The summer

 

I try to make the most of my summer. Once a week I go swimming in this beautiful alpine lake. My favourite way to get there is to combine cycling with a train ride.

Swimming in the crystal clear alpine lake... just priceless! 

Kilometers cycled this year so far: 1100. 

Happy 😊

The beautiful drawings by two little girls on our fridge

 

I am having a lovely summer.

I haven't written much on my blog lately, mainly because I don't have much more to say about life without children. For me it has become my life and I love it the way it is.  

For a while I thought about shutting down the blog. But then I changed my mind.  I thought of new generations of young women who might be struggling to accept a childless life, and that reading some comforting old text might help (at least a little). So I left it.

A few days ago I had a nice visit from a reader of my blog from abroad - she lives exactly 1000 kilometres north of us.

She came with her husband, both of them much younger than we are. The boys were outside doing some technical stuff. And we were inside, cooking and talking. It was a wonderful feeling - to connect with someone so kind, who had gone through the same suffering as I had 15 years ago.

Then suddenly she noticed two beautiful drawings on our fridge. I told her that I had recently had a pyjama party with 6 (!) nephews and nieces. The two youngest - both aged 5 - decided they wanted to draw something just for me.  Just priceless! I keep the drawings on our fridge and whenever I see them I remember how cute they were and how they belonged to me for two days. How I enjoyed their excitement at being invited to a party in our home for the very first time.

The new blogger friend commented that this is something she could never do - have other people's children's drawings in her home. Because seeing them would break her heart every time.

I told her I understood - that 15 years ago I could never have had the drawings there either. But now I can.

Just another reminder of how hard it is to accept life after infertility. And what a long way I have come. I don't say this very often - I'm proud of myself.

Priceless memories

 

I was having a discussion with a colleague about some new employees and their demands. The older colleague commented that at least she had a child so she understood the younger generation.

What kind of comment is it?

It implies directly that because I don't have a child of my own, I understand nothing?

*** 

I decided that her rude comment won't spoil my day.

So I thought of something nice.

I thought of my dear friend's daughter and her comment some time ago when she was 15.

For her 15th birthday, I wrapped up a small gift and sent it through my friend. The girl commented to her mother.

"I have been thinking about Klara lately. She is my only real aunt. She is the only aunt who ever babysat me and the only one who sometimes did homework with me and the only one who sends me a birthday card".

How sweet her comment was. The girl has two aunts but they have never done these things... as they have children of their own and are too busy.

I will keep the girl's comment in my heart forever. It reminds me of what is really important in life. Priceless moments.

***

On the photo: a beautiful photo from Slovenia's only national park. I love to walk there!

Have I come to terms with my childlessness?

Have I come to terms with my childlessness? 

No. 

I have simply learned to live with it. 

 

Every year that goes by makes me appreciate the little things more. 

Like eating delicious Zeppole di San Giuseppe in this traditional café:

https://grancaffegambrinus.com/en/english-pasticceria/

I love Napoli!

Invitation for a coffee and a cake :)

Here are a few photos of this beautiful castle:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bled_Castle

 

There are so many beautiful things to visit in my country. So... who will be visiting me for coffee and cake next?

:)

Madrid

 

I am reading a book written by a young woman who had a stroke ten years ago when she was only 25. I loved one of the sentences in her book. She said that it took her many years to see herself for who she was and not just as a person who had had a stroke.

It made me realise how much infertility has defined the way I see myself.  I am so much more than my infertility. There are so many wonderful things in my life. I just don't want to focus on my childlessness any more.

I would like to show you some beautiful things that I experienced in 2023 that I haven't had time to share with you yet.

I visited beautiful Madrid. I stayed there for a few days for work. And although I had almost no free time, I managed to visit the Prado again. I love the beautiful paintings of the Prado so much!

You hold them close to your heart

 

I have just returned from a two-day teambuilding and New Year's Eve party with my colleagues. It was OK for the most part, but there was one thing that really bothered me.

Part of the team building was a talk (by a hired professional) on how to make the most of our time. And to start with, each of us had to answer two questions: What are we most proud of in our lives? What will we be most proud of in 2023?

If I were with a group of close friends, I would have no problem answering.

My husband and I have gone through the dark years of infertility with 10 failed IVFs and it has made our love for each other even deeper, stronger, gentler and more beautiful.

Regarding 2023 (and 2022): I am proud of my husband. He went through a hell of a time grieving the sudden death of his beloved nephew. On top of that, his elderly mother became very ill and he lovingly cared for her. She died in her sleep a few weeks ago.  And through it all, he has remained strong, living each day to the best of his ability and solving all the problems that come up day after day. I admire his strength and his love. And I am proud of myself. I have been there for him every step of the way.

But these things are very personal and I am not prepared to share them with random colleagues.

Most of my colleagues responded / were proud of / included something about their children. And almost all the answers received warm applause.

My answer was that I was proud of myself for learning to make time for things that are important to me, like going for a walk every day.

My short speech didn't get any applause.  

Not that it really mattered, but it still bothered me. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I was looking at the latest:  https://gateway-women.com/firesidewisdom-rolemodels/

and came across a beautiful thought by Donna Ward. When I heard it, I suddenly felt at ease, at home.

"When you get to a certain age, you realize what your achievements are, and you have done those things. No one else has done those things. And your friends who are living a life that is of the mainstream will never understand the achievements you have done. You hold them close to your heart and that is what makes you walk well in the world, those achievements." 

PS: on the photo: our capital, Ljubljana, in Christmas lights