I visited my granny yesterday. My uncle and his wife happened to come by as well. It felt good, at first — being with family, chatting about summer plans, soaking in the warmth of familiar company.
Then, without warning, my uncle began to speak about their seaside holiday. “It was wonderful,” he said, beaming. “Especially because we brought the granddaughters along. A husband and wife on their own — that’s just not enough. You need grandchildren to truly enjoy the holidays.”
His words were matter-of-fact, cheerful. His wife chimed in, eager to recount all the joyful things they had done with the little ones — the laughter, the games, the simple happiness.
And me?
I did nothing.
I sat in silence, struck by the sheer thoughtlessness of it all. How wrapped up people can be in their own joys, blind to the quiet sorrows seated right beside them. How carelessly words can fall, without the faintest thought of who might be catching them.
I’ve always believed in thinking before speaking. Sadly, many seem to prefer the opposite.
It’s been 24 hours. The remark still lingers — like an echo that won’t fade.
What helps me now is this:
a) Writing it down.
b) Holding onto a happy memory. I want to share one of mine with you — a beautiful Matsumoto castle. More info: https://www.matsumoto-castle.jp/eng
How I loved travelling through Japan. How we both did — my husband and I.
No children. Just us. And it was more than enough.
very thoughtless in the phrasing, yes. Many people are. For me, the "ouch" feeling lasts much longer than the memory of what they have said... But, to be fair to your uncle - if he had been more specific in his words it would not have stung so much. I mean summertime beach holidays really are a lot more fun for kids than adults! - so it kinda makes sense to say that there isn't much point (unless you are really into sea-sports or sand sculpture) to go on a beach holiday unless you are bringing kids along. Now a holiday in Japan... or anything that involves looking, learning, thinking and the chance of going to eat nice, (but different) food (!) - I bet even a besotted grandparent would have to admit that that kind of holiday is better without the kids :) . Different holidays for different lives - equally enjoyable - nothing wrong with that. (personally I am currently taking holiday just to clean the apartment! - very enjoyable! would not be improved by the presence of a smaller person!)
ReplyDeleteOh Klara. I want to hug you.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, most people (especially those with chiildren) are wrapped up in their own lives. Empathy can be a rare gift. I am so sorry.
Writing helps me, too.
Also, there ARE things we would not do if we had kids. Traveling to Japan might be one of them. So I'm glad you are cultivating your own kind of joy and gratefulness.
Much love from Switzerland!