Saturday, July 26, 2014

Broken dreams & a beautiful world

I was in this city for two days (does anybody knows which city it is?),  working. Since it is summer and the sea is wonderful for swimming (it has 25C),  I chose to stay for one night at the sea resort, full of families with small children and older couples. I was the only alone person there.  

I got quite some strange looks since people are not used that one goes to the beach alone. Or that one has dinner in hotel restaurant alone.  

Infertility gave me a thick skin. So strange looks didn't bother me. I found them amusing.  

In a way I like to be different. 

I enjoyed my late afternoon off work, swimming and reading a book.
(I am reading now this book:
I like it.

I enjoyed going for a long walk in the evening and early morning.  

At breakfast, I sat alone at big table. And after a while came a little 6-year-old girl and asked me if she could join me with her granny. Obviously I said yes. I chatted a bit with the girl, Aurora, a clever little girl she was.   After a while she asked me: "And you are here all alone???"  

I wasn't hurt. I explained the little girl that was there for work and that even if you go alone swimming (when you are big) it is fun.  

When I was paying for my hotel room, I noticed that they have the poem Desiderata in a frame. I read it for the first time in my own language. 

The words of the line "With all ... broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world" touched my soul.

So true!

Monday, July 21, 2014

I love sea

We just returned from our first holidays this year (1 night at the seaside). It was lovely to spend some time with DH. 

The last photo: this is the photo of the most beautiful hotel in our country. Obviously we were not staying there. But - admiring is free of charge :)

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Here comes the Sun

I remember when Princess 1 (brother's daughter) and Princess 2 (cousin's daughter) were born (6 and 4 years ago) my heart was broken. I was in the middle of unsuccessful IVFs. 

There exist photos where I hold them in my arms, for the first time. I am smiling (you are supposed to be smiling with a newborn). But my eyes are full of sadness. I can see that on the photos.   

At that time I was so sad that I almost didn't want to live any longer. Sadness, beyond the description. Only the one who experienced it, can understand. 

I always loved Beatles' song Here comes the Sun.  Even after the darkest of the nights, there comes the Sun. Sooner or later.

I invited this weekend both Princesses for a sleep over to my home, for the first time ever. The little one already confirmed - she can not wait. She packed her backpack already few days ago :)  
(I am lucky - my cousin firmly believes that the more people her children have in their life, better it is for them. And her daughter has always been very independent. I guess she is my favorite child of all).

Princess 1 declined the invitation - but she might change her mind (her mum is very possessive and doesn't want to share her children with anybody). 

I am not hurt. I am just lucky to have Princess 2 in my life as well.

And I am really looking forward to Friday night.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Missing Maria

Maria's 43rd birthday is approaching and that date reminded me of her.

Dear Maria,
I still miss you. I always will.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Photos from Normandy II

It was only 110 days after I published this post:

and it was only 100 days after Kaymet, my dear bloggie friend from France published this post on her blog:

and it was only  90 days after a kind Irouwen sent me many beautiful photos from Normandy (including the one above)

and it was only  85 days after I showed the photos of his brother's graveyard to my father-in-law 

that my father-in-law died.

He died almost exactly 70 years after his brother.

Although I guess he did not believe in after-life nor heaven, I hope that they are together, the two brothers, in a place without pain and worries.


I never thought that infertility would bring me anything positive.

But it has. Because of my infertility I had started to slip into depression. And by writing a blog I tried to save me. Not only did I save myself, but I also  found kind souls all around the world.

Dear Kaymet & dear Irouwen - thank you again for your help. I will never forget it. 
The photos meant a lot for my father-in-law. 
The photos were the best gift that he got in the last few decades I guess.



Monday, June 30, 2014

Some newsletters really suck

How I hate it that Time sends me a newsletter with the title "The best birth control no one is using".
So not interested!!!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Cycling & Lavender

Cycling always puts me into good mood. There is the road, there are steep hills, so I am focused only to that. No time for loneliness. No time for negative thoughts. 

I really wished to go cycling to the seaside, alone. But the weather forecast was bad for the coast, so I choose mountain tour. 

Almost 100 kilometers and lots of steep hills. But it was worth it, I feel great now.

Some photos attached.

In the hills, some streams are drinkable. I always drink from this one, it is delicious!

 Steep :)

St. Ciril & St. Metod under beautiful Linden trees

 This is the most beautiful village in my country. 
It is also a birthplace of famous painter: 

Beautiful lavender - I got it as a gift from a kind old woman that I don't know. 
I just stopped by and asked them for water. 
Lavender really made the day even more beautiful. 
I am now drying it - so it will remain, as a remainder that there are kind people out there.
And that good things happen when least expected.

Good night & sweet dreams.