There is a really nice couple our age that I met through husband's work. I want to make a long story short, so I will tell you only that they did something really kind for us (that not many people would do). I am sure we could become friends if they didn't get their first child very soon after we met.
You know how it goes. I was very happy for them - they were almost 40 and got a beautiful healthy baby boy (and sad for us at the same time). We sent a card with a small gift to congratulate for the baby. But I never saw a child. Once they visited us (they live in neighbouring country, 6 hours driving for us) - but there was only my husband to host them, I was on one of the business trips (and to be frank, I was glad I could avoid meeting them with a baby). When visiting, they told my husband that they are expecting the second child.
We never got the birth announcement for the second child, but since we weren't in contact any more, I didn't think it was strange.
Then, almost two years later we needed some advice regarding building the house so I wrote to him. I started an email by how are they doing and if I may ask - did the first boy got a little brother or a sister?
I got back immediately a reply: "yes, our son got a little brother. But he was born with (name of disease) so he never even got the chance to leave the hospital. He died in our hands when he was two months old."
When I read the email, I started to cry. I just couldn't stop. I was so sorry for the little baby boy who didn't even have the chance to live. I was sorry for his parents. I was sorry for their first son who will never have a sibling. And I was sorry for us two - infertility took from us possibility to make & keep new friendships.
Later that day I met a friend very close to me and I told her the story.
She (mother of two) said: Yes, it is sad. But I guess they just have bad karma and they had to pay.
I was furious, what bad karma??
She explained that she truly believes that in their previous lives they had to do something bad and had to pay in this life.
I remained speechless. I don't believe in nonsense like that.
My friend had cried with me and for me - during the horrible years of all the failed IVFs.
Later that day I realized that she probably thinks that my infertility is punishment for something I did in my previous life. Just plain silly. I did not have a previous life. And I did nothing bad in this life.
I am so sorry. How horrible. How horrible that your friend's baby died. And how horrible of the other friend to say what she did. People don't deserve tragedy and trauma like child loss and infertility.ReplyDelete
I also relate to this: "And I was sorry for us two - infertility took from us possibility to make & keep new friendships." <3
Oh, good grief. I get very frustrated with this kind of comment. It is similar to those saying, "it's God's will" or "it wasn't meant to happen." None of these comments are true, or helpful. They're platitudes that people follow so they don't have to actually think about life, and how it isn't full of easy answers.ReplyDelete
I'm so sorry for your friends. And like Infertile Phoenix, I'm sorry for your lost friendships also. Sending hugs.
Dear Klara, I would have been furious, too. Only people who always got what they wanted could ever say a thing like that.ReplyDelete
And yes, some friendships never have a chance due to infertility. I'm sorry it happened to you, too. And I'm sorry for the little boy and his parents...
This is all just so sad... the loss of your friends' baby, and the horrible comment you got. I hope "karma" never turns on HER...!ReplyDelete
What the bloody hell - what a hideous thing to believe in. I remember a friend who attended the funeral of a young man who died of cancer, and she said the same thing to me. She firmly believed that he got cancer because of his own negative energy/behaviours. This was tied up with Prananadi or something similar that she was into at the time. I find this ideology despicable to be honest. How horrendous to say this about someone whose child had died. And anyway, if there was such a thing as karma, why do bad things rarely never happen to the people who deserve them (Trump, people's shitty bosses, etc).ReplyDelete