I have just read Lisa's latest post: http://lifewithoutbaby.com/2013/06/03/children-in-my-future/
Her post really touched my soul. I haven’t thought much about it – but the psychic is so right. My head is already OK with being childless. So is my heart – at least most of the time. But my soul is broken and I don’t know how to fix it.
My cousin visited my parents yesterday and I also came for a visit. We were chatting and then the cousin mentioned that his wife had pregnancy control. And I didn't even know she was pregnant (=obviously nobody wanted to tell me).
Another pregnancy in the family. This really sucks. It is not that cousin is a close family. But this cousin lives in the apartment together with my granny. So whenever I will visit my granny, I will have to see his pregnant wife. And it sucks.
I felt so down yesterday. I went cycling, but it didn't help. Then I went jogging (for the third time this year). This finally helped. I felt better afterwards.
Infertility really scars you for life. I guess I will be 80 and whenever I will hear another pregnancy announcement, I will feel a heartache. And I will be mourning for something I never had.
(It didn't help either that yesterday was the first day of my period. This time it is really strong. It is the period number 130 since TTC. I was heartbroken for the first 100 of them. I am now OK with it. Just yesterday I was really not OK).
It won't always hurt. I know how hard it is to believe that right now. And it is ok not to feel it. Just hang on to my promise that it does stop hurting and one day you will believe it. Hugs.
ReplyDeletedear Mali,
Deletethank you for your kind words and hugs.
They really helped.
I had a long day in the office. Then I went jogging (15 minutes). It really helps me to feel better.
Big warm hugs to you,Klara.
ReplyDeletethank you for the hugs!
DeleteSitting next to you, giving y'all a hug. infertility can scar us for life, that's true. No sense beating around the bush. Scars is not limited to body or mind; souls can be scarred, but we can still live- just gotta figure how to walk the unfamiliar path, not the one we thought we are destined for. We just have more support, even if it's "just internet" friends- you know. Yeah, I sound like a poet tonight, rare that is. **HUGS***
ReplyDeleteThank you for the hugs.
DeleteYes, it is pretty poetic. Beautiful!
I second Klara's words. Beautiful words, Julie! HUGS for you too, Klara...
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