A photo album

 I noticed few years ago that in the photo albums that my nieces and nephews have there isn't even one single photo that would include me. I decided not to be bitter about it but instead do something about it :)

I told the kids a while ago that every kid will get for her/his 12th birthday a photo album from me.

The oldest niece has just turned 12 so I was working on the project for few weeks. The album turned out to be awesome (even the kid loved it!). It is full of photos of her - when she was with me. I am only on three photos (one is when I am holding her in my arm for the very first time).  On all the other photos she is alone or with other kids when we had fun days together. I am not on the photo, but I was always on the other part of the camera. It feels special - that very moment the child was looking at me and I captured this moment.

Instead of ordering a photo book I preferred to buy a real good quality photo album (I found a pretty light pink one) and have the photos developed. With each photo I wrote a date and a line or two. 

I hope that she keeps the photo album forever. This way she will be able to see that I was an important person of her childhood. 

The next photo album project: will be done in two years. I am looking forward to it already now.

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Part of the photo of me, holding her for the very first time. I can still remember how heartbroken I was when she arrived (I was just after another failed IVF). How glad am I that those hard years of infertility are over! 



This album is also a memory of the time when I was cool aunt. Now she is almost a teenager so whenever I invite her somewhere, it is always the same reply "No, thank you."  

A gift

This year has been hard. The scar that cancer left still hurts sometimes.  Some days are better then the others.  My GP asked me: "What did you think? Did you think that everything would be as before?".

Her question hit me and I needed days to process her comment.  I replied that I actually wasn't really thinking how would it be - I was too focused on waiting on operation that would  cut off the cancer. I didn't even think that there would be such thing as a scar that would hurt forever.

I am very grateful that the cancer is gone. I can only hope and pray that it will never return.

There is a gift that the cancer brought me. To see who are the people whom I really matter.

I am very grateful for my husband and my parents. And also for my cousin and my brother. 

I got many kind emails from my long time bloggie / penfriends, I am thankful for that.

But most of my friends from "real" life sent me only one text with good wishes,  I replied that the operation went well. Some of them also visited me and saw that I was doing well. But after three weeks after the surgery my condition deteriorated (I even had to go to emergency help over the weekend) and when I told some of friends what happened - some of them commented - "but you said you were healing well".

Yes, I was, until I wasn't.

Healing is never a linear process.  

Cancer helped me see the difference between the people who were really there for me in the process of healing and the ones who were only doing obligatory checking up on me.   

So resolution for this December: I will not waste any of my time with people who weren't really there for me during the recovery after the operation. My dog fully supports me in this decision. This way I will have more time for long walks with him <3