I am a 40-something European woman doing what I once thought wasn't possible: finding happiness after infertility. While it's been a long, difficult and emotional journey (10 unsuccessful IVF treatments), each day I take another step down the path toward a fulfilling new life. This is my story of reinvention.
I will be happy to hear from you: klara.soncek (@ ) gmail.com
I went to a shopping centre when somebody called my name and greeted me very warmly. It was my neighbour, fifteen years older then me, she is a cleaning lady there. I don't know her well, so I didn't know where she worked.
We started to chat and somewhere in the middle of conversation I asked her how are her granddaughters. When we moved in - fifteen years ago - I saw her very often with two little girls so I assumed they were her granddaughters.
When I asked her, her eyes became wet and told me that she didn't have any children because she couldn't have them. The girls are her husband's niece's daughters.
I apologized to her for my question. I added that I also couldn't have children.
It was as if she had been waiting all life for someone who would understand her pain, so she started to tell me all the story.
I was sad for her pain. You see, it was even much harder for her to survive the infertility as for me. In her times, most of women had children much younger which means it was more likely that they could have them. And she suffered infertility without being able to connect on internet with women who would understand her.
She told me that the two little girls loved them so much when they were little. They were always buying them the most expensive gifts, whatever they wished for. Now they are teenagers so they never come. Except when the uncle and aunt invite them for a shopping trip.
It is another confirmation for me that I want to remain auntie who never buys material things. I am auntie who takes kids for fun activities. My latest activity with them is inviting them twice per month to my home to learn German. Main tool of learning: watching cartoons in German & listening to songs on youtube. I enjoy it a lot.
I wish I would be able to watch Mr Rogers when I was a little girl. I could learn so much!
Do watch 6-minute-video "It's you I like". I like how respectful and kind he talks to the child. And I love the conclusion: "We have to discover our own ways of doing things when we are feeling blue."
So very true!
A friend of mine told me a story about her coworker. I don't know her, but I know her husband since we went to the same school. They have been trying to have a child for years, without any success. Now they are having IVF and he gave her an ultimatum: if it doesn't work, he wants a divorce.
I don't know this girl, but I feel so sorry for her. I am sorry that she is struggling with infertility. I am sorry that she married someone who is handsome on outside but has black cruel soul. And I am sorry that she has a friend who is not a friend at all - she told this very personal humiliating information to her and she told few others who told the rest.
I hope she heals and that one day she finds the love of her life. Since that man for sure isn't.
I am good. Just extremely busy with everything regarding our new house. When we were shopping this week we saw this quote in the shop. So beautiful. Both me and my husband are looking forward to live in our little brand new home by Christmas.
Good thing with being busy is that I (almost) don't have for any thoughts regarding infertility. When something happens, it still hurts. But I am able to brush everything off me very soon since I don't have time to be stuck in negative thoughts. There is way much work to be done.
There is a neighbour (married, two young kids). We have known each other for ten years. He needed a favour from me, so I gave him my contact. He was looking in disbelief saying: "You have the same surname as X??" (X=naming the name of my husband)
I replied: "Of course.".
And he asked in even greater disbelief: "Are you married??"
I replied: "Of course.".
Silly stupid idiot. And he is not the first one that asked me this.
People just know that only people who want to have children get married.
And people just make the assumption - if you don't have children, you aren't married.
His question hurt for few minutes. But then I just concluded that idiots like him don't deserve my attention, so I just decided to push him out of my mind. (I wasn't that successful, the remark stayed for me for few days).
Then there is a kind coworker, my age, mother of two young children born in 5th IVF attempt. We went to lunch together, just the two of us. And we talked about everything, also about our infertility stories, for the very first time. After listening to my story she commented: "I can't even imagine what you had to go through."
Her comment touched my heart. She knew that the darkest time of infertility comes when one has to give up hopes and dreams of having a child.
I am glad that she didn't have to give up her dreams. She really is a lovely person.