I visited my granny yesterday. My uncle and his wife happened to come by as well. It felt good, at first — being with family, chatting about summer plans, soaking in the warmth of familiar company.
Then, without warning, my uncle began to speak about their seaside holiday. “It was wonderful,” he said, beaming. “Especially because we brought the granddaughters along. A husband and wife on their own — that’s just not enough. You need grandchildren to truly enjoy the holidays.”
His words were matter-of-fact, cheerful. His wife chimed in, eager to recount all the joyful things they had done with the little ones — the laughter, the games, the simple happiness.
And me?
I did nothing.
I sat in silence, struck by the sheer thoughtlessness of it all. How wrapped up people can be in their own joys, blind to the quiet sorrows seated right beside them. How carelessly words can fall, without the faintest thought of who might be catching them.
I’ve always believed in thinking before speaking. Sadly, many seem to prefer the opposite.
It’s been 24 hours. The remark still lingers — like an echo that won’t fade.
What helps me now is this:
a) Writing it down.
b) Holding onto a happy memory. I want to share one of mine with you — a beautiful Matsumoto castle. More info: https://www.matsumoto-castle.jp/eng
How I loved travelling through Japan. How we both did — my husband and I.
No children. Just us. And it was more than enough.
very thoughtless in the phrasing, yes. Many people are. For me, the "ouch" feeling lasts much longer than the memory of what they have said... But, to be fair to your uncle - if he had been more specific in his words it would not have stung so much. I mean summertime beach holidays really are a lot more fun for kids than adults! - so it kinda makes sense to say that there isn't much point (unless you are really into sea-sports or sand sculpture) to go on a beach holiday unless you are bringing kids along. Now a holiday in Japan... or anything that involves looking, learning, thinking and the chance of going to eat nice, (but different) food (!) - I bet even a besotted grandparent would have to admit that that kind of holiday is better without the kids :) . Different holidays for different lives - equally enjoyable - nothing wrong with that. (personally I am currently taking holiday just to clean the apartment! - very enjoyable! would not be improved by the presence of a smaller person!)
ReplyDeleteOh Klara. I want to hug you.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, most people (especially those with chiildren) are wrapped up in their own lives. Empathy can be a rare gift. I am so sorry.
Writing helps me, too.
Also, there ARE things we would not do if we had kids. Traveling to Japan might be one of them. So I'm glad you are cultivating your own kind of joy and gratefulness.
Much love from Switzerland!
I too want to give you a hug. All but one of my beach holidays have been just us, and we had plenty of fun. I love swimming, snorkelling, relaxing in warm weather, eating meals in the open air, lying by the beach under a tree and hearing the waves lap against the shore, reading, beer o'clock starting at 11 am, cocktails in the evening, beachside massages or manicures/pedicures, etc. In fact, one of our best ever holidays was at an adults only small resort. Reading in hammocks. The absolute peace and quiet. They had dinghies we could borrow, travel out to isolated little beaches around the island and picnic, swim, snorkel, relax, and read. We took a long walk across the island, which most kids I know might have found boring. It was perfect when we were working and had very busy lives. These holidays would have been very different with kids. We would have gone to kid-friendly beaches, with lots of activities etc. Every activity would have been about the kids. Which is fine. But very very different from an adults only holiday at the beach. So I disagree with anonymous' comment above. Well, except for the fact of going to Japan as a couple being a superior holiday! They are right about that. And such a gorgeous photo of the castle. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm just sorry your uncle and aunt were so oblivious of your feelings. And so narrow in their views, and experiences. Have they ever enjoyed a solo beach holiday or trip? If they haven't, then they don't really know what they are missing. Both types of holidays are legitimate, enjoyable, and special.
Sending hugs.
I'm glad you got to see your granny! I'm sorry your uncle is insensitive like a lot of my family members. Even when you've stopped caring so much about other people's thoughtlessness, it can still hurt. I really like your strategies of writing and remembering a good memory. Doing both of those things helps me too.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need grandchildren (or any children) to enjoy the holidays. In fact, I just ordered my 2025 holiday ornaments today because the ones I like always go on sale in July. I love my ornament collection. They represent so many different trips, events, milestones, and memories. No children required.
Oh, GROSS. I think you hit it on the head -- people are just thoughtless and wrapped up in their own experiences and can't think about how their comments can be so hurtful. When my dad moved here from Los Angeles in October, he had a bunch of well-wishers, and he said he was moving closer to his daughters. Some ding-dong said "Yes, retirement is all about the grandchildren! Good for you!" UM THERE ARE NO GRANDCHILDREN. It made me so mad, but I didn't say anything either. I'm glad your trip to Japan was so beautiful (the photos are GORGEOUS) and that it was MORE than enough to be there with your husband. I agree, traveling on vacations just the two of us is delightful and more than enough. I'm sure it's lovely for those who have kids/grandkids (but not all the time, ha), but that doesn't mean that's the epitome of what a holiday should be. Love your thoughts on what to do with the words that haunt you and live rent-free in your brain! Sending you love!
ReplyDelete