I have a friend whose teenage daughter died of cancer few years ago. When talking to her for the first time after the death of her child, she told me: "The most terrible thing that can happen, has already happened. And now I am just not afraid of anything any more."
I am not comparing my childlessness to the loss of friend's child.
But only recently I thought about our conversation again and I realized, how devastating the childlessness was for me. In how many different ways it affected my life. I could say just the same.
The most terrible thing that can happen, has already happened. And now I am just not afraid of anything any more.
I know exactly what you're saying. I've thought about this too. You're a survivor, and you're fearless. Brava!
ReplyDeleteDear Mali,
Deletethank you for your kind comment.
I loved your latest post "How frequency illusion changes over time ". It made me think - who will be there for me when I am old?
I decided that I don't want to worry about it - since worrying would spoil the last few healthy decades that I (hopefully) have in front of me.
There is a saying in my country: "Problems of today's day are for today to be solved." I decided to stick to it ;)
Sending you a warm hug to the other side of the Earth
Klara
Sometime during the first year after my failed IVF treatments, I went to a student art show and saw a collage that a high schooler had titled, "It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything." And that was how I felt. I'd lost everything. I was free to do anything. Only... I didn't feel like doing anything at the time.
ReplyDeleteI just googled the quote and learned it's from a movie, Fight Club. Lol! But hey, the sentiment still rings true. In the years since my failed treatments, I've made lots of decisions I would not have made had I had children. I have a freedom after loss that other people who aren't living CNBC don't understand. And although I like my life, I wouldn't wish my experiences on anyone.
Wonderful post that made me think. It's interesting when you think about what you've been through, and what you don't need to fear any longer. 💜
ReplyDelete