Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Regrets

I remember writing this post:
http://thenext15000days.blogspot.com/2012/05/tennant-creek-i-never-regret-things-i.html

How I miss the time, when I regretted nothing.
I still don't regret swimming at that pool and loosing my fertility.
It is just damage done when travelling. And I love travelling so much.

***

Lately there is one regret that paralyses me.
Me and my DH bought small piece of land few years ago in order to build a house.
We were dealing with bureaucratic issues for the last few years.
And now it is clear that it will be impossible to build there for at least 2 -3 decades. Perhaps even more. Which means that we had thrown away 70.000 EUR. Which is huge amount of money considering that an average nett monthly pay in our country is 990 EUR.

We are angry at myself. Mad. Bitter.

We regret throwing that money away.

We regret not having any other option right now. And we need to do something. We really can not stay in the flat we live now (it is higher floor, lots of stairs, no elevator - we just can not stay old and childless in that flat).

I am having a bad day today. It is a new day tomorrow.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Summer



I love hot summer days. There are so much things to do. I always lack time in the summer. 

I am very well. Most of the time I am feeling happy, positive and just enjoying life. But then there are some events that remind me that I am not healed and I will probably never be.

*** 
I went cycling with my best girl-friend few days ago in the evening, when the heat was easier to handle. We both enjoyed our cycling & talking date a lot. I was telling her how lovely it is to have her back. When her kids were little, it was impossible for her to escape on Sunday evening for two whole hours. We talked, we laughed. Then, we passed by her parents' house and her mom was outside. My friend greeted her: "Hi granny."  It made me sad and angry. Why can't she address  her mom as she always did, as mom?  She is, after all, her mom. Her grannies died long ago. 

I didn't say anything. After all, I can't always give her instructions and limitations. And I know, I probably hurt her during the years of struggling with infertility (never on purpose, but I know I did, like declining to visit her when she was pregnant).

***

Opening the magazine and there was a title on it: "Kids change your black&white world to a colourful one".

I resent to accept any person with children to address my world as a black&white.

*** 

I met in the supermarket an ex co-worker who retired more then 10 years ago. I always liked her. I greeted her and asked her how she was. She proudly showed me her shopping chart - it was full of diapers (obviously I hadn't noticed that before). She said happily and proudly: "As you can see, I am very busy."   

It hurt. Not only that I will always miss having children. I will also miss having grandchildren. 

***
I recently read an article about a famous person, who was describing one of her dearest friends how lovely person she is.  "She is so kind that she asks everybody if they have children, even taxi drivers. And she wants to know the kids' names."

And you are calling that nice - bothering all the childless people if they have children??  I know people with kids love that question. But - we don't.  

***

Some days of working and then it is time for my favourite place on Earth: island Brač, Dalmatia, Croatia (one of the photos from previous years attached). 





Saturday, June 27, 2015

Czech Republic & New beautiful memories made

I spent wonderful five days traveling around Czech Republic with my husband, Pamela & her husband.

How great it is when you turn bloggie friends into real friends! Czech Republic was already our fourth traveling together in the last five years. It is so nice to have traveling buddies!

Here are some of the best photos:


Karlštejn



Plzen







On the road





Žinkovy Hotel Castle


We just loved staying in this hotel:

Zinkovy Chateau & Hotel



Klatovy







Česky Krumlov





Česke Budejovice





Tabor






On the road


Kutna Hora



Saturday, June 6, 2015

Goodbye until the rain comes



I am fully enjoying warm summer days. We are having 30 C. I even took one day off work and I went swimming to the Adriatic sea. It was just perfect. 

Otherwise I am very busy raising stubborn puppy (akka land shark), working in my vegetable garden. I lack time for reading and writing and  for my beloved cycling.  

And - most of all - I lack the time for any infertility thoughts. Which isn't bad thing at all.

I will be back in one month, when the rain comes.

Have a lovely month.

xo,

Klara

Monday, June 1, 2015

La dolce vita dopo infertilita'



I could copy the same text that I wrote few weeks ago:

I just returned from a short business trip to Italy.
I took a photo of my delicious dinner. It was nice, dinning alone, after talking all day.
This was again one of those business trips that also my other coworkers could cover. But they are not motivated to go since they prefer to stay at home with kids.

Silver linings of infertility :) 




On the photo: warm chocolate muffin with delicious vanilla sauce.