Tuesday, May 29, 2012

František & Eliška

I spent most of the years 2009 & 2010 & 2011 thinking about using an egg donation. It was a tough decision, but after 9 failed IVF it felt that this was an option that we should consider.

We have chosen a clinic in Brno, Czech Republic. And we really liked it - they were really professional. My donor was 23 years old (so young!!). I had transfer of two expanded blastocysts. When they were implanting the embryos, there was this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcL---4xQYA   

We were so sure that our 10th IVF (and 1st using donor eggs) will work out. Everything was magical. We spent one wonderful week in Czech Republic and fell in love in a country. There we saw the most beautiful castle (attached photo) - Karlštejn, near Prague.

We had even nick names for our babies - old Czech names - František & Eliška.

Whenever I hear Led Zeppelin's Stairways to Heaven it reminds me of an old dream that never came true.

If František & Eliška had decided to stay with me, they would be born within few days. Can't believe that less than 9 months passed since then. Seems likes ages ago!

I know that if  František & Eliška were born, I would love them more then anything in the world.

But after thinking about everything for additional 9 months, I saw some further negative sides of an egg donation (list became quite long in the last few months). And on the top of it - the drugs that you have to take really have so many side affects. I just do not want to take any infertility drugs, never again.

It makes me sad - thinking about all the embryos that I carried under my heart (only for few hours or days, since I never ever saw the magical plus). There were approximately 10 that were genetically ours (I don't really want to count the exact number, it is just too sad). And then František & Eliška.

Goodbye, my babies!  Sweet dreams!


  1. Klara, I'm sending hugs, as I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. Our lives are so full of contradictions, aren't they? We can love our lives without kids, but at the same time grieve the babies that never came.

  2. Sending you (((hugs))). I didn't realize you were still that close to your last cycle.

  3. dear girls,
    it is so nice to come back home from a long day and find kind words!
    Thank you!

  4. (((HUGS))) I'm sure they would have been loved and they would have been happy with you and your hubby as parents...some "anniversaries" are really tough.

  5. Hi Klara...I am thinking of you and sending prayers. I, too just had our 9 month "anniversary" so I feel your pain and sorrow. I understand your decision to stop with the infertility drugs as well. We did four rounds using a donor and I think the side effects have finally ended.
    I love the names that you had chosen... František & Eliška. Beautiful!

    1. dear Kellie,
      I am sad that also your treatments did not work out. But - I know it sounds selfish - it is really nice to have a blog-friend that has the same "anniversary".
      Also my side effects finally ended only now.