Saturday, December 1, 2018

My Christmas wish


I have the same Christmas wish as the last three years.
I would love to get an email from you.
To learn who you are. 
Where you are coming from.
Why you read my blog.
What my blog means to you.  
Did it help in any way?

I promise I will not publish your emails, nor misuse them in any way.
And I promise I will write back :)

My email: klara.soncek (at) gmail.com


I am looking forward to Christmas :)
I loved receiving emails last three Decembers from literally all around the world!  


PS: I took this photo yesterday, in the heart of Ljubljana. If you haven't visited it yet, you do have to add it on your travelling list for the future, it is so pretty!

Living with infertility does get easier as years are passing by

Yesterday at work a group of my coworkers discussed how terrible it is that they had forgotten almost all English. They were all fluent when they finished university, but because they don't use it they forgot it.

I just listened. I couldn't actually boast how awesome it has been writing an infertility blog in English for the last seven years and how my English has improved by writing my own blog and by reading other blogs :)

***

I really wanted to see the moment when the Christmas lights are lit in the capital yesterday, so I went to the city centre after work.  I phoned a kind woman who was my boss in my first job and I invited her for a coffee and for the event. She gladly accepted.

I have always liked her, she has  always been nice to me. I always appreciated her advice - it was easy for her to be wise, she is 20 years older then me.

Well, I appreciated all of her advice but one.  She insisted that even when I was 40+, I still have plenty of time to have a child and that I shouldn't give up hope. She viewed this topic from her standing point - she had her first and only child when she was 43.  

That's why I just didn't want to meet for her for the last few years.

Yesterday's meeting was really nice - we had so much catching up to do. And this was the first time that she didn't bring up the topic of not giving up the hope.

Living with infertility does get easier as years are passing by.

It felt awesome, claiming my life back.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Childless?

I am very glad that we moved to our new house now and not for example 10 years ago when I was in the darkest years of my infertility.  As years are passing by the pain of infertility still remains, but it is not raw any more. 

I can do now things I couldn't even imagine doing ten years ago. For example inviting friends, family and  colleagues to visit us in our new home together with their children.  

I have just counted all the children who visited us since we moved in:  total of 22 children. 10 boys and 12 girls, aged from 6 to 18 (most of the children are around 10). 

Writing this down it seems so obvious. When I started to accept the horrible truth that I might never have children of my own, the most children were born.  

It was hard then. But now I am happy that they are part of my life.

*** 

A friend of mine planned a holiday to beautiful Lake Garda but wasn't sure which road to take. So - when I spent two hours with her kids alone, doing homework, I used opportunity to talk to them in two languages: German and Italian. I gave them one of my old Italian maps and explained them which road is by my opinion really nice. With colourful paper I marked the highlights. Like - the delicious wafers factory in the heart of Dolomitis: https://www.loacker.com/int/en/
So when they did go on a road trip, the kids insisted that they drive the road I marked them. And of course they visited the wafers factory shop and loved it.  
My friends tell me that whenever they buy this wafers the kids remember who was the person who told them about it :)


***
There is one thing that I absolute love doing: teaching German my cousin's little daughter. Since we don't live close by, we manage to have only once or twice per month. It is priceless.... to watch a child without any knowledge to master first German words. She is so proud.... most of her school-friends learn only English and she learns also German!
It is so easy to learn foreign languages now, with the help of cartoons and songs.


***
I may be childless, but my life certainly isn't.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

May all the kind souls be blessed

Not long ago a colleague that I know only casually – we met through work – asked: “So how come you don’t have children – you couldn’t have them or you didn’t want to have them?”.

What a silly lady. Like I am answering a rude question like this.

I replied: “I don’t have children.” and turned around to find some kinder people to talk to (it was on an event).

***

Another conversation that stuck with me was with a coworker. We were driving together in a car for many hours, so there was a lot of time to fill. We were talking about someone we both admire and know only through media. I told  that recently I had read an interview with this person and how lovely it was to see that she had found love of her life now, that she is already over 50. And I mentioned that I found a bit sad how she replied the journalist's question who in this world means the most to her. She replied in this order: her husband, her parents, her husband's sons and his grandchildren.

And my coworker said in disbelief: "She doesn't have any children of her own? I am so sorry for her and so terrified that I got goose bumps."

Her silly comment hurt me. Did she or somebody else also get goose bumps because of me? 

Yes, being childless when you wish to have children more then anything else is sad. But I don't want anybody's pity since pity is humiliating.

***

Then luckily there are kind souls around me. For example  - a mother of a boy whom I have been teaching German for the last few years. She wanted to know everything about our new house and I explained the concept of the house - everything is constructed so that it will be friendly to us also when we are very old (luckily not any time soon ;)

She complimented on our choices and said that not many people are so smart to think that much in advance. I commented that sadly we don't have any children and that's why we have to think about issues like this already now - since we really want to be independent for as long as we possibly can.

She commented very kindly that once she was taking care (she works in a nursing home) for an old lady who had ten children. She really wanted to spend the last years of her life with one of the children, but nobody wanted to take care of her. She was very heartbroken  and always kept saying: "A mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can not take care of a mother." 
 
Kind souls like her - saying something kind and compassionate when they notice the pain - make the world a better place.

 

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Be the reason someone smiles today


Writing my own blog and reaching out to the world has made my life special. This tea cup is a beautiful reminder. It was given to me few weeks ago by a dear friend of mine, that I met through our blogging community. I was in Paris for work and one afternoon I visited her and her family. We agreed not to buy any presents, but she said that she had seen this cup in a shop and she had thought of me - since she couldn't stop smiling that day - she had been looking forward to my visit. Her words touched my heart. 

I love her, and I appreciate our friendship deeply. It is deep because of the sincerity we have always had to each other.

Another highlight of that day. When we were finishing a delicious dinner that she and her husband had cooked, I was checking the time - I didn't want to miss one of the last trains back to Paris. Their little daughter asked where Klara would sleep that night. I explained that I had to go back to hotel to catch an early flight back home the following day. And the little one said: "I want that Klara stays with us." How cute is that!

***

Another beautiful moment from this week. A dear bloggie friend of mine, Elaine: https://www.elaineok.com/  told me about new blog, written by Stephanie: https://www.stephanie-ungewollt-kinderlos.de/

Stephanie has just published her blog about involuntary childlessness few days ago. It is in German, but with the help of Google translator the reading should be no problem!

I don't know how old Stephanie is, but I guess she is at least 10 years younger then me. So I really feel like a big sister, sharing a link and trying to welcome her to our community.

I loved one of Stephanie's sentences so much: "Wir werden uns das Leben schön machen."
"We will make our life beautiful."

This is exactly my/our plan.





Saturday, October 20, 2018

Lovely moments

I am back. I have missed my blog.

This year there were many lovely moments connected with our new house. We are so happy that our dreams have come true! 

There were so many beautiful moments during the summer and early autumn - not connected only with our new home.

I was cycling few weeks ago when a car overtook me and then stopped in the middle of the road. I thought it was strange when suddenly a kind voice called my name. It was my cousin's friend with whom I spent few days at the seaside last year and the year before - when I was visiting my cousin and her kids. I enjoyed swimming together with her two children and my cousin's two children. The kids loved swimming with me... because I love swimming and their mothers not that much.

Then suddenly the door of the car  opened and there was 11-year-old girl, she ran towards me and hugged me. She said: "I missed you this summer!"  Her mother smiled and said: "Can you see... you really make huge impression on the kids." 

My heart melted... it was such a warm and lovely moment.

That was the moment when I realized what I want out of my life. To be connected with the world. And to live for lovely moments like that.

I promised the girl that the next year I will plan my holiday with my cousin in the week when she will be there as well.

***
Another lovely moment was at the seaside. I went on the beach with my cousin's daughter, she is  9.  Out of the blue she asked me how come I didn''t have children of my own. I replied that I wanted to have them but I couldn't. She thought for a moment and then wanted to know if she understood correctly so she checked whether I didn't want to have them or couldn't have them. I replied. She wanted to know how was it possible that you couldn't have them. I told her that when she was older she could ask again if she wanted and I would tell her. That now she was too little for details. She said that she has only one question - how old did she have to be. I replied that when she was 20.  She said OK.

I wish conversation with adults were that easy!