Friday, April 20, 2018

Licence for giving birth

I went for lunch with my coworkers. We were entering the small elevator, there were six of us,  when one made a joke and said: "The elevator is for seven so if only one of us in pregnant, it is OK. If there are more pregnant, there are too many of us." 

One of them (mother of two) said: "I am not pregnant, I have already returned my licence for giving births." One (very young one) said: "I am not pregnant, I haven't got the licence yet."

They all laughed, they thought it was a brilliant joke. Nobody seemed to notice that I remained silent.  

What should I add?  That when I was in the right time for giving birth the licence was rejected?

In moments like that I realize how I don't fit in and I never will. I truly think that even when I am 80, I will not find jokes like that funny.


  1. Oh dear. No, I dont find jokes like these funny, but I'm not sure they would hurt me anymore, either. Still, they annoy me, because another woman in the lift (elevator) could be hurting and could find such "jokes" very painful.

    I hope it was not too painful for you. Hugs.

  2. I don't think I will ever get used to the fact that most everyone else assumes pregnancy and childbearing is possible for every woman. If it was me in that situation I would have liked to have said my license was denied, but I probably would not have thought of that in the moment.

    I am sorry for this experience Klara, a dumb moment that passed in 5 seconds for the other women but probably stayed with you for the rest of the day. <3

  3. How sad that so many people don't realize how thoughtless such jokes can be. I will also never get used to this, and although life has been very kind with me, I still feel that in many ways I will also never fit in.
    Sending you love and hugs

  4. No, these jokes are not funny indeed. I am sorry you had to listen to this conversation. Sending lots of love and sunbeams your way!

  5. One thing I've started practicing? Not being afraid to make things supposedly awkward by mentioning my own infertility. I say "supposedly" because for some reason we're told we're making others uncomfortable if we are transparent about our own reality as infertiles and, well, fuck that. This is where you have every permission to make a crack about immaculate conceptions or saying unless one of them is an RE that actually gets results or simply a "guess what bitches I can't have kids so maybe think about what you say before you open your yap!"...then smile sweetly as you get off on your floor... :-)