Monday, April 9, 2018

Being a part of life-after-infertility community

I had an awkward visit. It was from a friend from my youth. We were never close friends, but we did spend plenty of lovely days together, going to the mountains, with a group of friends. Together we climbed also our highest mountain (almost 3.000 meters high). 

I invited her to our home. It was nice at the beginning.  We haven't seen each other for 15 years so there was lots of catching up. She told me about her lovely daughters. I told her about my infertility.  It was OK at first, but then the silly questions appeared:
  • Did I consider trying some additional IVFs?  (=no, I haven't. If the IVFs didn't work when I was 32, they for sure won't work now that I am almost 45). 
  • Did I consider adoption?  Her close friend adopted twins from Ghana and they are sooooooo happy together. (=yes, of course we considered it but no, thank you, it is not for us). 
And at the end, when already leaving for a medical appointment, she told me that she is pregnant (she is 3 years younger then me).    I wish her all the best, but I don't think I am interested in another coffee with her and being a part of her pregnancy.

It is not because she is a mother. (My best friend is a mother.) It is because of the silly questions.

Otherwise it was a good week. The construction works with the house are going very well. And the link to my blog was published in some of my favourite bloggie friends' blogs: 
It is a lovely feeling. My thoughts and my feelings  matter. It means a world to be  - being a part of life-after-infertility community. 


  1. Your thoughts and feelings definitely matter! :)

    And I can relate to the disappointment of your visit with your old friend. I hate those types of questions. I feel so judged. Other people say these things like "IVF" and "adoption" so easily, not even knowing what they are talking about. When it happens, it often affects me for days. I wouldn't meet her again either. But if I'm being honest, I wouldn't meet with her because of her silly questions AND because she is pregnant. There's not really any possibility for a friendship there. Just being honest...

    But yes, it was quite a week with everyone's posts! It felt good as I was catching up on my reading last night. <3

  2. Oh, good grief. These questions are so universal, but they are all spoken without actually thinking about what they are saying. Sigh.

    I'm glad it was a good week! (The construction must be so exciting.) And, of course, your thoughts and feelings matter, even if you weren't blogging. But I'm so glad you do. (I'd never have met you, for a start!)

  3. Dear Klara,
    Most people think IVF and adoption are the solution to everything. That's as far as they want to think - if they went further, it could get uncomfortable, couldn't it?
    It's nice to hear that the construction work is going well. And of course you matter, dear Klara! Thanks for being YOU <3!
    Spring greetings from Switzerland

  4. "My thoughts and my feelings matter." Yes, they do! And you are so right, it's not mothers we object to, it's mothers who ask silly questions. ;) Do we get to see some house photos soon?? Even under construction?? ;)

    1. dear Loribeth, I would love to send you some photos of our house. It is so pretty... even now under construction. Can you send me your email to: ?
      (I won't publish them here... to protect my identity )

    2. Just saw this now & sent you an email. :)