Sunday, December 18, 2011

Happy New Life

The last few years were really hard. We had 10 failed IVF treatments in five clinics in three countries. We had our hearts broken for a million times. We were so sad for all of our embies who didn't have enough strength to live more than a few days.

We had the last treatment in autumn and it was the hardest because of all the increased drugs the doctors prescribed me. I had so many horrible side effects that I made a promise to myself: if the side effects go away I will never ever take any infertility drug again. Luckily, the side effects went away after two months, and I am sticking to the promise I made myself.

I know one may ask, why so many treatments?

The explanation is simple. For me, till now, it was always easiser to endure all the physical pain compared to the pain I had to go through when I faced the decision to stop trying and to embrace a childfree life. In my country  we have six IVF treatments completely free of charge. So, many women just jump from one treatment to another without even taking a break or thinking of the side effects that all the drugs can leave.

With the help of our computer I was playing with numbers a bit. Just a few days before Christmas we will celebrate 3,000 days since our wedding day. Our first 3,000 days were mainly sad. Of course, there were also lots of great things. The greatest was that I realized I married the love of my life; all the pain brought us even closer together. If we are lucky, another 15,000 days are waiting for us. So, we decided to start living a new, happy life. We lost, already, enough days being sad. We just don't want to lose another day.

Christmas is coming, and for the first time in years I am actually looking forward to it. Our capital, Ljubljana, is already in Christmas lights. It is beautiful! And Winter solstice is nearing — when the night is the longest and the darkest. After it ... the dark gets shorter and the day gets longer.

I like this symbolism a lot.

I began a list of all the positive things that my new decision brings. Some are important, some are small ... but everything helps.

  • I don't have to save money for the next treatment. This December I enjoy spending money. For books on BookDepository. For movies with my husband. For enjoying delicious cakes in cozy coffee shops with my friends.
  • I don't have to save free days at work for future treatments. I have 10 days off from work around Christmas and New Year. For the first time since we married we are spending New Year's Eve abroad. Can't wait!
  • They are downsizing in the company where I work. It will be clear within weeks if me and my coworkers will be made redundant or not. Coworkers with kids worry so much. But I do not. I am not responsible for anybody else so I can afford not to earn anything for a while. And I don't mind finding another job even if far away from home. Being childfree gives me flexibility.
  • It is our busy season at work now. My coworkers with kids are always so nervouse at four, the high time, when they leave the office and pick up their kids in kindergarden. I realized it is quite nice — always to be able to finish work without the pressure of time.
  • We started to dream about our next holidays. Our favorites so far are: Malaysia; Japan; Australia; USA; Canada. We love traveling so much!
What was (or is) on your list of positive things for the period when you started a New Life? All ideas welcome! They will help me and the others who read my new blog.
Lots of love from sLOVEnia,


  1. I look forward to reading your new blog, Klara. I thank Pamela for introducing us!

  2. dear Mali,
    how great to get first comment on the first blog I have ever started writting!
    I thank Pamela as well!
    And I am looking forward to meeting you in Europe one day :)

  3. Hi Klara, I've seen you post on Pamela's blog but hadn't visited yours until now! Thanks for leaving me the link on my blog -- I will add you to my blogroll shortly! It's always great to find another blogger who is in a similar situation!

  4. Hi Klara,

    Pamela sent me your way, too, but I think I've also spotted you lurking around my blog. Nice to "meet" you.

    I love this concept of the next 15,000 days. What a positive way to look at your situation. I wish you a very happy new life.


  5. dear Loribeth and Lisa,
    thank you for your comments! It is so nice to find new friends on-line.
    Loribeth - thank you for adding my blog to your blogroll!
    Lisa - yes, I spent lots of time lurking around your blog :) And I bought your book (on bookdepository). I had it for some months and kept it for rainy days. The rainy days came in September, after the 10th failed IVF cycle. Then I started to read your book and it helped so much! I realized that some women chose not to start this crazy IVF-train at all. So I decided (while reading your book) that I can stop, after having done already enough demage to my body. So - thank you for the book!!!

  6. I love the whole premise... a new life, new attitude! YES! Thanks for sharing.


    1. how nice to get a new reader!
      Thanks for sharing your blog.