Saturday, September 14, 2013

My cousin

I spent the whole day with my cousin. I really like her, it is just that I haven't seen her for some years (she lives approx. 7 hours of driving away). 

She is 34, very successful in her job and single.  While eating the best cake in our capital she talked to me how horrible is the pressure of the whole family - asking her literally every week if she already found anybody. How she hates advices that the time is running out and why is she so picky. 

I really hope that she finds the love of her life one day. She is a wonderful girl.

(but if she doesn't - I really think it is better to be single as in a bad relationship. I know that. I did live in a bad relationship almost 15 years ago, for many years. To put it mildly - it was not nice.)  


  1. I remember those days when family and friends would ask me, you haven't found anyone yet, time is ticking. Well, I did find the "one" when I was 34 years old, but I also told myself if I didn't I knew I would be fine as well. If it is meant to be for your cousin it will happen. So sad that society seems to dictate to us timeframes on things like dating, getting married and having children. Not everyone gets to have them all or even one - sometimes it is totally out of our hands. I agree a bad relationship is far worse than staying single.

  2. It seems like everyone assumes that if they are happy, then that is the ONLY way anyone else can be happy. They are happily married and she should be too. They are happy because they have children, so we should be too.

    I wish the world would realize, there are many different ways to be happy. You're right, she could marry just anyone and then face a bad relationship. She shouldn't have to settle because the world tells her too. I hope she finds her perfect someone, but while live a miserable life because you are trying to conform to what the world thinks you should do.

    I get that all the time, how can we be happy, we don't have kids? I get it, kids are a big part of a lot of peoples lives. But that doesn't mean that is the only way to happiness.

    I'm sensing a soap box issue within myself, maybe I will have to blog more.

  3. I feel for your cousin. It's not as if she is deliberately spurning the love of her life! I do find it odd when people put pressure on others for something that is no fault of their own.

  4. I agree with you, I have noticed how family pressured cousins on when they'd find someone to marry and THEN when they'd have children. I got a different approach, to finish my education and pursue a career (now I get to think about it, I had an 'ah ha' moment.) Sometimes I think folks encourage the next generation to marry and children, to have MORE of a connection to them, "See that's how I raised you, now you raise them", if you get my meaning.

    I agree with Savannah, on why should one be happy ONLY by having children? It's not the end of the world if some of us walk a different path.

  5. An ex-High School friend of mine has felt this pressure so often (he writes about it in FB). We're the same age as your cousin. It ain't easy to just disregard all the things people say when deep inside you, you want to meet that loved one. I hope that your cousin finds some peace amidst all the pressure.