Thursday, July 9, 2015


I love hot summer days. There are so much things to do. I always lack time in the summer. 

I am very well. Most of the time I am feeling happy, positive and just enjoying life. But then there are some events that remind me that I am not healed and I will probably never be.

I went cycling with my best girl-friend few days ago in the evening, when the heat was easier to handle. We both enjoyed our cycling & talking date a lot. I was telling her how lovely it is to have her back. When her kids were little, it was impossible for her to escape on Sunday evening for two whole hours. We talked, we laughed. Then, we passed by her parents' house and her mom was outside. My friend greeted her: "Hi granny."  It made me sad and angry. Why can't she address  her mom as she always did, as mom?  She is, after all, her mom. Her grannies died long ago. 

I didn't say anything. After all, I can't always give her instructions and limitations. And I know, I probably hurt her during the years of struggling with infertility (never on purpose, but I know I did, like declining to visit her when she was pregnant).


Opening the magazine and there was a title on it: "Kids change your black&white world to a colourful one".

I resent to accept any person with children to address my world as a black&white.


I met in the supermarket an ex co-worker who retired more then 10 years ago. I always liked her. I greeted her and asked her how she was. She proudly showed me her shopping chart - it was full of diapers (obviously I hadn't noticed that before). She said happily and proudly: "As you can see, I am very busy."   

It hurt. Not only that I will always miss having children. I will also miss having grandchildren. 

I recently read an article about a famous person, who was describing one of her dearest friends how lovely person she is.  "She is so kind that she asks everybody if they have children, even taxi drivers. And she wants to know the kids' names."

And you are calling that nice - bothering all the childless people if they have children??  I know people with kids love that question. But - we don't.  


Some days of working and then it is time for my favourite place on Earth: island Brač, Dalmatia, Croatia (one of the photos from previous years attached). 


  1. I don't believe I will ever miss having grandchildren and being a grandma. I will want my mind to stay young forever and hungry for new things till the very end. I never wanted to bask in my past memories and live life of my kids, maybe that's why the universe decided I would not have any :)

    Very cool you are leaving for vacation! I always wanted to go to Adriatic Sea. I remember one day, long time ago, I was hitchhiking in Czech Republic, and one driver played a tape he brought from his vacation to Yugoslavia, some songs about love and it was beautiful. One day :)

  2. I'm really sorry you've had these reminders all at once. I dislike the "granny" comment too. My father-in-law referred to himself as granddad to us once, and we didn't know who he was talking about! Sigh. The magazine title makes me want to rip the magazine up! And your story about the woman who asks everyone if they have children makes me want to respond that this woman obviously has a very narrow life not to have any other topic of conversation!

    Enjoy your holiday. You had me looking at Google Earth to find it, and see if it was near the spot we visited four years ago (Sali - which is further north), The Croatian coast and islands is an amazing landscape. We'll be thinking of you basking in the warmth, and swimming in the sea, as the rain comes down and the cold winds blow!

  3. Oh yes, it's complicated, the (grief) waves come and go, though they're not as strong as they were before...enjoy your vacation! We still have more weeks to do before our holiday, but starting to count down already he he...