Thursday, October 2, 2014

A rainbow

My cousin sent me an SMS at midnight, but I got it early in the morning. It says:
"My daughter has been drawing beautiful rainbows for the past few days. She says you taught her how to do it."

Yes, I taught her on Sunday, I had both princesses (aged 5 and 6) just for myself for few hours. 

I love to be a small part in the lives of both little girls.

But how would I love to be a big part in the life of my own daughter!

I love time with both girls. But on the other hand it hurts seeing, what my life could be and it will never be. 


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Woman who decided to stop all infertility treatments

I also like the description of my blog on this site:
http://www.creatingafamily.org/infertility/blogs.html 

It is described as: Woman who decided to stop all infertility treatments

Exactly!  What a relief it is - not having to take another injection of hormones - ever again.

Self and Soul


Self and Soul cover


It is lovely to win an unexpected gift
http://lifewithoutbaby.com/2014/09/05/spiritual-legacy-childlessness/

I am looking forward to reading the book!
Thank you, Lorraine & Lisa.


Une vie sans enfant est possible

I would like to thank Marie-Ève for adding my blog to her  blog roll:
 http://amourpatient.blogspot.fr/p/les-blogs-lies-linfertilite-et.html

in the section with a really cool name: 

Elles ont vécu l'infertilité et nous prouvent qu'une vie sans enfant, tout en étant accomplie et bien dans sa peau, est possible

translation:

They who have experienced infertility and have proven that an accomplished and a good life without children is possible.



(I love French, I wish I had spoken it better).



Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Cool granny

I had a coffee with a coworker, also childless not by choice.  She told me that she recently visited her granny who is 90. Granny started to ask her how long had she been married (10 years) and if she had children. My coworker simply replied "No".

Granny then said: "Good. Children only take your energy and money." 

I laughed so much when I heard this story.

My coworker is lucky, having such a cool granny :)

Infertility Etiquette 101

It is lovely to start a new day by reading a great article:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seleni-institute/infertility-etiquette-101_b_5837940.html





Monday, September 29, 2014

Boyhood

I remembered how much I enjoyed movie dates with my best friend. How many beautiful movies did we see in the past!

I went for a long walk with her on Saturday, it was lovely. She invited me for a movie Boyhood.

I know it is a beautiful movie. IMDB's rating is 8,7.

But I am too damaged to see the movie like this.  I don't belong to the "normal" world.

A friend of mine has a little boy of her own. So this is just a perfect movie for her.

But not for me.

I had 10 beautiful embrios. So I guess half of them were boys. My 5 boys are in heaven.

Since I couldn't watch my own boys grow up, I never ever want to see that movie either.

This is just a fact of life. Infertility scares you for a lifetime. Even when I think I am healed, there is something that reminds me that I am not and that I will never be. At least not completely.


I read this on Lisa's blog today:
http://lifewithoutbaby.com/2014/09/22/heal-mourn-first/

“There is no right way to grieve, and you have to let people grieve in the way that they can. One of the things that happens to everyone who is grief-stricken, who has lost someone, is there comes a time when everyone else just wants you to get over it, but of course you don’t get over it. You get stronger; you try and live on; you endure; you change; but you don’t get over it. You carry it with you.”


So true!