Saturday, August 8, 2015
Outsider
My favourite cousin invited me to the seaside, to spend some days with her and her two kids in camping, in a mobile home that she rented for the whole summer.
It was lovely to get some extra days of sea & lots of swimming.
It was nice to see her and the kids (aged 3 and 6). But at the same time it was just bitter-sweet. To see the life I could have and will never have. I felt just an outsider, being in a camping which is very family oriented which means sharing beach with 1000 toddlers. I tried very hard to do some reading on the beach, but I just couldn't .... too much screaming.
I was looking a lot to spending some quality time with my cousin (who felt like my sister for almost all life before infertility). I know my cousin still loves me. But she was way more interested in talking with all new mommy-summer-friends that she needs in order to provide her children socialization.
I understand it, but it doesn't mean I was not hurt.
***
There were some so cute moments that I just want to lock them in my memory and have forever. Like 3-year-old boy, coming in his cute pyjamas every night into my bed, asking if I could read his favourite book. I love this story too. I guess it is the best kids book for little kids that I know.
But, as always, it was bitter sweet. Knowing that I will never be able to rad this book to my kid.
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I wanted to buy a book yesterday for my nephews but I found a tale very special and I keep it to share with my husband.It's our ritual to read for each others as big kids...
ReplyDeleteIt sucks to feel like an outsider! It must have been so hard to be in the middle of all that.
ReplyDeleteI love The Very Hungry Caterpilliar! I love Eric Carle in general. There's an interactive Carle exhibit at our local children's museum that I'd love to see, but with no kids we can't go (or would get really funny looks if two adults with no kids went).
I'm really sorry you felt this way at the seaside. So glad you got the sweet moments with the children, but so sorry that you felt like an outsider. You're right - understanding why these things happen don't necessarily make them less painful.
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