Christmas Lights

The Christmas lighst in our capital are beautiful. They are already lit and I can't wait to see them.
(the attached photos are from the last year).

Finding bits of happiness

Lately I have been quite happy at work. Especially since my work brings me to places that I wouldn't visit otherwise. I spent majority of this week at beautiful Lago di Garda / Lake Garda. Attached  photos: the Lake / Sirmione Castle (at the Lake) and from a small village closeby.

Have you read this post from March?

http://thenext15000days.blogspot.si/2015/03/i-can-see-that-you-dont-have-children.html

The old kind man from March's post invited me for a long walk, but I declined then since I didn't have time because of fixed meetings. I promised that whenever work brings me to Lake Garda, I will phone him. So I did. 

He took me for a short visiting tour of the lake, for a walk and for dinner. 

It felt good, talking. 

At one point, during the dinner, he said: "We are the same, you and me. Neither of us has kids." And then he started to talk about his regrets because he is childless. 

Later on, I still kept thinking about his comment. And what I really think is that we aren't the same at all. 

I spent a whole decade regretting not having children. But now I am done with regrets. I did my best to get a child, but it wasn't written in my destiny. It was not meant to be. What should I regret? 

While he... this is another story. When he was young, his girlfriend got pregnant. And he told her that he wasn't interested in having a child. So she just disappeared from his life. She moved to another country. He always assumed that she had an abortion and moved. But he isn't sure.  He never tried to find her (until now).

But if the girlfriend didn't have an abortion, his child would be more or less exactly my age. Perhaps I remind him of a daughter he never had.      

I really like him. But  I am afraid he is slowly loosing his battle with the cancer.

I am sad for him. But in the meantime I was reminded (again) how fragile life is. And how I have to grab bits of happiness wherever I can find them.

Perfect day at the lake

Enjoying warm Indian summer day with DH and Wolfie at the most beautiful lake.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Bohinj

IVF Addiction

I have been so busy at work lately that I didn't have much time to follow anything online. So I read this brilliant post only today:
http://blog.silentsorority.com/ivf-addiction/


This is my comment to the post: 

I used to gather all the needles from my second round of IVF. It was a long protocol and I gathered all the needles and took a photo. Then, I was so sure that the IVF will work for us. I wanted to have a photo as a memory to show to my child one day.
I deleted the photo, after the negative result. But the photo is still very vivid in my mind.
Addiction. I couldn’t agree more. This is what I was, addict, in the first decade of my infertility.
I knew IVFs can leave me damage. But still, I just could not stop. I was so depressed that I literally did not care if I die. The word seemed so dark that I did not want to live if being childless.
The state fully paid for 6 rounds of IVF (also for ALL the drugs). But still, I wasn’t offered any counseling that I obviously needed much more.
I paid additional 4 IVFs by myself.
So yes, here I am. Living my life again, after 10 failed IVFs.
Breaking point for me was when I went to Czech Republic for the 10th round of IVF and the drugs caused me horrible side affects. I was so swollen – I gained 5 kilos in few days – it was water, I was all swollen, I had problems breathing and walking. That was the moment when I realized that I do love life. And that I want to LIVE.
That was the time I quit ALL fertility drugs for good.
And then I lived with my DH happily ever after :)

15th October

Infertility took a lot from me.

But on the other hand, it gave me so much. So many exciting, wonderful memories that will stay for me forever.

Exactly one year ago we landed at San Francisco airport for our 3-week-travelling around California & Nevada. Happy times.

Dear P&A: we are looking forward to many more travelling together in the next decades!

Good news II

My gyn has just made another ultrasound.
The cyst has gone, completely.
I am really happy.

(Now all I have to do is to put under control the reflux that has been bothering me for the last three months and then I have no further wishes).


PS:  This year I had 40 sunflowers on my garden, they were beautiful. The photo was taken a month ago.

Wolfie at the lake

Wolfie loved our first walk around the most beautiful lake.
So did we.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Bohinj