopting? No, thank you (part II)

Few years ago a young woman wrote a book about foster system in our country. She was put in the foster family aged 4 if I remember correctly. She spent more than a decade in foster family and she had many bad experiences.

The book is beautifully written. I was deeply touched when reading a book. There were so many touching moments in the book. For example - her memories about being 8 or 10 years old and begging social workers to put her in adoption. How she wished to be loved.

I told my husband many times, if I met a little girl (even if 10 years old) that was so sweet, I would love to adopt.  

Years passed by and I forgot about that book and the author.

And then - I saw her again two days ago, on national news. She is accused of a criminal act (cheating many parents - she took the money as deposit for daycare that she had no intention to really open). 

My conclusion. Blood is not water (proverb in my country). Adopting just carries too many risks that I am not willing to take. Neither is my DH.

I was disappointed in this author. I watched some interviews and I was really impressed with her - the energy that she had. She was so kind and confident. I guess she is just really good in manipulating.

But can you imagine, how disappointed I would be, if my adopted child turned out to be like that?


  1. Ahhhhh...adoption is really a tricky matter, eh? I can understand your disappointment, esp. 'coz she really made a good impression on you years back. I'm sorry to hear she went the wrong way...

  2. I had always thought positively about adopting. I still do, but that doesn't mean I don't still have questions about the nature/nurture debate. How much of how we turn out is nature, how much is it nurture. I'm not fully sure. It is very possible that the fraud this woman committed is the product of the terrible environment she seems to have grown up in. My nephews girlfriend was adopted. She is a beautiful 24 year old woman today, and she is very warm and sweet. Then I have had good friends who are themselves intelligent, sweet and wonderful, but who have siblings that are thieves and drug addicts, who produced numerous children, without taking care of them and have driven their parents to bankruptcy.

  3. It's always "nature vs nurture"..... I have seen how some folks come out fine, yet their siblings are horrible as IrisD pointed out... adoption can be great for some folks, not so for others... Me, I'd love to adopt- but I keep feeling torn due knowing that if I adopt a deaf kid, where can I make sure that there's therapy intervention/family services that'd meet the kid's full communication need? Ugh! So.... adoption is more complex than we imagine!

  4. Nature versus nurture...such an involved topic that so many in the world don't have to analyze in great detail. Oh, but we have had that topic over dinner far too many times.