Merry Christmas

Wishing Merry Christmas to all my readers who celebrate it. 

Thank you to all who took time to write to me. I got 6 very kind emails from France, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, New Mexico and from north of the USA.  They mean a world to me!

But the first email that I got, wasn't  really nice. The reader from the north of Europe told me that my blog is often very bitter.  Guess what? I know it is bitter (sometimes). I don't need anybody telling me that. 

***

I was working very hard lately. I worked yesterday until the evening and then I cycled to Ljubljana's city centre... which is just magic with Christmas lights. I took some photos for you.

I loved walking around the city centre. Enjoying the moment. 

***

I am now 6 days off work. What a luxury! 

What I wish for Christmas

I have only wish for Christmas this year.
I would love to get an email from you.
To learn who you are. 
Where you come from.
Why you read my blog.
What my blog means to you. 

I promise I will not publish your emails. Nor misuse them in any way.

My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com


I am looking forward to Christmas :)




PS: photo above was taken in Perito Moreno, Patagonia, ten years ago. How I miss travelling! 

Who won?

I noticed that people who have their own kids, don't mention their nephews and nieces a lot. When they do, they usually mentioned them as playing buddies for their own children.

For childless people nephews and nieces are important.  They are the closest to our genes in the next generation.

One thing that was on my mind lately and it was never said before. So I will say it.

If you are a childless woman and you have a sister that has her own children - then you really have nieces and nephews.

But if you have only a brother who has his own children - you really don't have nieces and nephews. Since those children belong much more to  their mother's family then in yours.

How I looked forward to all the fun things I will do with my nieces one day (like teaching them English, reading stories, going to the zoo)!  My younger niece is already 4 and I didn't have her in her entire life not even for five minutes. My older niece is 8 and basically I can have her only once per year, for one afternoon, to visit Santa Claus carnival. All the other times I asked to have them, their mother found some kind of excuse why not. So I stopped asking.

Who won? Not me. And certainly not the girls.

Sad

Today it is one of those dark days that come when at least expected. I feel that I don't really live my life. All I do is ticking of tasks from my long to-do-list at work and from my to-do-list at home.

When did I have the last unplanned day, just for myself? Can't remember.

I guess happy-get-together with business partners did not help. I met a really nice colleague that I haven't seen for ages. We had two IVFs at the same time.  I knew that her first was unsucessful. But I didn't know if her second worked out or not, since she changed work and I never met her again.

I met her again today.  She has twins, aged 7. And soon after the twins were born, she got a surprise baby.

She is a nice girl, I am happy for her.
But at the same time I feel sad for myself.
I know. I am over 40. I should get over it. Most of the time I am doing pretty well. Just not today.

The beautiful scarf

Not many women in my age group (40+) are still lucky enough to have a granny.
I am among the lucky ones.

I have been working very hard lately (each day 10 hours+, including Saturdays). I have literally no time. Since I know the long hours are temporary, I don't really mind. But one  thing has been on my mind lately.

Everything will wait. But what if something unpredictable happens to my granny? I would forever regret for not taking time for her.

I visited her today, it was lovely.

She is now knitting a beautiful colourful new scarf for me. I can't wait to get it! I love scarfs. And I know this will be my favourite.   The things that I love I never throw away... so this scarf will  be mine always.

Christmas Lights

The Christmas lighst in our capital are beautiful. They are already lit and I can't wait to see them.
(the attached photos are from the last year).

Finding bits of happiness

Lately I have been quite happy at work. Especially since my work brings me to places that I wouldn't visit otherwise. I spent majority of this week at beautiful Lago di Garda / Lake Garda. Attached  photos: the Lake / Sirmione Castle (at the Lake) and from a small village closeby.

Have you read this post from March?

http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2015/03/i-can-see-that-you-dont-have-children.html

The old kind man from March's post invited me for a long walk, but I declined then since I didn't have time because of fixed meetings. I promised that whenever work brings me to Lake Garda, I will phone him. So I did. 

He took me for a short visiting tour of the lake, for a walk and for dinner. 

It felt good, talking. 

At one point, during the dinner, he said: "We are the same, you and me. Neither of us has kids." And then he started to talk about his regrets because he is childless. 

Later on, I still kept thinking about his comment. And what I really think is that we aren't the same at all. 

I spent a whole decade regretting not having children. But now I am done with regrets. I did my best to get a child, but it wasn't written in my destiny. It was not meant to be. What should I regret? 

While he... this is another story. When he was young, his girlfriend got pregnant. And he told her that he wasn't interested in having a child. So she just disappeared from his life. She moved to another country. He always assumed that she had an abortion and moved. But he isn't sure.  He never tried to find her (until now).

But if the girlfriend didn't have an abortion, his child would be more or less exactly my age. Perhaps I remind him of a daughter he never had.      

I really like him. But  I am afraid he is slowly loosing his battle with the cancer.

I am sad for him. But in the meantime I was reminded (again) how fragile life is. And how I have to grab bits of happiness wherever I can find them.