Childless?

I am very glad that we moved to our new house now and not for example 10 years ago when I was in the darkest years of my infertility.  As years are passing by the pain of infertility still remains, but it is not raw any more. 

I can do now things I couldn't even imagine doing ten years ago. For example inviting friends, family and  colleagues to visit us in our new home together with their children.  

I have just counted all the children who visited us since we moved in:  total of 22 children. 10 boys and 12 girls, aged from 6 to 18 (most of the children are around 10). 

Writing this down it seems so obvious. When I started to accept the horrible truth that I might never have children of my own, the most children were born.  

It was hard then. But now I am happy that they are part of my life.

*** 

A friend of mine planned a holiday to beautiful Lake Garda but wasn't sure which road to take. So - when I spent two hours with her kids alone, doing homework, I used opportunity to talk to them in two languages: German and Italian. I gave them one of my old Italian maps and explained them which road is by my opinion really nice. With colourful paper I marked the highlights. Like - the delicious wafers factory in the heart of Dolomitis: https://www.loacker.com/int/en/

So when they did go on a road trip, the kids insisted that they drive the road I marked them. And of course they visited the wafers factory shop and loved it.  

My friends tell me that whenever they buy this wafers the kids remember who was the person who told them about it :)

***

There is one thing that I absolute love doing: teaching German my cousin's little daughter. Since we don't live close by, we manage to have only once or twice per month. It is priceless.... to watch a child without any knowledge to master first German words. She is so proud.... most of her school-friends learn only English and she learns also German!

It is so easy to learn foreign languages now, with the help of cartoons and songs.

***

I may be childless, but my life certainly isn't.

May all the kind souls be blessed

Not long ago a colleague that I know only casually – we met through work – asked: “So how come you don’t have children – you couldn’t have them or you didn’t want to have them?”.

What a silly lady. Like I am answering a rude question like this.

I replied: “I don’t have children.” and turned around to find some kinder people to talk to (it was on an event).

***

Another conversation that stuck with me was with a coworker. We were driving together in a car for many hours, so there was a lot of time to fill. We were talking about someone we both admire and know only through media. I told  that recently I had read an interview with this person and how lovely it was to see that she had found love of her life now, that she is already over 50. And I mentioned that I found a bit sad how she replied the journalist's question who in this world means the most to her. She replied in this order: her husband, her parents, her husband's sons and his grandchildren.

And my coworker said in disbelief: "She doesn't have any children of her own? I am so sorry for her and so terrified that I got goose bumps."

Her silly comment hurt me. Did she or somebody else also get goose bumps because of me? 

Yes, being childless when you wish to have children more then anything else is sad. But I don't want anybody's pity since pity is humiliating.

***

Then luckily there are kind souls around me. For example  - a mother of a boy whom I have been teaching German for the last few years. She wanted to know everything about our new house and I explained the concept of the house - everything is constructed so that it will be friendly to us also when we are very old (luckily not any time soon ;)

She complimented on our choices and said that not many people are so smart to think that much in advance. I commented that sadly we don't have any children and that's why we have to think about issues like this already now - since we really want to be independent for as long as we possibly can.

She commented very kindly that once she was taking care (she works in a nursing home) for an old lady who had ten children. She really wanted to spend the last years of her life with one of the children, but nobody wanted to take care of her. She was very heartbroken  and always kept saying: "A mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can not take care of a mother." 
 
Kind souls like her - saying something kind and compassionate when they notice the pain - make the world a better place.