Friday, December 19, 2014

Lovely Christmas Package

It is lovely to get home from a long working week and find just a perfect Christmas gift. 
Me & my DH are looking forward to our first moring coffee tomorrow. 
And beautiful mouse pad is being used already.
Dear P&A: thank you!!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Happy 3rd Birthday to my Blog

My blog is celebrating third birthday today. This was my first post:

Writing blog and giving all the hard & ugly infertility feelings out there really helped me.
I already got a beautiful blog-birthday gift from a new bloggie friend. I got an email from her:
"...I also wanted to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your blog.  I appreciate your courage, candor, and willingness to share your journey.  I'm sure it's therapeutic for you to write, but it's also so meaningful to me because reading the stories of others who have gone through/are going through the same things as me.  It helps me to not feel quite so lonely if that makes sense."

Yes,  it makes sense. And thank you for your email, it meant world to me.

Now I am off, for whole day Christmas event at work, I will be back in the evening to read all the best wishes either here or at: klara.soncek (at)


Sunday, December 14, 2014


A pen friend of mine (childless, not by choice)  told me that she feels invisible a lot of the time. This word has been sticking in my mind for the whole weekend, since it so perfectly describes how I feel, very often.

I went for a walk&talk date with my best friend. Nowadays we do this only once every two weeks for one hour, since she is so busy with her two kids.

I really love her. But it was kind of  hard to hear about all of her plans for the summer holidays.  She would prefer to go for a week to the seaside to destination X with family A and her husband prefers destination Y and family B. And the kids prefer the kids of the family A, but prefer destination Y.

I felt so invisible.

Nobody makes any summer plans with me and my DH. We are just always alone.

And that's why our American holidays were so special for us, we did have the best travelling buddies possible. Here is one lovely photo, as a memory of the perfect holidays.

The work New Years Party was actually great. I didn't drive so this year I could drink few cocktails. They helped :)
And the music was loud, so even the most annoying mommy-coworkers could not share their kids story.

So, it was pefect. We were dancing and drinking and laughing over some silly jokes.
This party gave me the hope that I still can function well. And that everything will be OK one day.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Each family gets one card

I briefly visited my brother's family. 

My oldest niece (7) told me that in the afternoon she was planning to do New Year cards.   Here is our conversation:

Me: "So will I get any card?"
Niece: "Of course."
Me: "Will my husband also get any card?"
Niece: "Of course. You will get one card together. Each family gets one card." 

How lovely she is! And how smart! For her, we are a family.  

(I know I shouldn't have favourites, but she is my favourite child. I really think she got a kind heart from me).

Only when we are so old, only, are we aware of the beauty of life


I just finished reading the book about the life of Alice Herz-Sommer. I liked it.

My favourite quote: 

“Only when we are so old, only, are we aware of the beauty of life.”
Alice Herz Sommer


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Viele liebe Grüsse aus Graz

My DH had to go for work for one day to Graz, Austria. I took one day off work so I could go with him. He was working and I spent whole day walking around the city. Exploring it. Drinking hot chocolate. Eating waffles with apple sauce and cinnamon. It was lovely.

Pictures say more than hundreds words, so here they are:

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

I am not OK in December

What happened with old good fairy tales? This is an example of a a fairy tale that modern parents now buy to their kids.

A friend of mine already told me about this particular book, all excited, some months ago. I was polite, I listened and did not comment anything.

Few days ago a friend of mine had the need to tell me something more about this book, but I stopped her. I kindly asked that I really do not want to hear anything about the book.

She was surprised. She said - but it is only a story for kids about a little sperm.

So I explained. For me, this is traumatic. Because it reminds me of fertility drugs, hurtful procedures, hopes and dreams that were crushed down again and again.

I am sad. Because I know my friend needs a friend who can listen to everything that she has to say. And I am just not that kind of friend. I am damaged, for life.

It is December and parties are everywhere. I was invited to quite some of them, mainly they are work related. I am just skipping them all except one (I would love to skip it as well, but my big boss phoned me today just to make sure that I am coming there this Friday).

I don't like parties in December. Because December is the month when it is so obvious that my life just isn't as I hoped it to be.

I am OK with my childlessness and being alone most of the time 11 months per year.
I am not OK in December.

PS: but I did have just a perfect day yesterday, admiring a beautiful city abroad in Christmas decoration. I will tell you more about it tomorrow.